Short Funny Quotes

Seeing a spider in my room isn't scary. It's scary when it disappears.

Anonymous

We're all mature, until someone pulls out some bubble wrap.

Anonymous

Be happy, it drives people crazy.

Anonymous

If you can't remember my name, just say "Chocolate" and I'll turn around.

Anonymous

The most important four words for a successful marriage: 'I'll do the dishes.'

Anonymous

Never let your best friends get lonely... keep disturbing them.

Anonymous

I'm stuck between "I need to save money" and "You only live once."

Anonymous

If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door.

Anonymous

A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.

Anonymous

Sometime you meet such a prince that you'd rather marry the horse.

Anonymous

Don't judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.

Anonymous

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Anonymous

Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.

Oscar Wilde

Everyone wants your best! Don't let them take it away from you.

Anonymous

Stop saying "B4" instead of "Before," you're ruining my Bingo game.

Anonymous

Santa saw your Facebook posts. This year you're getting a dictionary.

Anonymous

Yesterday I really wanted tacos, and now I'm eating tacos. Follow your dreams!

Anonymous

Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it.

Anonymous