Short Funny Quotes

I'm off to club bed, featuring DJ Pillow and MC Blanky.

Anonymous

Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world.

Anonymous

If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?

Anonymous

My husband is like Math, can't be contradicted.

Anonymous

On Mercury a day lasts 1,408 hours. Just like every Monday does on Earth.

Anonymous

A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up.

Anonymous

I have lots of hidden talents. The problem is, even I can't find them.

Anonymous

Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible?

Anonymous

You call it nagging, I call it 'listen to what I said the first time!'

Anonymous

How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?

Anonymous

It's alright if you don't agree with me... I can't force you to be right.

Anonymous

Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you're getting a dictionary.

Anonymous

The trash gets picked up tomorrow. Be ready.

Anonymous

How do you go to work? Forced! No, I mean how do you arrive there? Depressed.

Anonymous

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Alison Boulter

Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now that's confusing.

Anonymous

Friends are like rainbows, always there to cheer you up after a storm.

Anonymous

Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else?

Anonymous