A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
My hobbies include eating and complaining that I've gained too much weight.
I'm not arguing, I'm just telling you why you're wrong.
How does a train eat? Chew, Chew...
Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food.
I'm not suffering from insanity, I'm enjoying every minute of it.
The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I actually asked for pizza.
I hate it when people text "Call me." I'm going to start calling people and as soon as they answer I'll say "text me," then hang up.
A good mood like is like a balloon, one prick is all it takes to ruin it.
Do you ever go out, and then something happens and you think to yourself 'this is exactly why I don't go out'?
Your legs must be tired because you have been running through my mind all night.
My grandpa's car is so old; when he parked in front of a museum, they towed his car inside the museum.
I know my limits. I don't always obey them, but I know them.
Stop destroying the Earth, it's where I keep all my stuff.
An expert is a person who has made every possible mistake in a small field of study.
No one will ever be as entertained by us as us.
Finding a treasure is like working on algebra equations, all you have to do is find the X.
I need a timeout. Send me to the beach and don't let me come back until I change my attitude.
Why did Adele cross the road? To say 'Hello' from the other side.
Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it.
No matter how bad it gets I'm always rich when I go to the dollar store.
Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal.
A misty day does not signify a cloudy day, it signifies frizzy hair.
Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.
I'm on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle.
In my house dirty dishes are like rabbits, they keep multiplying.
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