Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works.
Another fine day ruined by responsibilities...
Life's biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I don't want to get out of bed.
"Revenge" sounds so mean, that's why I prefer to call it "Returning the favor."
If we shouldn't eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Want to hear a construction joke? Sorry, I'm still working on it.
So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff.
If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible?
I think it is good that books still exist, but they do make me sleepy.
A mind is like a parachute. It doesn't work if it is not open.
Never wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, and the pig likes it.
Pleasing everyone, that's impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake!
Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous.
Life is the dash between the birth date and the passed away date.
I've made it from the bed to the couch. There's no stopping me now.
I'm not arguing, I'm just telling you why you're wrong.
Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a "No Bell" prize.
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