Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

My wife never gives up. She is so insistent that she entered the wrong password over and over again until she managed to convince the computer that she's right!

$A few days ago I lost my weapon of Math instruction... my trusty pocket calculator. - Anonymous$

A few days ago I lost my weapon of Math instruction... my trusty pocket calculator.

You laugh because I'm different...........
I laugh cause I just farted! - Anonymous

You laugh because I'm different........... I laugh cause I just farted!

Dear sleep, I'm sorry we broke up this morning. I want you back! - Anonymous

Dear sleep, I'm sorry we broke up this morning. I want you back!

Interviewer: What do you make at your current job? Me: Mostly mistakes and inappropriate comments. - Anonymous

Interviewer: What do you make at your current job? Me: Mostly mistakes and inappropriate comments.

Work Quotes

If a philosopher answers your question, you will no longer understand what you asked in the first place.

If a philosopher answers your question, you will no longer understand what you asked in the first place.

True love is truly amazing only when it's truly true. - Anonymous

True love is truly amazing only when it's truly true.

What's best way to build upper arm strength? Take lots of selfies.

What's best way to build upper arm strength? Take lots of selfies.

After a lot of research, scientists have concluded that the most vitamins are found in the pharmacy. - Anonymous

After a lot of research, scientists have concluded that the most vitamins are found in the pharmacy.

Stupid Quotes

If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. - Anonymous

If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried.

The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it's having the phone number of somebody who does!

The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it's having the phone number of somebody who does!

I'm looking to buy a new boomerang, how can I throw the old one out?

I'm looking to buy a new boomerang, how can I throw the old one out?

If Monday had a face... I would punch it. - Anonymous

If Monday had a face... I would punch it.

Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have thick fingers. - Anonymous

Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have thick fingers.

I love everyone! I love to be around some people, I love to stay away from others, and some I'd just love to punch right in the face!

I love everyone! I love to be around some people, I love to stay away from others, and some I'd just love to punch right in the face!

Listen, smile, agree.. Then do whatever you were gonna do anyway. - Anonymous

Listen, smile, agree.. Then do whatever you were gonna do anyway.

You're born free, then you're taxed to death.

You're born free, then you're taxed to death.

I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong. - Anonymous

I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.

I'm super lazy today. It's like normal lazy but I'm wearing a cape. - Anonymous

I'm super lazy today. It's like normal lazy but I'm wearing a cape.

If you can't remember my name, just say "Chocolate" and I'll turn around. - Anonymous

If you can't remember my name, just say "Chocolate" and I'll turn around.

Photo of lioness sitting on grass with quotation about lion being afraid.

A zooology teacher asks the class 'What is the one animal in the jungle that a lion is afraid of?' The class answers: a lioness.

Animals

Is it good if a vacuum really sucks? - Anonymous

Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

I love it when strangers smile at me and I smile back, and we have that nice stranger smiling moment. - Anonymous

I love it when strangers smile at me and I smile back, and we have that nice stranger smiling moment.

I made a huge to do list for today. I just can't figure out who's going to do it.

I made a huge to do list for today. I just can't figure out who's going to do it.

Sayings

Those who think they know it all are very annoying to those of us who actually do. - Anonymous

Those who think they know it all are very annoying to those of us who actually do.