Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. - Anonymous

Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal.

Stop! You're under arrest for being too sexy. Your sentence is an eternity inside my heart. - Anonymous

Stop! You're under arrest for being too sexy. Your sentence is an eternity inside my heart.

Ever since it started snowing my husband is standing in front of the window and watching.

Ever since it started snowing my husband is standing in front of the window and watching. If the snow gets much worse, I might let him inside the house.

Marriage Quotes

Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face. - Anonymous

Friends come and go, like the waves of the ocean, but the true ones stay like an octopus on your face.

No matter how bad it gets I'm always rich when I go to the dollar store. - Anonymous

No matter how bad it gets I'm always rich when I go to the dollar store.

Sharks are not so bad... If a stranger came into my house wearing only a bathing suit, I'd probably get angry too. - Anonymous

Sharks are not so bad... If a stranger came into my house wearing only a bathing suit, I'd probably get angry too.

People Quotes

The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I actually asked for pizza. - Anonymous

The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I actually asked for pizza.

I can't wait for that to never happen. - Anonymous

I can't wait for that to never happen.

My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors. - Anonymous

My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors.

My hobbies include eating and complaining that I've gained too much weight. - Anonymous

My hobbies include eating and complaining that I've gained too much weight.

Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. - Anonymous

Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back.

If you're all wrapped up in yourself then you are overdressed.

If you're all wrapped up in yourself then you are overdressed.

Facebook status: I'm not online, it's just an optical illusion.

Facebook status: I'm not online, it's just an optical illusion.

Two mice are eating a movie film roll at a cinema when one says to the other: this movie is good, but the book was better!

Two mice are eating a movie film roll at a cinema when one says to the other: this movie is good, but the book was better!

At night, I can't fall asleep. In the morning, I can't get up. - Anonymous

At night, I can't fall asleep. In the morning, I can't get up.

Do you ever go out, and then something happens ...

Do you ever go out, and then something happens and you think to yourself 'this is exactly why I don't go out'?

Why shouldn't you ever iron a four leaf clover? You don't want to press your luck.

Questions

In a room full of art, I'd still stare at you. - Anonymous

In a room full of art, I'd still stare at you.

How does a train eat? Chew, Chew... - Anonymous

How does a train eat? Chew, Chew...

Stop destroying the Earth, it's where I keep all my stuff. - Anonymous

Stop destroying the Earth, it's where I keep all my stuff.

I'm not arguing, I'm just telling you why you're wrong. - Anonymous

I'm not arguing, I'm just telling you why you're wrong.

Smiles are contagious... be a carrier. - Anonymous

Smiles are contagious... be a carrier.

Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here. - Anonymous

Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

A misty day does not signify a cloudy day, it signifies frizzy hair.

A misty day does not signify a cloudy day, it signifies frizzy hair.