Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Life status: Currently holding it all together with one bobby pin. - Anonymous

Life status: Currently holding it all together with one bobby pin.

I always help my wife out with housework such as washing the dishes and doing the laundry. She washes them, and I let them dry. - Anonymous

I always help my wife out with housework such as washing the dishes and doing the laundry. She washes them, and I let them dry.

I love you so much I'd fight a bear for you. Well not a grizzly bear because they have claws, and not a panda bear because they know Kung Fu... But a care bear, I'd definitely fight a care bear for you. - Anonymous

I love you so much I'd fight a bear for you. Well not a grizzly bear because they have claws, and not a panda bear because they know Kung Fu... But a care bear, I'd definitely fight a care bear for you.

I'm not really a control freak, but... can I show the right way to do that? - Anonymous

I'm not really a control freak, but... can I show the right way to do that?

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

Why did Adele cross the road? To say 'Hello' from the other side. - Anonymous

Why did Adele cross the road? To say 'Hello' from the other side.

Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it. - Anonymous

Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it.

I'm not running away from hard work, I'm too lazy to run. - Anonymous

I'm not running away from hard work, I'm too lazy to run.

They say money doesn't bring happiness, but everyone still wants to prove it.

They say money doesn't bring happiness, but everyone still wants to prove it for themselves.

If it's the fifth day in a row that you don't feel like working, it means it's finally Friday! - Anonymous

If it's the fifth day in a row that you don't feel like working, it means it's finally Friday!

Work Quotes

Don't give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. - Anonymous

Don't give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer.

Newspaper Ad. FREE PUPPIES: Half cocker spaniel, half sneaky neighbors dog. - Anonymous

Newspaper Ad. FREE PUPPIES: Half cocker spaniel, half sneaky neighbors dog.

People say I act like I don't care. It's not an act. - Anonymous

People say I act like I don't care. It's not an act.

I finally found love... in Webster's dictionary, page 357 at the bottom right. - Anonymous

I finally found love... in Webster's dictionary, page 357 at the bottom right.

I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. - Anonymous

I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge.

Don't ask me anything, and I won't tell you any lies.

Don't ask me anything, and I won't tell you any lies.

I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.

I am on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.

If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front. - Anonymous

If people are talking behind your back, be happy that you are the one in front.

Sleeping is hard in the summer because the blankets are too warm, but without them I am vulnerable to monsters. - Anonymous

Sleeping is hard in the summer because the blankets are too warm, but without them I am vulnerable to monsters.

Stop! You're under arrest for being too sexy. Your sentence is an eternity inside my heart. - Anonymous

Stop! You're under arrest for being too sexy. Your sentence is an eternity inside my heart.

An adult is a person who no longer grows in height, but instead grows in length and width. - Anonymous

An adult is a person who no longer grows in height, but instead grows in length and width.

Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face. - Anonymous

Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face.

Sharks are not so bad... If a stranger came into my house wearing only a bathing suit, I'd probably get angry too. - Anonymous

Sharks are not so bad... If a stranger came into my house wearing only a bathing suit, I'd probably get angry too.

People Quotes

I'd walk thought fire for my best friend. Well, not fire because that's dangerous.

I'd walk through fire for my best friend. Well, not fire because that's dangerous. But a super humid room... well not too humid, because you know... my hair.

Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. - Anonymous

Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back.