Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Every time we try to eat healthy along comes Christmas, Easter, summer, Friday, or Tuesday and ruins it for us. - Anonymous

Every time we try to eat healthy along comes Christmas, Easter, summer, Friday, or Tuesday and ruins it for us. Anonymous

Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. - Anonymous

Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes Statements

A relationship with a best friend is like a sugarcane... You can crush it, shred it, grind it, squeeze it and it's still sweet. - Anonymous

A relationship with a best friend is like a sugarcane... You can crush it, shred it, grind it, squeeze it and it's still sweet. Anonymous

That awkward moment your mom is doing the dishes and you slowly put your dish in the sink. - Anonymous

That awkward moment your mom is doing the dishes and you slowly put your dish in the sink. Anonymous

Have some patience, I'm screwing things up as fast as possible.

Have some patience, I'm screwing things up as fast as possible. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes

What did my doctor tell me when I rushed into his office and told him I have 40 seconds to live? Hold on a minute! - Anonymous

What did my doctor tell me when I rushed into his office and told him I have 40 seconds to live? Hold on a minute! Anonymous

Life Quotes Questions

I'm never wrong. Just different levels of right. - Anonymous

I'm never wrong. Just different levels of right. Anonymous

Never Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

In America, it is not important how much an item costs, it's more important how much you can save when you buy it.

In America, it is not important how much an item costs, it's more important how much you can save when you buy it. Anonymous

Money Quotes Sayings

I try to contain my craziness, but the lid keeps popping off. Anonymous

An expert is a person who has made every possible mistake in a small field of study.

An expert is a person who has made every possible mistake in a small field of study. Anonymous

At night, I can't fall asleep. In the morning, I can't get up. - Anonymous

At night, I can't fall asleep. In the morning, I can't get up. Anonymous

Life Quotes Short Quotes Sleep Quotes

You don't have to be crazy to hang out with me... I'll train you. - Anonymous

You don't have to be crazy to hang out with me... I'll train you. Anonymous

Friend Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

Just because it's a bad idea doesn't mean it won't be a good time. - Anonymous

Just because it's a bad idea doesn't mean it won't be a good time. Anonymous

Good Quotes Short Quotes

Bathroom sign above toilet: It's like basketball, the basket is bigger than the ball! Learn to score properly! Anonymous

I'm tired of adding 'LOL' to the end of my texts for sensitive people. I said what I said, deal with it. Anonymous

Sometimes I get road rage just pushing a shopping cart in a supermarket. - Anonymous

Sometimes I get road rage just pushing a shopping cart in a supermarket. Anonymous

Moments Short Quotes

Where do I see myself in a year? I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision. Anonymous

Don't ask me anything, and I won't tell you any lies.

Don't ask me anything, and I won't tell you any lies. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. - Anonymous

Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. Anonymous

Short Quotes Sleep Quotes

I may be a beginner at some things, but I have a black belt in shopping. Anonymous

I don't want to brag or anything, but I can still fit in the earrings I wore in high school. Anonymous

If only common sense were more common. - Anonymous

If only common sense were more common. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes

Two mysterious people live in my house. "Somebody" and "Nobody." Somebody did it and nobody knows who. - Anonymous

Two mysterious people live in my house. "Somebody" and "Nobody." Somebody did it and nobody knows who. Anonymous

Today I saw something through a store window that was truly stunning, beautiful and sexy. I wanted to get it for you, but then I realized it's my own reflection!

Today I saw something through a store window that was truly stunning, beautiful and sexy. I wanted to get it for you, but then I realized it's my own reflection! Anonymous

Marriage Quotes