Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

I know my limits. I don't always obey them, but I know them. - Anonymous

I know my limits. I don't always obey them, but I know them.

An expert is a person who has made every possible mistake in a small field of study.

An expert is a person who has made every possible mistake in a small field of study.

People Quotes

Finding a treasure is like working on algebra equations, all you have to do is find the X. - Anonymous

Finding a treasure is like working on algebra equations, all you have to do is find the X.

Wise Quotes

I'm on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle. - Anonymous

I'm on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle.

I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we're having cake.

I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we're having cake.

I need a timeout. Send me to the beach and don't let me come back until I change my attitude. - Anonymous

I need a timeout. Send me to the beach and don't let me come back until I change my attitude.

Life Quotes

Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'? - Anonymous

Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'?

Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive. - Anonymous

Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.

Ever since it started snowing my husband is standing in front of the window and watching.

Ever since it started snowing my husband is standing in front of the window and watching. If the snow gets much worse, I might let him inside the house.

Marriage Quotes

Facebook status: I'm not online, it's just an optical illusion.

Facebook status: I'm not online, it's just an optical illusion.

I don't go crazy, I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time. - Anonymous

I don't go crazy, I am crazy. I just go normal from time to time.

In my house dirty dishes are like rabbits, they keep multiplying.

In my house dirty dishes are like rabbits, they keep multiplying.

Don't worry, the spider is smaller than you. "Yeah. So is a grenade." - Anonymous

Don't worry, the spider is smaller than you. "Yeah. So is a grenade."

I can't wait for that to never happen. - Anonymous

I can't wait for that to never happen.

I love you forever... but I can't live that long.

I love you forever... but I can't live that long.

Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. - Anonymous

Home: Where I can look ugly and not care.

My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors. - Anonymous

My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors.

Out of my mind! Back in five minutes.

Out of my mind! Back in five minutes.

Ladies and gentlemen thank you for flying xyz airlines, we hope you enjoyed your flight as much as we enjoyed taking your money. Please remember to take all your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among crew members. - Anonymous

Ladies and gentlemen thank you for flying xyz airlines, we hope you enjoyed your flight as much as we enjoyed taking your money. Please remember to take all your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among crew members.

We are going to be best friends forever... besides you already know too much. - Anonymous

We are going to be best friends forever... besides you already know too much.

Why shouldn't you ever iron a four leaf clover? You don't want to press your luck.

Questions

In a room full of art, I'd still stare at you. - Anonymous

In a room full of art, I'd still stare at you.

I don't have a drinking problem, I have thirst problem.

I don't have a drinking problem, I have thirst problem.

Work is just something I'm doing until I win the lottery. - Anonymous

Work is just something I'm doing until I win the lottery.

You and I are really more than friends. We're like a really small gang. - Anonymous

You and I are really more than friends. We're like a really small gang.