Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Today I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym. - Anonymous

Today I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym.

Exercise Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

I hate when I go to the kitchen looking for food, and I find is ingredients. - Anonymous

I hate when I go to the kitchen looking for food, and I find is ingredients.

Eat Quotes Short Quotes

People say I act like I don't care. It's not an act. - Anonymous

People say I act like I don't care. It's not an act.

People Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

Me: We need to fall asleep. Brain: No, let's stay awake and think about every decision we made today. - Anonymous

Me: We need to fall asleep. Brain: No, let's stay awake and think about every decision we made today.

Life Quotes Sleep Quotes Think Quotes

I'm on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle. - Anonymous

I'm on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle.

Eat Quotes Life Quotes

Me watching Olympics: Woah! That was outstanding! Announcer: Another devastating mistake.

Exercise Quotes TV Quotes

The only running I do is to chase the ice cream truck. - Anonymous

The only running I do is to chase the ice cream truck.

I'm not a morning person. I'm not even an afternoon person. I pretty much start functioning after 6pm. - Anonymous

I'm not a morning person. I'm not even an afternoon person. I pretty much start functioning after 6pm.

Lazy Quotes Top 100

I wish the homes of all my friends were connected to mine by secret underground tunnels. - Anonymous

I wish the homes of all my friends were connected to mine by secret underground tunnels.

Bathroom sign above toilet: It's like basketball, the basket is bigger than the ball! Learn to score properly!

Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on a beach drinking margaritas. - Anonymous

Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on a beach drinking margaritas.

Drinking Life Quotes

Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food. - Anonymous

Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food.

Eat Quotes Friend Quotes Short Quotes

I wish my wallet came with free refills. - Anonymous

I wish my wallet came with free refills.

Money Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

I've always wanted to turn around in an executive chair and say "I've been expecting you." - Anonymous

I've always wanted to turn around in an executive chair and say "I've been expecting you."

Statements Work Quotes

Friends are like walls, sometimes you lean on them and sometimes it's good just knowing they're there. - Anonymous

Friends are like walls, sometimes you lean on them and sometimes it's good just knowing they're there.

Friend Quotes Good Quotes Know Quotes

Life status: Currently holding it all together with one bobby pin. - Anonymous

Life status: Currently holding it all together with one bobby pin.

Life Quotes Short Quotes

Just because it's called makeup, it doesn't mean it should make up 100% of your face. - Anonymous

Just because it's called makeup, it doesn't mean it should make up 100% of your face.

Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place... the fridge. - Anonymous

Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place... the fridge.

Eat Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

I like my coffee so strong that it wakes up the neighbors. - Anonymous

I like my coffee so strong that it wakes up the neighbors.

Life Quotes Short Quotes

Every morning I do 10 sit-ups, to hit the snooze button on my alarm clock. - Anonymous

Every morning I do 10 sit-ups, to hit the snooze button on my alarm clock.

Exercise Quotes Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas.

Give me your photo so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas.

Love Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we're having cake. - Anonymous

I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we're having cake.

Eat Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

Never forget those who helped you along the way... Google, Wikipedia and Dictionary.

Stop! You're under arrest for being too sexy. Your sentence is an eternity inside my heart. - Anonymous

Stop! You're under arrest for being too sexy. Your sentence is an eternity inside my heart.

Love Quotes Marriage Quotes