Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

My hobbies include eating and complaining that I've gained too much weight. - Anonymous

My hobbies include eating and complaining that I've gained too much weight.

I'm not arguing, I'm just telling you why you're wrong. - Anonymous

I'm not arguing, I'm just telling you why you're wrong.

How does a train eat? Chew, Chew... - Anonymous

How does a train eat? Chew, Chew...

Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food. - Anonymous

Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food.

I'm not suffering from insanity, I'm enjoying every minute of it.

I'm not suffering from insanity, I'm enjoying every minute of it.

The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I actually asked for pizza. - Anonymous

The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I actually asked for pizza.

I hate it when people text "Call me." I'm going to start calling people and as soon as they answer I'll say "text me," then hang up. - Anonymous

I hate it when people text "Call me." I'm going to start calling people and as soon as they answer I'll say "text me," then hang up.

A good mood like is like a balloon, one prick is all it takes to ruin it. - Anonymous

A good mood like is like a balloon, one prick is all it takes to ruin it.

Do you ever go out, and then something happens ...

Do you ever go out, and then something happens and you think to yourself 'this is exactly why I don't go out'?

Your legs must be tired because you have been running through my mind all night.

Your legs must be tired because you have been running through my mind all night.

My grandpa's car is so old; when he parked in front of a museum, they towed his car inside the museum.

My grandpa's car is so old; when he parked in front of a museum, they towed his car inside the museum.

Sayings

I know my limits. I don't always obey them, but I know them. - Anonymous

I know my limits. I don't always obey them, but I know them.

Stop destroying the Earth, it's where I keep all my stuff. - Anonymous

Stop destroying the Earth, it's where I keep all my stuff.

An expert is a person who has made every possible mistake in a small field of study.

An expert is a person who has made every possible mistake in a small field of study.

People Quotes

No one will ever be as entertained by us as us. - Anonymous

No one will ever be as entertained by us as us.

Finding a treasure is like working on algebra equations, all you have to do is find the X. - Anonymous

Finding a treasure is like working on algebra equations, all you have to do is find the X.

Wise Quotes

I need a timeout. Send me to the beach and don't let me come back until I change my attitude. - Anonymous

I need a timeout. Send me to the beach and don't let me come back until I change my attitude.

Life Quotes

Why did Adele cross the road? To say 'Hello' from the other side. - Anonymous

Why did Adele cross the road? To say 'Hello' from the other side.

Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it. - Anonymous

Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it.

No matter how bad it gets I'm always rich when I go to the dollar store. - Anonymous

No matter how bad it gets I'm always rich when I go to the dollar store.

Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. - Anonymous

Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal.

A misty day does not signify a cloudy day, it signifies frizzy hair.

A misty day does not signify a cloudy day, it signifies frizzy hair.

Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive. - Anonymous

Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.

I'm on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle. - Anonymous

I'm on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle.

In my house dirty dishes are like rabbits, they keep multiplying.

In my house dirty dishes are like rabbits, they keep multiplying.