Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money! - Anonymous

I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!

I can't wait for that to never happen. - Anonymous

I can't wait for that to never happen.

In America, it is not important how much an item costs, it's more important how much you can save when you buy it.

In America, it is not important how much an item costs, it's more important how much you can save when you buy it.

I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I'm hilarious. - Anonymous

I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I'm hilarious.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

I lost control. Offering reward to anyone who finds it.

I lost control. Offering reward to anyone who finds it.

I like to live life dangerously by occasionally sticking my foot out over the edge of the bed at night. - Anonymous

I like to live life dangerously by occasionally sticking my foot out over the edge of the bed at night.

Life Quotes

I'd take a nerf bullet for you. - Anonymous

I'd take a nerf bullet for you.

Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter... people the opposite. - Anonymous

Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter... people the opposite.

The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television.

The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television.

Dear life, I understand very clearly that you are not fair so you can stop teaching me that lesson. - Anonymous

Dear life, I understand very clearly that you are not fair so you can stop teaching me that lesson.

Life Quotes

Stop saying "B4" instead of "Before," you're ruining my Bingo game.

Stop saying "B4" instead of "Before," you're ruining my Bingo game.

If there's no love in the world,... let's make some.

If there's no love in the world,... let's make some.

Ironing boards are surf boards that quit before achieving their dream. Don't be an ironing board. - Anonymous

Ironing boards are surf boards that quit before achieving their dream. Don't be an ironing board.

Life Quotes

Sometimes I get road rage just pushing a shopping cart in a supermarket. - Anonymous

Sometimes I get road rage just pushing a shopping cart in a supermarket.

Every time I have my picture taken I get hungry because I hear 'cheese' so I
start to think of a nice cheese sandwich. - Anonymous

Every time I have my picture taken I get hungry because I hear 'cheese' so I start to think of a nice cheese sandwich.

Cupcakes

If you know how many cupcakes I'm holding behind my back I'll give you both of them.

Why shouldn't you ever iron a four leaf clover? You don't want to press your luck.

Questions

I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes. - Anonymous

I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes.

In a room full of art, I'd still stare at you. - Anonymous

In a room full of art, I'd still stare at you.

I didn't mean to gain weight, it just happened by snackcident. - Anonymous

I didn't mean to gain weight, it just happened by snackcident.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest. - Anonymous

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I know how to live my life to the fullest.. but let's speak later after I finish playing some computer games.

I know how to live my life to the fullest.. but let's speak later after I finish playing some computer games.

I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow. - Anonymous

I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow.

You know the potholes on a road are bad when they assign lifeguards to them, in case anybody falls inside. - Anonymous

You know the potholes on a road are bad when they assign lifeguards to them, in case anybody falls inside.