Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.
Life doesn't have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. Anonymous
A fisherman who just caught a huge salmon reels the fish in, looks at the fish and says 'I am taking you for tonight's dinner!' The fish replies 'I already ate, can we go somewhere else?' Anonymous
Give a man a fish and he will have food for one day. Teach him to catch fish and he will spend all day at the lake drinking beer. Anonymous
Some days I wish I had the wisdom of a 90 year old, the body of a 20 year old, and the energy of a 3 year old. Anonymous
Bought a talking parrot today and taught him to say "Help, I've been turned into a parrot." Anonymous
I don't mean to interrupt people, I just randomly remember things and get really excited. Anonymous
Today was once tomorrow, and tomorrow will be today soon. CoolFunnyQuotes.com
Math is fun, it teaches you life and death information, like when you're cold, you should go to a corner since it's 90 degrees there. Anonymous
Cat life mice can foxes be wolves boring frogs but grasshopper let's swan love it cow anyhow. Now read it again without the animals. CoolFunnyQuotes.com
I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say.
I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly. Steven Alexander Wright
It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. Steven Alexander Wright
Whether you give a crap or don't give a crap, nobody wants crap anyway! CoolFunnyQuotes.com
I wish that all of my enemies had three cars parked in front of their house. An ambulance, fire truck and police car. Anonymous
I'm not here to judge, I'm just pointing out all the mistakes you're making. CoolFunnyQuotes.com