Anonymous Funny Quotes

Home / Authors / Anonymous / Page 27

A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

The most fun things in life are either immoral, illegal or they make you fat.

The most fun things in life are either immoral, illegal or they make you fat. Anonymous

Life Quotes Short Quotes

I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I'm hilarious. - Anonymous

I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I'm hilarious. Anonymous

Short Quotes Witty Quotes

How do you feel when the coffee machine is out coffee? Depresso. Anonymous

Life Quotes Questions Short Quotes

I'm so old I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign, and we played tic-tac-top on top of it. - Anonymous

I'm so old I remember when a hashtag was called a pound sign, and we played tic-tac-top on top of it. Anonymous

Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious. - Anonymous

Diet day #1: All the unhealthy food has been removed from the house. It was delicious. Anonymous

I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you?

I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you? Anonymous

Love Quotes Short Quotes Sleep Quotes

I wish I could invoice people for wasting my time. - Anonymous

I wish I could invoice people for wasting my time. Anonymous

Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you. - Anonymous

Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you. Anonymous

Friend Quotes Top 100

Some friends are like the wind, some are like mountains. They come in and breeze out of your life, or they are there for a lifetime. - Anonymous

Some friends are like the wind, some are like mountains. They come in and breeze out of your life, or they are there for a lifetime. Anonymous

Friend Quotes Life Quotes Top 100

You just can't live a full life on an empty stomach. - Anonymous

You just can't live a full life on an empty stomach. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Life Quotes Short Quotes

I hate it when people text "Call me." I'm going to start calling people and as soon as they answer I'll say "text me," then hang up. - Anonymous

I hate it when people text "Call me." I'm going to start calling people and as soon as they answer I'll say "text me," then hang up. Anonymous

People Quotes Statements

I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven't pooped it out yet. I'm really scared, you guys. Anonymous

Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it. - Anonymous

Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it. Anonymous

Love Quotes Short Quotes

Pro Tip: In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place weiners and/or cheese slices in your pockets so the search dogs can find you first. - Anonymous

Pro Tip: In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place weiners and/or cheese slices in your pockets so the search dogs can find you first. Anonymous

Animals Dog Quotes

I'm going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, I'm outstanding. - Anonymous

I'm going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, I'm outstanding. Anonymous

People Quotes Short Quotes Witty Quotes

I stretch my arms, I bend my knees, I straighten my neck, and they are all crunching. Conclusion: I'm not getting older, I'm getting more crunchy.

I stretch my arms, I bend my knees, I straighten my neck, and they are all crunching. Conclusion: I'm not getting older, I'm getting more crunchy. Anonymous

I'm still trying to figure out how "wash your hands often" translates into "buy all the toilet paper you can find." Anonymous

Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to. - Anonymous

Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to. Anonymous

Life Quotes Short Quotes

Never forget those who helped you along the way... Google, Wikipedia and Dictionary. Anonymous

We all just kind of accept it as normal that we have a meat tentacle living inside of our mouth. Anonymous

Can we start the weekend again? I wasn't ready. Anonymous

Lazy Quotes Short Quotes Work Quotes

My best friends are like fairy tales, they've been there since once upon a time and will be there until forever after. - Anonymous

My best friends are like fairy tales, they've been there since once upon a time and will be there until forever after. Anonymous

Friend Quotes Top 100

The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I actually asked for pizza. - Anonymous

The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I actually asked for pizza. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Sayings Wise Quotes

Being married means mostly shouting "What?" from other rooms. - Anonymous

Being married means mostly shouting "What?" from other rooms. Anonymous

Marriage Quotes Short Quotes