Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television.

The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television.

Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place... the fridge. - Anonymous

Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place... the fridge.

Life is too short to remove USB safely. - Anonymous

Life is too short to remove USB safely.

How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How does the confused dog bark? Wutf? Wutf?

I love it when strangers smile at me and I smile back, and we have that nice stranger smiling moment. - Anonymous

I love it when strangers smile at me and I smile back, and we have that nice stranger smiling moment.

Relax, it's the weekend... just don't blink or it will be all over. - Anonymous

Relax, it's the weekend... just don't blink or it will be all over.

I'm not lazy, I'm on power saving mode. - Anonymous

I'm not lazy, I'm on power saving mode.

There's nothing better than good friend, except for a good friend with chocolate.

There's nothing better than a good friend, except for a good friend with chocolate.

I'm like Pacman when I'm at a party, I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me. - Anonymous

I'm like Pacman when I'm at a party, I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.

I'm not frowning, I'm just smiling upside down.

I'm not frowning, I'm just smiling upside down.

True love is truly amazing only when it's truly true. - Anonymous

True love is truly amazing only when it's truly true.

If you can't laugh at your own problems, call me and I'll laugh at them. - Anonymous

If you can't laugh at your own problems, call me and I'll laugh at them.

Marriage is like a hot bath, once you get used to it it's not so hot any more. - Anonymous

Marriage is like a hot bath, once you get used to it it's not so hot any more.

To be a good hunter you need good eyes, a steady hand, and a loud voice so you can yell for help when you're in a tree top.

To be a good hunter you need good eyes, a steady hand, and a loud voice so you can yell for help when you're in a tree top.

The most fun things in life are either immoral, illegal or they make you fat.

The most fun things in life are either immoral, illegal or they make you fat.

I don't work on weekends, or any other day that ends with "Y".

I don't work on weekends, or any other day that ends with "Y".

Parenthood, the scariest hood to go through. - Anonymous

Parenthood, the scariest hood to go through.

You can talk to yourself and you can answer yourself, but if feel the need to pardon yourself, that's when you know something's wrong. - Anonymous

You can talk to yourself and you can answer yourself, but if feel the need to pardon yourself, that's when you know something's wrong.

After a lot of research, scientists have concluded that the most vitamins are found in the pharmacy. - Anonymous

After a lot of research, scientists have concluded that the most vitamins are found in the pharmacy.

Cavities are like parking tickets, they show up by surprise and take all your pocket money. - Anonymous

Cavities are like parking tickets, they show up by surprise and take all your pocket money.

Today I will live in the moment... unless that moment becomes unpleasant, in which case I'll take a nap. - Anonymous

Today I will live in the moment... unless that moment becomes unpleasant, in which case I'll take a nap.

I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong. - Anonymous

I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.

I love everyone! I love to be around some people, I love to stay away from others, and some I'd just love to punch right in the face!

I love everyone! I love to be around some people, I love to stay away from others, and some I'd just love to punch right in the face!

After a while, I eventually fell in love and there was nobody to pick me up.

After a while, I eventually fell in love and there was nobody to pick me up.

I believe there should be a better way to start each day... instead of waking up every morning.

I believe there should be a better way to start each day... instead of waking up every morning.