Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Dear Humans, in case you forgot, I used to be your Internet.

Dear humans, in case you forgot, I used to be your Internet. Sincerely, The Library.

I would cry but my makeup is too expensive. - Anonymous

I would cry but my makeup is too expensive.

Short Quotes

Yes of course I am athletic... I surf the Internet every day. - Anonymous

Yes of course I am athletic... I surf the Internet every day.

What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours?

What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna pee on myself.

If Monday had a face... I would punch it. - Anonymous

If Monday had a face... I would punch it.

I did a push-up today. Well actually I fell down, but I had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough. - Anonymous

I did a push-up today. Well actually I fell down, but I had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough.

Every time we try to eat healthy along comes Christmas, Easter, summer, Friday, or Tuesday and ruins it for us. - Anonymous

Every time we try to eat healthy along comes Christmas, Easter, summer, Friday, or Tuesday and ruins it for us.

Eat Quotes

I'm not frowning, I'm just smiling upside down.

I'm not frowning, I'm just smiling upside down.

Work again? Really? Didn't I just do that yesterday? - Anonymous

Work again? Really? Didn't I just do that yesterday?

Life is too short to remove USB safely. - Anonymous

Life is too short to remove USB safely.

You can talk to yourself and you can answer yourself, but if feel the need to pardon yourself, that's when you know something's wrong. - Anonymous

You can talk to yourself and you can answer yourself, but if feel the need to pardon yourself, that's when you know something's wrong.

I'm not lazy, I'm on power saving mode. - Anonymous

I'm not lazy, I'm on power saving mode.

Good friends don't let their friends do stupid things alone. - Anonymous

Good friends don't let their friends do stupid things alone.

All of us light up a room, some when they enter, others when they leave.

All of us light up a room, some when they enter, others when they leave.

Bought a talking parrot today and taught him to say Help, I've been turned into a parrot.

Bought a talking parrot today and taught him to say "Help, I've been turned into a parrot."

Animals

The secret to happiness is not to do what makes you happy, it's to be happy doing what you're already doing.

The secret to happiness is not to do what makes you happy, it's to be happy doing what you're already doing.

A text message can lead to a date, which can lead to a kiss, and a wonderful night together. Will you text me? - Anonymous

A text message can lead to a date, which can lead to a kiss, and a wonderful night together. Will you text me?

Love Quotes

I feel the best when I am happy.

I feel the best when I am happy.

The most fun things in life are either immoral, illegal or they make you fat.

The most fun things in life are either immoral, illegal or they make you fat.

I'm sorry, I didn't realize that you're an expert on my life and how I should live it! Please continue while I take notes. - Anonymous

I'm sorry, I didn't realize that you're an expert on my life and how I should live it! Please continue while I take notes.

Life Quotes

To be a good hunter you need good eyes, a steady hand, and a loud voice so you can yell for help when you're in a tree top.

To be a good hunter you need good eyes, a steady hand, and a loud voice so you can yell for help when you're in a tree top.

Listen, smile, agree.. Then do whatever you were gonna do anyway. - Anonymous

Listen, smile, agree.. Then do whatever you were gonna do anyway.

Every morning I do 10 sit-ups, to hit the snooze button on my alarm clock. - Anonymous

Every morning I do 10 sit-ups, to hit the snooze button on my alarm clock.

For you, I would swim across the ocean. LOL, just kidding, there are sharks in there. - Anonymous

For you, I would swim across the ocean. LOL, just kidding, there are sharks in there.

After a while, I eventually fell in love and there was nobody to pick me up.

After a while, I eventually fell in love and there was nobody to pick me up.