The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here.
A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up.
I'm sorry that I'm not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse.
How do you go to work? Forced! No, I mean how do you arrive there? Depressed.
Camping: When you spend a small fortune to live like somebody poor.
My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I'd have to do.
If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?
Sometime you meet such a prince that you'd rather marry the horse.
To the guy who created imaginary numbers in Math: I hate you.
I don't have bad handwriting, I'm just using my own font.
Never ask a starfish for directions.
Yesterday I did nothing and today I'm finishing what I did yesterday.
Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.
Do I run? Yes.. Out of time, patients and money.
You had me at "We'll make it look like an accident."
If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you.
Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.
I think something's missing in my life... Like... 2-3 million dollars.
If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot.
My kitchen cleaner says "for a clean kitchen" so I can't use it, mine is dirty.
My decision making skills are as good as a squirrel that's crossing the street.
I remember years ago when all I wanted is to be older. I was wrong!!
I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.
Making food: 1 hour. Eating food: 20 seconds. Washing dishes: never ending.
