A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
An expert is a person who has made every possible mistake in a small field of study.
Another fine day ruined by responsibilities...
I like my coffee so strong that it wakes up the neighbors.
I need a timeout. Send me to the beach and don't let me come back until I change my attitude.
I am too lazy to be lazy.
Minimum wage is like work enthusiasm, it disappears quickly.
I don't go crazy, I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.
In my house dirty dishes are like rabbits, they keep multiplying.
If you can't find your better half, try finding your better two quarters.
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
Home: Where I can look ugly and not care.
Out of my mind! Back in five minutes.
I might get a job cleaning mirrors. It's definitely a job I can see myself doing.
Ladies and gentlemen thank you for flying xyz airlines, we hope you enjoyed your flight as much as we enjoyed taking your money. Please remember to take all your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among crew members.
We are going to be best friends forever... besides you already know too much.
You just can't live a full life on an empty stomach.
You and I are really more than friends. We're like a really small gang.
I get enough exercise just by pushing my luck!
Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing!
Always be yourself, unless you can be a unicorn. Then always be a unicorn.
Dear life, I understand very clearly that you are not fair so you can stop teaching me that lesson.
I can make the doorbell ring any time I want, all I have to do is go to the bathroom.
I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at the floor, and think "I'd tap that."
To a dog, a fire hydrant under maintenance is like a bathroom that's out of service.
There's something missing in my life, I just don't know if it's a puppy, a person, or a slice of pizza.
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