Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

An expert is a person who has made every possible mistake in a small field of study.

An expert is a person who has made every possible mistake in a small field of study.

Another fine day ruined by responsibilities... - Anonymous

Another fine day ruined by responsibilities...

Life Quotes Short Quotes

I like my coffee so strong that it wakes up the neighbors. - Anonymous

I like my coffee so strong that it wakes up the neighbors.

Life Quotes Short Quotes

I need a timeout. Send me to the beach and don't let me come back until I change my attitude. - Anonymous

I need a timeout. Send me to the beach and don't let me come back until I change my attitude.

I am too lazy to be lazy.

I am too lazy to be lazy.

Lazy Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

Minimum wage is like work enthusiasm, it disappears quickly. - Anonymous

Minimum wage is like work enthusiasm, it disappears quickly.

Money Quotes Short Quotes Work Quotes

I don't go crazy, I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time. - Anonymous

I don't go crazy, I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.

Short Quotes Statements Time Quotes

In my house dirty dishes are like rabbits, they keep multiplying.

In my house dirty dishes are like rabbits, they keep multiplying.

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

If you can't find your better half, try finding your better two quarters. - Anonymous

If you can't find your better half, try finding your better two quarters.

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes Top 100

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest. - Anonymous

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Short Quotes Wise Quotes

Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. - Anonymous

Home: Where I can look ugly and not care.

Life Quotes Short Quotes

Out of my mind! Back in five minutes.

Out of my mind! Back in five minutes.

Sayings Short Quotes

I might get a job cleaning mirrors. It's definitely a job I can see myself doing.

Ladies and gentlemen thank you for flying xyz airlines, we hope you enjoyed your flight as much as we enjoyed taking your money. Please remember to take all your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among crew members. - Anonymous

Ladies and gentlemen thank you for flying xyz airlines, we hope you enjoyed your flight as much as we enjoyed taking your money. Please remember to take all your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among crew members.

Moments Money Quotes

We are going to be best friends forever... besides you already know too much. - Anonymous

We are going to be best friends forever... besides you already know too much.

Friend Quotes Know Quotes Short Quotes

You just can't live a full life on an empty stomach. - Anonymous

You just can't live a full life on an empty stomach.

Eat Quotes Life Quotes Short Quotes

You and I are really more than friends. We're like a really small gang. - Anonymous

You and I are really more than friends. We're like a really small gang.

Friend Quotes Short Quotes

I get enough exercise just by pushing my luck!

I get enough exercise just by pushing my luck!

Exercise Quotes Short Quotes Statements

Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing! - Anonymous

Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing!

Love Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

Always be yourself, unless you can be a unicorn. Then always be a unicorn. - Anonymous

Always be yourself, unless you can be a unicorn. Then always be a unicorn.

People Quotes Short Quotes

Dear life, I understand very clearly that you are not fair so you can stop teaching me that lesson. - Anonymous

Dear life, I understand very clearly that you are not fair so you can stop teaching me that lesson.

I can make the doorbell ring any time I want, all I have to do is go to the bathroom. - Anonymous

I can make the doorbell ring any time I want, all I have to do is go to the bathroom.

Life Quotes Time Quotes

I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at the floor, and think "I'd tap that." - Anonymous

I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at the floor, and think "I'd tap that."

To a dog, a fire hydrant under maintenance is like a bathroom that's out of service.

To a dog, a fire hydrant under maintenance is like a bathroom that's out of service.

Animals Dog Quotes

There's something missing in my life, I just don't know if it's a puppy, a person, or a slice of pizza. - Anonymous

There's something missing in my life, I just don't know if it's a puppy, a person, or a slice of pizza.

Know Quotes Life Quotes People Quotes