Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Bought a talking parrot today and taught him to say Help, I've been turned into a parrot.

Bought a talking parrot today and taught him to say "Help, I've been turned into a parrot."

Animals

I'm not lazy, I'm on power saving mode. - Anonymous

I'm not lazy, I'm on power saving mode.

Every morning I do 10 sit-ups, to hit the snooze button on my alarm clock. - Anonymous

Every morning I do 10 sit-ups, to hit the snooze button on my alarm clock.

You laugh because I'm different...........
I laugh cause I just farted! - Anonymous

You laugh because I'm different........... I laugh cause I just farted!

After a while, I eventually fell in love and there was nobody to pick me up.

After a while, I eventually fell in love and there was nobody to pick me up.

I love everyone! I love to be around some people, I love to stay away from others, and some I'd just love to punch right in the face!

I love everyone! I love to be around some people, I love to stay away from others, and some I'd just love to punch right in the face!

I believe there should be a better way to start each day... instead of waking up every morning.

I believe there should be a better way to start each day... instead of waking up every morning.

For you, I would swim across the ocean. LOL, just kidding, there are sharks in there. - Anonymous

For you, I would swim across the ocean. LOL, just kidding, there are sharks in there.

Good friends don't let their friends do stupid things alone. - Anonymous

Good friends don't let their friends do stupid things alone.

Parenthood, the scariest hood to go through. - Anonymous

Parenthood, the scariest hood to go through.

Today I will live in the moment... unless that moment becomes unpleasant, in which case I'll take a nap. - Anonymous

Today I will live in the moment... unless that moment becomes unpleasant, in which case I'll take a nap.

Those who think they know it all are very annoying to those of us who actually do. - Anonymous

Those who think they know it all are very annoying to those of us who actually do.

There's nothing better than good friend, except for a good friend with chocolate.

There's nothing better than a good friend, except for a good friend with chocolate.

Why do you always see lightning first and hear the thunder later? Because your eyes are in front of your ears.

Stupid Quotes

How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How does the confused dog bark? Wutf? Wutf?

Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying.

Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying.

Just because it's called makeup, it doesn't mean it should make up 100% of your face. - Anonymous

Just because it's called makeup, it doesn't mean it should make up 100% of your face.

Sayings

I did a push-up today. Well actually I fell down, but I had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough. - Anonymous

I did a push-up today. Well actually I fell down, but I had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough.

Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place... the fridge. - Anonymous

Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place... the fridge.

Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh. - Anonymous

Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.

My kitchen cleaner says "for a clean kitchen" so I can't use it, mine is dirty. - Anonymous

My kitchen cleaner says "for a clean kitchen" so I can't use it, mine is dirty.

When life closes a door, just open it again. It's a door, that's how they work. - Anonymous

When life closes a door, just open it again. It's a door, that's how they work.

Cavities are like parking tickets, they show up by surprise and take all your pocket money. - Anonymous

Cavities are like parking tickets, they show up by surprise and take all your pocket money.

In spring birds return from their tropical vacation. Six months later they regret their decision and go back. - Anonymous

In spring birds return from their tropical vacation. Six months later they regret their decision and go back.

Animals

I'm not crazy, my unicorn just needs a tuneup.

I'm not crazy, my unicorn just needs a tuneup.