Anonymous Funny Quotes

Home / Authors / Anonymous / Page 33

A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Out of my mind! Back in five minutes.

Out of my mind! Back in five minutes.

Ladies and gentlemen thank you for flying xyz airlines, we hope you enjoyed your flight as much as we enjoyed taking your money. Please remember to take all your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among crew members. - Anonymous

Ladies and gentlemen thank you for flying xyz airlines, we hope you enjoyed your flight as much as we enjoyed taking your money. Please remember to take all your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among crew members.

Another fine day ruined by responsibilities... - Anonymous

Another fine day ruined by responsibilities...

I am too lazy to be lazy.

I am too lazy to be lazy.

We are going to be best friends forever... besides you already know too much. - Anonymous

We are going to be best friends forever... besides you already know too much.

I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off. - Anonymous

I walk around like everything is fine, but deep down inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.

You and I are really more than friends. We're like a really small gang. - Anonymous

You and I are really more than friends. We're like a really small gang.

Life's biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I don't want to get out of bed. - Anonymous

Life's biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I don't want to get out of bed.

I get enough exercise just by pushing my luck!

I get enough exercise just by pushing my luck!

Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing! - Anonymous

Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing!

Dear life, I understand very clearly that you are not fair so you can stop teaching me that lesson. - Anonymous

Dear life, I understand very clearly that you are not fair so you can stop teaching me that lesson.

Life Quotes

I can make the doorbell ring any time I want, all I have to do is go to the bathroom. - Anonymous

I can make the doorbell ring any time I want, all I have to do is go to the bathroom.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest. - Anonymous

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

You just can't live a full life on an empty stomach. - Anonymous

You just can't live a full life on an empty stomach.

You don't have to be crazy to hang out with me... I'll train you. - Anonymous

You don't have to be crazy to hang out with me... I'll train you.

What great energy, intelligence, and magnificent beautiful eyes...

What great energy, intelligence, and magnificent beautiful eyes... But enough about me, how are you doing?

People Quotes

Minimum wage is like work enthusiasm, it disappears quickly. - Anonymous

Minimum wage is like work enthusiasm, it disappears quickly.

To a dog, a fire hydrant under maintenance is like a bathroom that's out of service.

To a dog, a fire hydrant under maintenance is like a bathroom that's out of service.

I might get a job cleaning mirrors. It's definitely a job I can see myself doing.

Work Quotes

Intelligence is chasing me, but I'm beating it so far. - Anonymous

Intelligence is chasing me, but I'm beating it so far.

Fortune cookie: You'll have a better fortune in the next cookie.

Fortune cookie: You'll have a better fortune in the next cookie.

Want to hear a construction joke? Sorry, I'm still working on it. - Anonymous

Want to hear a construction joke? Sorry, I'm still working on it.

You know you're an adult when you get excited about a new cleaning sponge at the kitchen sink. - Anonymous

You know you're an adult when you get excited about a new cleaning sponge at the kitchen sink.

Just because I can't sing doesn't mean that I won't sing. - Anonymous

Just because I can't sing doesn't mean that I won't sing.

Always be yourself, unless you can be a unicorn. Then always be a unicorn. - Anonymous

Always be yourself, unless you can be a unicorn. Then always be a unicorn.