Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Every time we try to eat healthy along comes Christmas, Easter, summer, Friday, or Tuesday and ruins it for us. - Anonymous

Every time we try to eat healthy along comes Christmas, Easter, summer, Friday, or Tuesday and ruins it for us.

I'm not frowning, I'm just smiling upside down.

I'm not frowning, I'm just smiling upside down.

Life Quotes Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

Near year 2013, resolutions you can keep.

New year resolutions you can actually keep!
Skip more classes in school.
Call in sick at work more.
Go shopping more often.
Eat more unhealthy food like fries and burgers.
Drink more pop cans instead of freshly squeezing healthy fruits.
Do less exercise and watch more TV.

Eat Quotes Exercise Quotes Stupid Quotes

A text message can lead to a date, which can lead to a kiss, and a wonderful night together. Will you text me? - Anonymous

A text message can lead to a date, which can lead to a kiss, and a wonderful night together. Will you text me?

I believe there should be a better way to start each day... instead of waking up every morning.

I believe there should be a better way to start each day... instead of waking up every morning.

Moments Sleep Quotes

Life is too short to remove USB safely. - Anonymous

Life is too short to remove USB safely.

Computers Life Quotes Short Quotes

You can talk to yourself and you can answer yourself, but if feel the need to pardon yourself, that's when you know something's wrong. - Anonymous

You can talk to yourself and you can answer yourself, but if feel the need to pardon yourself, that's when you know something's wrong.

Know Quotes Sayings

All of us light up a room, some when they enter, others when they leave.

All of us light up a room, some when they enter, others when they leave.

People Quotes Short Quotes

I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. - Anonymous

I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays.

Lazy Quotes Short Quotes Work Quotes

Good friends don't let their friends do stupid things alone. - Anonymous

Good friends don't let their friends do stupid things alone.

Friend Quotes Good Quotes Short Quotes

Just because it's called makeup, it doesn't mean it should make up 100% of your face. - Anonymous

Just because it's called makeup, it doesn't mean it should make up 100% of your face.

The secret to happiness is not to do what makes you happy, it's to be happy doing what you're already doing.

The secret to happiness is not to do what makes you happy, it's to be happy doing what you're already doing.

Happy Quotes Sayings

I feel the best when I am happy.

I feel the best when I am happy.

Happy Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

I'm like Pacman when I'm at a party, I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me. - Anonymous

I'm like Pacman when I'm at a party, I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.

Analogies Eat Quotes Top 100

The most fun things in life are either immoral, illegal or they make you fat.

The most fun things in life are either immoral, illegal or they make you fat.

Life Quotes Short Quotes

Stop texting me in the middle of texting you... now I have to change my text. - Anonymous

Stop texting me in the middle of texting you... now I have to change my text.

People Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

I'm sorry, I didn't realize that you're an expert on my life and how I should live it! Please continue while I take notes. - Anonymous

I'm sorry, I didn't realize that you're an expert on my life and how I should live it! Please continue while I take notes.

I'll call it a smartphone when I yell "Where's my phone?" and it yells back "Down here in the couch cushions!" - Anonymous

I'll call it a smartphone when I yell "Where's my phone?" and it yells back "Down here in the couch cushions!"

When someone doesn't like something, it's often because they're not familiar with it, or they're too familiar with it.

When someone doesn't like something, it's often because they're not familiar with it, or they're too familiar with it.

Analogies Sayings Top 100

To be a good hunter you need good eyes, a steady hand, and a loud voice so you can yell for help when you're in a tree top.

To be a good hunter you need good eyes, a steady hand, and a loud voice so you can yell for help when you're in a tree top.

Animals Funny Tree Quotes Good Quotes

Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh. - Anonymous

Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.

Friend Quotes Phone Short Quotes

Cavities are like parking tickets, they show up by surprise and take all your pocket money. - Anonymous

Cavities are like parking tickets, they show up by surprise and take all your pocket money.

Analogies Money Quotes

I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you?

I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you?

Love Quotes Short Quotes Sleep Quotes

Why did Adele cross the road? To say 'Hello' from the other side. - Anonymous

Why did Adele cross the road? To say 'Hello' from the other side.

Questions Short Quotes Top 100

Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it. - Anonymous

Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it.

Love Quotes Short Quotes