Short Funny Quotes

You call it nagging, I call it 'listen to what I said the first time!'

I don't like morning people... or mornings, or people.

Life is always rocky when you're a gem.

You know you are lazy when you get excited about cancelling your plans.

I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.

I love my computer because all my friends live inside it!

I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing.

I was gonna take over the world today but I overslept. Postponed, again!

A mind is like a parachute. It doesn't work if it is not open.

Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food.

Never let your best friends get lonely... keep disturbing them.

Fart when someone hugs you, it makes them feel strong.

They say "don't try this at home" so I'm coming over to your house to try it.

I don't need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry!

What keys can't open locks? Monkeys, donkeys and turkeys.