Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

For the best seat in the house, you'll have to move the dog.

For the best seat in the house, you'll have to move the dog. Anonymous

Animals Dog Quotes Short Quotes

I don't need a fancy watch to tell me I'm not fit one bit. - Anonymous

I don't need a fancy watch to tell me I'm not fit one bit. Anonymous

Exercise Quotes Short Quotes

Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas.

Give me your photo so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas. Anonymous

Love Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

Ever since it started snowing my husband is standing in front of the window and watching.

Ever since it started snowing my husband is standing in front of the window and watching. If the snow gets much worse, I might let him inside the house. Anonymous

Marriage Quotes

Lazy Rule: Can't reach it, don't need it. - Anonymous

Lazy Rule: Can't reach it, don't need it. Anonymous

Lazy Quotes Short Quotes

You call it nagging, I call it 'listen to what I said the first time!' - Anonymous

You call it nagging, I call it 'listen to what I said the first time!' Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes Time Quotes

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't like the thought of being gone so long!

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't like the thought of being gone so long! Anonymous

Life Quotes Short Quotes

I'm not frowning, I'm just smiling upside down.

I'm not frowning, I'm just smiling upside down. Anonymous

Life Quotes Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

Never trust someone who takes hours to text you back, but when you hang out with them they check their phone every minute. - Anonymous

Never trust someone who takes hours to text you back, but when you hang out with them they check their phone every minute. Anonymous

Never Quotes People Quotes Phone

I am too lazy to be lazy.

I am too lazy to be lazy. Anonymous

Lazy Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

I only want one thing from fake people: distance. - Anonymous

I only want one thing from fake people: distance. Anonymous

People Quotes Short Quotes

My new year resolutions: 1. Stop procrastinating so much. 2. I'll post the rest tomorrow or whenever. - Anonymous

My new year resolutions: 1. Stop procrastinating so much. 2. I'll post the rest tomorrow or whenever. Anonymous

Sorry I'm late, I got here as soon as I wanted to. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes

Online shopping gives me a reason to live for another 3-5 business days. Anonymous

I always knew I'd get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though. - Anonymous

I always knew I'd get old. How fast it happened was a bit of a surprise though. Anonymous

Short Quotes Top 100 Witty Quotes

Never ask a starfish for directions. - Anonymous

Never ask a starfish for directions. Anonymous

Never Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

I don't know what's tighter, our jeans or our friendship. - Anonymous

I don't know what's tighter, our jeans or our friendship. Anonymous

Friend Quotes Know Quotes Short Quotes

Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you. - Anonymous

Best friends: they know how crazy you are but still choose to be seen in public with you. Anonymous

Friend Quotes Top 100

Life is too short to remove USB safely. - Anonymous

Life is too short to remove USB safely. Anonymous

Computers Life Quotes Short Quotes

The older I get, the less surprised I'd be if a random body part just fell off one day. - Anonymous

The older I get, the less surprised I'd be if a random body part just fell off one day. Anonymous

I used to think I was indecisive, but I'm not too sure any more. - Anonymous

I used to think I was indecisive, but I'm not too sure any more. Anonymous

Short Quotes Think Quotes

He who wakes up early, yawns all day long.

He who wakes up early, yawns all day long. Anonymous

Sayings Short Quotes Statements

If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 years, you can believe in yourself for 5 minutes. Anonymous

I'm so sorry about what I said when I was hungry.

I'm so sorry about what I said when I was hungry. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Moments Short Quotes