Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Dear Diamond, we all know who is really a girl's best friend. Sincerely yours, Chocolate Cake. - Anonymous

Dear Diamond, we all know who is really a girl's best friend. Sincerely yours, Chocolate Cake.

Eat Quotes Friend Quotes Know Quotes

Sometimes I can't tell if I'm in preschool or school... Oh wait, I'm at work. - Anonymous

Sometimes I can't tell if I'm in preschool or school... Oh wait, I'm at work.

Life Quotes Short Quotes Work Quotes

Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years.... then we met.

Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years.... then we met.

Happy Quotes Marriage Quotes Short Quotes

True friends don't judge each other, they judge other people... together. - Anonymous

True friends don't judge each other, they judge other people... together.

Friend Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money. - Anonymous

I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.

Money Quotes Short Quotes

Chocolate doesn't ask silly questions, chocolate understands. - Anonymous

Chocolate doesn't ask silly questions, chocolate understands.

Questions Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

Why must I prove that I am me when I pay bills over the phone? Did some else call to pay my bills, and if they did, why don't you let them? - Anonymous

Why must I prove that I am me when I pay bills over the phone? Did some else call to pay my bills, and if they did, why don't you let them?

Life Quotes Money Quotes Phone

I'm not running away from hard work, I'm too lazy to run. - Anonymous

I'm not running away from hard work, I'm too lazy to run.

Exercise Quotes Lazy Quotes Short Quotes

You can trust your dog to guard your house.

You can trust your dog to guard your house but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich.

Animals Dog Quotes Eat Quotes

If Monday had a face... I would punch it. - Anonymous

If Monday had a face... I would punch it.

Sayings Short Quotes Work Quotes

Life is the dash between the birth date and the passed away date. - Anonymous

Life is the dash between the birth date and the passed away date.

Life Quotes Short Quotes

Today I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. - Anonymous

Today I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym.

Exercise Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

My new year's resolution was to quit all my bad habits, but then it occurred to me - nobody likes a quitter. - Anonymous

My new year's resolution was to quit all my bad habits, but then it occurred to me - nobody likes a quitter.

If only common sense were more common. - Anonymous

If only common sense were more common.

Sayings Short Quotes

They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?

They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?

Love Quotes Money Quotes Top 100

Your mind needs exercise just as much as your body does, that's why I think of jogging every day. - Anonymous

Your mind needs exercise just as much as your body does, that's why I think of jogging every day.

Exercise Quotes Stupid Quotes Think Quotes

Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It's like Facebook in real life. - Anonymous

Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It's like Facebook in real life.

Facebook Life Quotes People Quotes

Stupidity is far more fascinating than intelligence, after all intelligence has it's limits. - Anonymous

Stupidity is far more fascinating than intelligence, after all intelligence has it's limits.

Sayings Stupid Quotes

I love that cute thing you do when you stop texting me for hours, it's adorable. - Anonymous

I love that cute thing you do when you stop texting me for hours, it's adorable.

People Quotes Phone Statements

I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you?

I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you?

Love Quotes Short Quotes Sleep Quotes

When you have a hammer in your hand everything around you starts looking like a nail.

When you have a hammer in your hand everything around you starts looking like a nail.

Minimum wage is like work enthusiasm, it disappears quickly. - Anonymous

Minimum wage is like work enthusiasm, it disappears quickly.

Money Quotes Short Quotes Work Quotes

Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh. - Anonymous

Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.

Friend Quotes Phone Short Quotes

Me: We need to fall asleep. Brain: No, let's stay awake and think about every decision we made today. - Anonymous

Me: We need to fall asleep. Brain: No, let's stay awake and think about every decision we made today.

Life Quotes Sleep Quotes Think Quotes

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I'm gonna need everybody to stop living here. - Anonymous

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I'm gonna need everybody to stop living here.

Life Quotes Stupid Quotes Top 100