A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
Every time I have my picture taken I get hungry because I hear 'cheese' so I
start to think of a nice cheese sandwich.
You don't have to be crazy to hang out with me... I'll train you.
I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I'm hilarious.
I know how to live my life to the fullest.. but let's speak later after I finish playing some computer games.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
I lost control. Offering reward to anyone who finds it.
I might get a job cleaning mirrors. It's definitely a job I can see myself doing.
If there's no love in the world,... let's make some.
I like to live life dangerously by occasionally sticking my foot out over the edge of the bed at night.
Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter... people the opposite.
The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television.
Stop saying "B4" instead of "Before," you're ruining my Bingo game.
Ironing boards are surf boards that quit before achieving their dream. Don't be an ironing board.
Always be yourself, unless you can be a unicorn. Then always be a unicorn.
Sometimes I get road rage just pushing a shopping cart in a supermarket.
If you know how many cupcakes I'm holding behind my back I'll give you both of them.
I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes.
I didn't mean to gain weight, it just happened by snackcident.
I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow.
You know the potholes on a road are bad when they assign lifeguards to them, in case anybody falls inside.
Stop crying, Monday will be over soon.
If you can't find your better half, try finding your better two quarters.
If you know something will go wrong and you do everything to stop it from happening, then something else will go wrong.
A toy that can't be broken can be used to break other toys.
Make yourself at home... clean my kitchen.
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