You know you are lazy when you get excited about cancelling your plans.
I wonder, we lazy people go to heaven... or do they send someone to pick us up?
I didn't fall, I'm just spending some quality time with the floor.
For the best seat in the house, you'll have to move the dog.
If lying was a job some people would be billionaires.
I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays.
Work again? Really? Didn't I just do that yesterday?
Don't be stupid, it might make you famous.
Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years.
I love you forever... but I can't live that long.
Making food: 1 hour. Eating food: 20 seconds. Washing dishes: never ending.
Facebook needs three buttons, "Like", "Dislike" and "Stop being stupid."
I was gonna take over the world today but I overslept. Postponed, again!
I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.
Love many, trust few, always paddle your own canoe.
How come iPhone chargers are not called apple juice?
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it.. I'm totally flexible.
I'm never wrong. Just different levels of right.
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