Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

If it's the fifth day in a row that you don't feel like working, it means it's finally Friday! - Anonymous

If it's the fifth day in a row that you don't feel like working, it means it's finally Friday!

Work Quotes

Don't give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. - Anonymous

Don't give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer.

Newspaper Ad. FREE PUPPIES: Half cocker spaniel, half sneaky neighbors dog. - Anonymous

Newspaper Ad. FREE PUPPIES: Half cocker spaniel, half sneaky neighbors dog.

I finally found love... in Webster's dictionary, page 357 at the bottom right. - Anonymous

I finally found love... in Webster's dictionary, page 357 at the bottom right.

I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. - Anonymous

I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge.

They say money doesn't bring happiness, but everyone still wants to prove it.

They say money doesn't bring happiness, but everyone still wants to prove it for themselves.

People say I act like I don't care. It's not an act. - Anonymous

People say I act like I don't care. It's not an act.

Don't ask me anything, and I won't tell you any lies.

Don't ask me anything, and I won't tell you any lies.

If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front. - Anonymous

If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front.

Stop! You're under arrest for being too sexy. Your sentence is an eternity inside my heart. - Anonymous

Stop! You're under arrest for being too sexy. Your sentence is an eternity inside my heart.

Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face. - Anonymous

Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face.

Hmmm this text message is a little too harsh, I'll add LOL at the end. - Anonymous

Hmmm this text message is a little too harsh, I'll add LOL at the end.

Sharks are not so bad... If a stranger came into my house wearing only a bathing suit, I'd probably get angry too. - Anonymous

Sharks are not so bad... If a stranger came into my house wearing only a bathing suit, I'd probably get angry too.

People Quotes

I'd walk thought fire for my best friend. Well, not fire because that's dangerous.

I'd walk through fire for my best friend. Well, not fire because that's dangerous. But a super humid room... well not too humid, because you know... my hair.

Life status: Currently holding it all together with one bobby pin. - Anonymous

Life status: Currently holding it all together with one bobby pin.

I'll call it a smartphone when I yell "Where's my phone?" and it yells back "Down here in the couch cushions!" - Anonymous

I'll call it a smartphone when I yell "Where's my phone?" and it yells back "Down here in the couch cushions!"

Phone

I'm not running away from hard work, I'm too lazy to run. - Anonymous

I'm not running away from hard work, I'm too lazy to run.

I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.

I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.

Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. - Anonymous

Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back.

If you're all wrapped up in yourself then you are overdressed.

If you're all wrapped up in yourself then you are overdressed.

Two mice are eating a movie film roll at a cinema when one says to the other: this movie is good, but the book was better!

Two mice are eating a movie film roll at a cinema when one says to the other: this movie is good, but the book was better!

At night, I can't fall asleep. In the morning, I can't get up. - Anonymous

At night, I can't fall asleep. In the morning, I can't get up.

I'm not arguing, I'm just telling you why you're wrong. - Anonymous

I'm not arguing, I'm just telling you why you're wrong.

Smiles are contagious... be a carrier. - Anonymous

Smiles are contagious... be a carrier.

Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here. - Anonymous

Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.