Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. - Anonymous

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

Is it good if a vacuum really sucks? - Anonymous

Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

I love it when strangers smile at me and I smile back, and we have that nice stranger smiling moment. - Anonymous

I love it when strangers smile at me and I smile back, and we have that nice stranger smiling moment.

Those who think they know it all are very annoying to those of us who actually do. - Anonymous

Those who think they know it all are very annoying to those of us who actually do.

Laughing is one of the best exercises, it's like running inside your mind. You can do it almost anywhere and it's even better with a friend.

Laughing is one of the best exercises, it's like running inside your mind. You can do it almost anywhere and it's even better with a friend.

Bought a talking parrot today and taught him to say Help, I've been turned into a parrot.

Bought a talking parrot today and taught him to say "Help, I've been turned into a parrot."

Animals

I'm so glad I learned about parallelograms instead of how to do taxes. It's ready handy this parallelogram season. - Anonymous

I'm so glad I learned about parallelograms instead of how to do taxes. It's ready handy this parallelogram season.

Math Quotes

After (M)onday and (T)uesday comes WTF ! - Anonymous

After (M)onday and (T)uesday comes WTF !

When I'm at work I can fall asleep instantly, but when I'm in my bed I can hardly fall asleep. - Anonymous

When I'm at work I can fall asleep instantly, but when I'm in my bed I can hardly fall asleep.

Every morning I do 10 sit-ups, to hit the snooze button on my alarm clock. - Anonymous

Every morning I do 10 sit-ups, to hit the snooze button on my alarm clock.

There's just one legitimate synonym for Friday: boom shakalaka. - Anonymous

There's just one legitimate synonym for Friday: boom shakalaka.

He grabbed her hand and held it tightly, and she thought, "he loves me!"

He grabbed her hand and held it tightly, and she thought, "he loves me!" And he thought, "wow this sidewalk is icy!"

I don't work on weekends, or any other day that ends with "Y".

I don't work on weekends, or any other day that ends with "Y".

Relax, it's the weekend... just don't blink or it will be all over. - Anonymous

Relax, it's the weekend... just don't blink or it will be all over.

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? - Anonymous

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

After a while, I eventually fell in love and there was nobody to pick me up.

After a while, I eventually fell in love and there was nobody to pick me up.

I would cry but my makeup is too expensive. - Anonymous

I would cry but my makeup is too expensive.

Short Quotes

Yes of course I am athletic... I surf the Internet every day. - Anonymous

Yes of course I am athletic... I surf the Internet every day.

I'm not lazy, I'm on power saving mode. - Anonymous

I'm not lazy, I'm on power saving mode.

What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours?

What did the dog say after walking in the desert for hours? If I don't find a tree soon I'm gonna pee on myself.

Every time we try to eat healthy along comes Christmas, Easter, summer, Friday, or Tuesday and ruins it for us. - Anonymous

Every time we try to eat healthy along comes Christmas, Easter, summer, Friday, or Tuesday and ruins it for us.

Eat Quotes

For you, I would swim across the ocean. LOL, just kidding, there are sharks in there. - Anonymous

For you, I would swim across the ocean. LOL, just kidding, there are sharks in there.

I'm not frowning, I'm just smiling upside down.

I'm not frowning, I'm just smiling upside down.

A text message can lead to a date, which can lead to a kiss, and a wonderful night together. Will you text me? - Anonymous

A text message can lead to a date, which can lead to a kiss, and a wonderful night together. Will you text me?

Love Quotes

I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous. - Anonymous

I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.