Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter... people the opposite. - Anonymous

Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter... people the opposite. Anonymous

People Quotes Phone Short Quotes

Sorry I'm late, I got here as soon as I wanted to. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes

Lazy Rule: Can't reach it, don't need it. - Anonymous

Lazy Rule: Can't reach it, don't need it. Anonymous

Lazy Quotes Short Quotes

Today I started gardening... I planted myself in front of the TV and I sat there the entire day. - Anonymous

Today I started gardening... I planted myself in front of the TV and I sat there the entire day. Anonymous

It was me, I let the dogs out. - Anonymous

It was me, I let the dogs out. Anonymous

Animals Dog Quotes Short Quotes

Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you. - Anonymous

Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you. Anonymous

Friend Quotes Top 100

My best friends are like fairy tales, they've been there since once upon a time and will be there until forever after. - Anonymous

My best friends are like fairy tales, they've been there since once upon a time and will be there until forever after. Anonymous

Friend Quotes Top 100

Tried going out with my girlfriend but by the time she finished putting on her makeup the weekend was over.

Tried going out with my girlfriend but by the time she finished putting on her makeup the weekend was over. Anonymous

Life Quotes Time Quotes

What keys can't open locks? Monkeys, donkeys and turkeys. - Anonymous

What keys can't open locks? Monkeys, donkeys and turkeys. Anonymous

Animals Questions Short Quotes

The right to be heard does not include the right to be taken seriously. - Anonymous

The right to be heard does not include the right to be taken seriously. Anonymous

Life Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

Online shopping gives me a reason to live for another 3-5 business days. Anonymous

A human fart can be louder than a trombone. I discovered that at my daughters school concert. - Anonymous

A human fart can be louder than a trombone. I discovered that at my daughters school concert. Anonymous

Just because it's a bad idea doesn't mean it won't be a good time. - Anonymous

Just because it's a bad idea doesn't mean it won't be a good time. Anonymous

Good Quotes Short Quotes

Silence is golden. Too bad nobody is buying.

Silence is golden. Too bad nobody is buying. Anonymous

Short Quotes Wise Quotes

The only running I do is to chase the ice cream truck. - Anonymous

The only running I do is to chase the ice cream truck. Anonymous

I only want one thing from fake people: distance. - Anonymous

I only want one thing from fake people: distance. Anonymous

People Quotes Short Quotes

I didn't like my beard at first... then it grew on me. - Anonymous

I didn't like my beard at first... then it grew on me. Anonymous

Short Quotes Wise Quotes

Life is not about how you survive the storm, it's about how you dance in the rain. - Anonymous

Life is not about how you survive the storm, it's about how you dance in the rain. Anonymous

Stop! You're under arrest for being too sexy. Your sentence is an eternity inside my heart. - Anonymous

Stop! You're under arrest for being too sexy. Your sentence is an eternity inside my heart. Anonymous

Love Quotes Marriage Quotes

So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff. - Anonymous

So it turns out that being an adult is mostly just Googling how to do stuff. Anonymous

Life Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

I don't know how to act my age because I've never been this old before. - Anonymous

I don't know how to act my age because I've never been this old before. Anonymous

Know Quotes Never Quotes People Quotes

My boss asked me where I see myself in 5 years. I told him if his hair keeps falling out, I'll see myself in his bald spot. - Anonymous

My boss asked me where I see myself in 5 years. I told him if his hair keeps falling out, I'll see myself in his bald spot. Anonymous

Friendship quote - Real friends walks in when the rest walk out

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out. Anonymous

Friend Quotes Short Quotes World Quotes

A new year resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other. Anonymous