Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

What's best way to build upper arm strength? Take lots of selfies.

What's best way to build upper arm strength? Take lots of selfies.

After a lot of research, scientists have concluded that the most vitamins are found in the pharmacy. - Anonymous

After a lot of research, scientists have concluded that the most vitamins are found in the pharmacy.

Stupid Quotes

If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. - Anonymous

If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried.

The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it's having the phone number of somebody who does!

The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it's having the phone number of somebody who does!

I'm looking to buy a new boomerang, how can I throw the old one out?

I'm looking to buy a new boomerang, how can I throw the old one out?

I'm a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot. - Anonymous

I'm a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.

You're born free, then you're taxed to death.

You're born free, then you're taxed to death.

I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong. - Anonymous

I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.

I love everyone! I love to be around some people, I love to stay away from others, and some I'd just love to punch right in the face!

I love everyone! I love to be around some people, I love to stay away from others, and some I'd just love to punch right in the face!

If you can't remember my name, just say "Chocolate" and I'll turn around. - Anonymous

If you can't remember my name, just say "Chocolate" and I'll turn around.

Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have thick fingers. - Anonymous

Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have thick fingers.

Is it good if a vacuum really sucks? - Anonymous

Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

I love it when strangers smile at me and I smile back, and we have that nice stranger smiling moment. - Anonymous

I love it when strangers smile at me and I smile back, and we have that nice stranger smiling moment.

You laugh because I'm different...........
I laugh cause I just farted! - Anonymous

You laugh because I'm different........... I laugh cause I just farted!

I made a huge to do list for today. I just can't figure out who's going to do it.

I made a huge to do list for today. I just can't figure out who's going to do it.

Sayings

Those who think they know it all are very annoying to those of us who actually do. - Anonymous

Those who think they know it all are very annoying to those of us who actually do.

Laughing is one of the best exercises, it's like running inside your mind. You can do it almost anywhere and it's even better with a friend.

Laughing is one of the best exercises, it's like running inside your mind. You can do it almost anywhere and it's even better with a friend.

I'm super lazy today. It's like normal lazy but I'm wearing a cape. - Anonymous

I'm super lazy today. It's like normal lazy but I'm wearing a cape.

I'm so glad I learned about parallelograms instead of how to do taxes. It's ready handy this parallelogram season. - Anonymous

I'm so glad I learned about parallelograms instead of how to do taxes. It's ready handy this parallelogram season.

Math Quotes

After (M)onday and (T)uesday comes WTF ! - Anonymous

After (M)onday and (T)uesday comes WTF !

If you can't laugh at your own problems, call me and I'll laugh at them. - Anonymous

If you can't laugh at your own problems, call me and I'll laugh at them.

I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. - Anonymous

I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better.

I don't work on weekends, or any other day that ends with "Y".

I don't work on weekends, or any other day that ends with "Y".

Relax, it's the weekend... just don't blink or it will be all over. - Anonymous

Relax, it's the weekend... just don't blink or it will be all over.

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? - Anonymous

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?