Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

"Tomorrow is another day..." Oh sorry, I thought the world is ending today. - Anonymous

"Tomorrow is another day..." Oh sorry, I thought the world is ending today.

Anonymous

Newspaper Ad. For sale: Encyclopedia Britannica, complete set of 45 volumes. No longer needed due to getting married. My wife knows everything. $200 Or best offer. - Anonymous

Newspaper Ad. For sale: Encyclopedia Britannica, complete set of 45 volumes. No longer needed due to getting married. My wife knows everything. $200 Or best offer.

Anonymous

My wife told me the other day that I don't take her to expensive places any more, so I took her to the gas station. - Anonymous

My wife told me the other day that I don't take her to expensive places any more, so I took her to the gas station.

Anonymous

Stop texting me in the middle of texting you... now I have to change my text. - Anonymous

Stop texting me in the middle of texting you... now I have to change my text.

Anonymous

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I like my coffee so strong that it wakes up the neighbors. - Anonymous

I like my coffee so strong that it wakes up the neighbors.

Anonymous

Pros and cons for making food: Pro: Food. Con: Making.

Pros and cons for making food: Pro: Food. Con: Making.

Anonymous

I know that Einstein's theory of relativity is correct because every weekend goes by twice as fast as normal. - Anonymous

I know that Einstein's theory of relativity is correct because every weekend goes by twice as fast as normal.

Anonymous

Cursing after hitting oneself can reduce the pain by up to 50%. - Anonymous

Cursing after hitting oneself can reduce the pain by up to 50%.

Anonymous

What's best way to build upper arm strength? Take lots of selfies.

What's best way to build upper arm strength? Take lots of selfies.

Anonymous

I'm not always annoying, sometimes I sleep too. - Anonymous

I'm not always annoying, sometimes I sleep too.

Anonymous

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Think of a number between 1 and 10. Multiply it by 9 and subtract 1. Now close your eyes. It's dark isn't it? - Anonymous

Think of a number between 1 and 10. Multiply it by 9 and subtract 1. Now close your eyes. It's dark isn't it?

Anonymous

Life status: Currently holding it all together with one bobby pin. - Anonymous

Life status: Currently holding it all together with one bobby pin.

Anonymous

A fisherman who just caught a huge salmon reels the fish in, looks at the fish and says 'I am taking you for tonight's dinner!' The fish replies 'I already ate, can we go somewhere else?'

Anonymous

Isn't it funny how red white and blue represent freedom, unless they're flashing behind you? - Anonymous

Isn't it funny how red white and blue represent freedom, unless they're flashing behind you?

Anonymous

The chains on my mood swing just snapped. Run! - Anonymous

The chains on my mood swing just snapped. Run!

Anonymous

I wake up looking better every day, but today I'm exaggerating. - Anonymous

I wake up looking better every day, but today I'm exaggerating.

Anonymous

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I'd have to do. - Anonymous

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I'd have to do.

Anonymous

I hate when people ask me what I'm doing tomorrow, I don't even know what I'm doing today. - Anonymous

I hate when people ask me what I'm doing tomorrow, I don't even know what I'm doing today.

Anonymous

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