After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."
If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid at all.
I had an extremely busy day, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. Anonymous
If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you. Anonymous
To make a mistake is human, but to blame it on someone else, that's even more human. Anonymous
You laugh because I'm different........... I laugh cause I just farted! Anonymous
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room. Woody Allen
Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film. Anonymous
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid. Anonymous
I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them.
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. Henny Youngman
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories... Steven Alexander Wright
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. Anonymous
It's easy to stop smoking. I stopped smoking today with no problems. I also stopped yesterday too, and the day before that. Anonymous