Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Asleep first

Those who snore always fall asleep first.

People Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

Got to work this morning and my boss told me 'have a good day', so I went home and had a great day!

Got to work this morning and my boss told me 'have a good day', so I went home and had a great day!

Good Quotes Work Quotes

At night, I can't fall asleep. In the morning, I can't get up. - Anonymous

At night, I can't fall asleep. In the morning, I can't get up.

Life Quotes Short Quotes Sleep Quotes

Your legs must be tired because you have been running through my mind all night.

Your legs must be tired because you have been running through my mind all night.

Love Quotes Stupid Quotes

I'm not frowning, I'm just smiling upside down.

I'm not frowning, I'm just smiling upside down.

Life Quotes Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

I've always wanted to turn around in an executive chair and say "I've been expecting you." - Anonymous

I've always wanted to turn around in an executive chair and say "I've been expecting you."

Statements Work Quotes

The only thing you have to fear is fear itself... and spiders.

The only thing you have to fear is fear itself... and spiders.

Animals Sayings Short Quotes

Yes of course I am athletic... I surf the Internet every day. - Anonymous

Yes of course I am athletic... I surf the Internet every day.

Exercise Quotes Internet Lazy Quotes

Ladies and gentlemen thank you for flying xyz airlines, we hope you enjoyed your flight as much as we enjoyed taking your money. Please remember to take all your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among crew members. - Anonymous

Ladies and gentlemen thank you for flying xyz airlines, we hope you enjoyed your flight as much as we enjoyed taking your money. Please remember to take all your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among crew members.

Moments Money Quotes

I only have one wish in life... For all my dreams to come true. - Anonymous

I only have one wish in life... For all my dreams to come true.

Life Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

Some days I wish I had the wisdom of a 90 year old, the body of a 20 year old, and the energy of a 3 year old. - Anonymous

Some days I wish I had the wisdom of a 90 year old, the body of a 20 year old, and the energy of a 3 year old.

I started thinking about the dangers of drinking on new year's eve. After that, I decided to stop thinking. - Anonymous

I started thinking about the dangers of drinking on new year's eve. After that, I decided to stop thinking.

Drinking Stupid Quotes Think Quotes

If I'm silent it's because there's thunder inside me. Or I'm just chilling, may the odds be in your favor. - Anonymous

If I'm silent it's because there's thunder inside me. Or I'm just chilling, may the odds be in your favor.

Life Quotes Sayings

Silence is golden. Too bad nobody is buying.

Silence is golden. Too bad nobody is buying.

Short Quotes Wise Quotes

Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have thick fingers. - Anonymous

Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have thick fingers.

Animals Questions Short Quotes

Another fine day ruined by responsibilities... - Anonymous

Another fine day ruined by responsibilities...

Life Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

Yesterday I really wanted tacos, and now I'm eating tacos. Follow your dreams! - Anonymous

Yesterday I really wanted tacos, and now I'm eating tacos. Follow your dreams!

Eat Quotes Life Quotes Short Quotes

The secret to happiness is not to do what makes you happy, it's to be happy doing what you're already doing.

The secret to happiness is not to do what makes you happy, it's to be happy doing what you're already doing.

Happy Quotes Sayings

Me and my best friend can communicate with just facial expressions. - Anonymous

Me and my best friend can communicate with just facial expressions.

Friend Quotes Short Quotes

I'm not feeling very worky today. - Anonymous

I'm not feeling very worky today.

Short Quotes Work Quotes

Best friend: the one you can only get mad at for a short period, because you have important stuff to tell them. - Anonymous

Best friend: the one you can only get mad at for a short period, because you have important stuff to tell them.

I believe there should be a better way to start each day... instead of waking up every morning.

I believe there should be a better way to start each day... instead of waking up every morning.

Moments Sleep Quotes Top 100

Some days, you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue, just live with it.

Some days, you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue, just live with it.

Sayings Short Quotes

I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong. - Anonymous

I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.

People Quotes Short Quotes Statements

I don't need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry! - Anonymous

I don't need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry!

Sayings Short Quotes