Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

In the morning you beg to sleep more, in the afternoon you are dying to sleep, and at night you refuse to sleep. - Anonymous

In the morning you beg to sleep more, in the afternoon you are dying to sleep, and at night you refuse to sleep.

If you can't laugh at your own problems, call me and I'll laugh at them. - Anonymous

If you can't laugh at your own problems, call me and I'll laugh at them.

I'm super lazy today. It's like normal lazy but I'm wearing a cape. - Anonymous

I'm super lazy today. It's like normal lazy but I'm wearing a cape.

Two fleas are coming out of a bar when one asks the other 'Do we take a dog or do we walk home?' - Anonymous

Two fleas are coming out of a bar when one asks the other 'Do we take a dog or do we walk home?'

I don't work on weekends, or any other day that ends with "Y".

I don't work on weekends, or any other day that ends with "Y".

Relax, it's the weekend... just don't blink or it will be all over. - Anonymous

Relax, it's the weekend... just don't blink or it will be all over.

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? - Anonymous

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Dear Humans, in case you forgot, I used to be your Internet.

Dear humans, in case you forgot, I used to be your Internet. Sincerely, The Library.

What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours?

What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna pee on myself.

Every time we try to eat healthy along comes Christmas, Easter, summer, Friday, or Tuesday and ruins it for us. - Anonymous

Every time we try to eat healthy along comes Christmas, Easter, summer, Friday, or Tuesday and ruins it for us.

Eat Quotes

I'm not frowning, I'm just smiling upside down.

I'm not frowning, I'm just smiling upside down.

Yes of course I am athletic... I surf the Internet every day. - Anonymous

Yes of course I am athletic... I surf the Internet every day.

Life is always rocky when you're a gem. - Anonymous

Life is always rocky when you're a gem.

Work again? Really? Didn't I just do that yesterday? - Anonymous

Work again? Really? Didn't I just do that yesterday?

Life is too short to remove USB safely. - Anonymous

Life is too short to remove USB safely.

You can talk to yourself and you can answer yourself, but if feel the need to pardon yourself, that's when you know something's wrong. - Anonymous

You can talk to yourself and you can answer yourself, but if feel the need to pardon yourself, that's when you know something's wrong.

Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have thick fingers. - Anonymous

Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have thick fingers.

I would cry but my makeup is too expensive. - Anonymous

I would cry but my makeup is too expensive.

Short Quotes

All of us light up a room, some when they enter, others when they leave.

All of us light up a room, some when they enter, others when they leave.

The secret to happiness is not to do what makes you happy, it's to be happy doing what you're already doing.

The secret to happiness is not to do what makes you happy, it's to be happy doing what you're already doing.

A text message can lead to a date, which can lead to a kiss, and a wonderful night together. Will you text me? - Anonymous

A text message can lead to a date, which can lead to a kiss, and a wonderful night together. Will you text me?

Love Quotes

I feel the best when I am happy.

I feel the best when I am happy.

The most fun things in life are either immoral, illegal or they make you fat.

The most fun things in life are either immoral, illegal or they make you fat.

I'm sorry, I didn't realize that you're an expert on my life and how I should live it! Please continue while I take notes. - Anonymous

I'm sorry, I didn't realize that you're an expert on my life and how I should live it! Please continue while I take notes.

Life Quotes

To be a good hunter you need good eyes, a steady hand, and a loud voice so you can yell for help when you're in a tree top.

To be a good hunter you need good eyes, a steady hand, and a loud voice so you can yell for help when you're in a tree top.