A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
You know you're an adult when you get excited about a new cleaning sponge at the kitchen sink.
Just because I can't sing doesn't mean that I won't sing.
A horse is dangerous at both ends, and uncomfortable in the middle.
Could you please be as silent as the G in lasagna?
I don't mean to interrupt people, I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
In America, it is not important how much an item costs, it's more important how much you can save when you buy it.
Every time I have my picture taken I get hungry because I hear 'cheese' so I
start to think of a nice cheese sandwich.
There's something missing in my life, I just don't know if it's a puppy, a person, or a slice of pizza.
I know how to live my life to the fullest.. but let's speak later after I finish playing some computer games.
I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I'm hilarious.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
I lost control. Offering reward to anyone who finds it.
If there's no love in the world,... let's make some.
I like to live life dangerously by occasionally sticking my foot out over the edge of the bed at night.
A toy that can't be broken can be used to break other toys.
Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter... people the opposite.
I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at the floor, and think "I'd tap that."
The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television.
Stop saying "B4" instead of "Before," you're ruining my Bingo game.
Ironing boards are surf boards that quit before achieving their dream. Don't be an ironing board.
All you have to know about celery is that it's made up of 95% water, and it's 100% not pizza.
Sometimes I get road rage just pushing a shopping cart in a supermarket.
If you know how many cupcakes I'm holding behind my back I'll give you both of them.
Sorry I didn't pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone.
I didn't mean to gain weight, it just happened by snackcident.
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