A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
Today I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym.
I hate when I go to the kitchen looking for food, and I find is ingredients.
People say I act like I don't care. It's not an act.
Me: We need to fall asleep. Brain: No, let's stay awake and think about every decision we made today.
I'm on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle.
Me watching Olympics: Woah! That was outstanding! Announcer: Another devastating mistake.
The only running I do is to chase the ice cream truck.
I'm not a morning person. I'm not even an afternoon person. I pretty much start functioning after 6pm.
I wish the homes of all my friends were connected to mine by secret underground tunnels.
Bathroom sign above toilet: It's like basketball, the basket is bigger than the ball! Learn to score properly!
Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on a beach drinking margaritas.
Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food.
I wish my wallet came with free refills.
I've always wanted to turn around in an executive chair and say "I've been expecting you."
Friends are like walls, sometimes you lean on them and sometimes it's good just knowing they're there.
Life status: Currently holding it all together with one bobby pin.
Just because it's called makeup, it doesn't mean it should make up 100% of your face.
Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place... the fridge.
I like my coffee so strong that it wakes up the neighbors.
Every morning I do 10 sit-ups, to hit the snooze button on my alarm clock.
Give me your photo so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas.
I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we're having cake.
Never forget those who helped you along the way... Google, Wikipedia and Dictionary.
Stop! You're under arrest for being too sexy. Your sentence is an eternity inside my heart.
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