Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

A misty day does not signify a cloudy day, it signifies frizzy hair.

A misty day does not signify a cloudy day, it signifies frizzy hair. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes Statements

I think I may need professional help... A chef, a butler and a maid should be enough. Anonymous

Sayings Think Quotes

Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training? Anonymous

Exercise Quotes Short Quotes

That moment you're thankful for Coronavirus social distancing rules because you just ate some garlic. Anonymous

Never ask a starfish for directions. - Anonymous

Never ask a starfish for directions. Anonymous

Never Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

I'm not weird, I'm just limited edition. - Anonymous

I'm not weird, I'm just limited edition. Anonymous

People Quotes Short Quotes

I lost control. Offering reward to anyone who finds it.

I lost control. Offering reward to anyone who finds it. Anonymous

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

Beer together

Let's have a beer together, you can open it and I will drink it. Anonymous

Beer Quotes Drinking Moments

Sorry I can't come today. My sister's friend's mother's grandpa's brother's grandson's uncle's fish died, and it was tragic. - Anonymous

Sorry I can't come today. My sister's friend's mother's grandpa's brother's grandson's uncle's fish died, and it was tragic. Anonymous

Don't worry, the spider is smaller than you. "Yeah. So is a grenade." - Anonymous

Don't worry, the spider is smaller than you. "Yeah. So is a grenade." Anonymous

Animals Short Quotes

One of the benefits of being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas, no make-up, and look like crap and I won't judge you. Anonymous

True friends don't judge each other, they judge other people... together. - Anonymous

True friends don't judge each other, they judge other people... together. Anonymous

Friend Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

If Monday had a face... I would punch it. - Anonymous

If Monday had a face... I would punch it. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes Work Quotes

How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How does the confused dog bark? Wutf? Wutf?
Anonymous

Animals Dog Quotes Questions

Relax, it's the weekend... just don't blink or it will be all over. - Anonymous

Relax, it's the weekend... just don't blink or it will be all over. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes

A true friend is someone who thinks you're a good egg, even though they know you're slightly cracked. - Anonymous

A true friend is someone who thinks you're a good egg, even though they know you're slightly cracked. Anonymous

Friend Quotes Good Quotes Top 100

Everyone is posting their vacation pictures and I'm like... I went to the grocery store. - Anonymous

Everyone is posting their vacation pictures and I'm like... I went to the grocery store. Anonymous

Isn't it funny that the number 2 pencil is the most popular? - Anonymous

Isn't it funny that the number 2 pencil is the most popular? Anonymous

Questions Short Quotes

If you know something will go wrong and you do everything to stop it from happening, then something else will go wrong. - Anonymous

If you know something will go wrong and you do everything to stop it from happening, then something else will go wrong. Anonymous

I'm a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once. - Anonymous

I'm a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once. Anonymous

Lazy Quotes Short Quotes

I just got off a flight that crossed through five time zones. Does that make me a time traveler? - Anonymous

I just got off a flight that crossed through five time zones. Does that make me a time traveler? Anonymous

Questions Time Quotes

I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous. - Anonymous

I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Short Quotes

You know you're a mom when you understand why mama bear's porridge was cold. - Anonymous

You know you're a mom when you understand why mama bear's porridge was cold. Anonymous

Know Quotes Life Quotes Short Quotes

You can't please everyone, you're not a Nutella jar. - Anonymous

You can't please everyone, you're not a Nutella jar. Anonymous

People Quotes Short Quotes