A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
Intelligence is chasing me, but I'm beating it so far.
Dear life, I understand very clearly that you are not fair so you can stop teaching me that lesson.
I can make the doorbell ring any time I want, all I have to do is go to the bathroom.
To a dog, a fire hydrant under maintenance is like a bathroom that's out of service.
There's something missing in my life, I just don't know if it's a puppy, a person, or a slice of pizza.
What great energy, intelligence, and magnificent beautiful eyes... But enough about me, how are you doing?
It's so hot outside that I went to buy vegetables, and by the time I got home they turned into soup already.
I know how to live my life to the fullest.. but let's speak later after I finish playing some computer games.
Fortune cookie: You'll have a better fortune in the next cookie.
Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible?
Want to hear a construction joke? Sorry, I'm still working on it.
Just because I can't sing doesn't mean that I won't sing.
You know you're an adult when you get excited about a new cleaning sponge at the kitchen sink.
A horse is dangerous at both ends, and uncomfortable in the middle.
Could you please be as silent as the G in lasagna?
I don't mean to interrupt people, I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
I would like to thank my middle finger for always sticking up for me when I needed it.
I lost control. Offering reward to anyone who finds it.
In America, it is not important how much an item costs, it's more important how much you can save when you buy it.
Every time I have my picture taken I get hungry because I hear 'cheese' so I
start to think of a nice cheese sandwich.
It's not important to win, it's important to make the other guy lose.
I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I'm hilarious.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Stop crying, Monday will be over soon.
I like to live life dangerously by occasionally sticking my foot out over the edge of the bed at night.
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