A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
Don't worry, better days are coming. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
I wish that all of my enemies had three cars parked in front of their house. An ambulance, fire truck and police car.
I drank so much Vodka last night that this morning I woke up with a Russian accent.
If you can't find your better half, try finding your better two quarters.
If you eat in the kitchen, your room is always clean, and you go to sleep at 9 o'clock, it means you don't have Internet!!
That moment when you spell a word so wrong, even auto-correct is like "I've got nothing man."
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on a beach drinking margaritas.
My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 97 years old and we have no clue where he is.
Today is one of those days that even my coffee needs a coffee.
I am on a 20 day diet, so far I've lost 10 days.
Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible?
I'll call it a smartphone when I yell "Where's my phone?" and it yells back "Down here in the couch cushions!"
My boss asked me where I see myself in 5 years. I told him if his hair keeps falling out, I'll see myself in his bald spot.
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
In the morning I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the evening I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the night I can't sleep.. I'm so hungry!
True friends don't judge each other, they judge other people... together.
I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.
Chocolate doesn't ask silly questions, chocolate understands.
Not to brag but I don't even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
Why must I prove that I am me when I pay bills over the phone? Did some else call to pay my bills, and if they did, why don't you let them?
You can trust your dog to guard your house but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich.
If Monday had a face... I would punch it.
I'm just going to flip this omelette... Okay, we're having scrambled eggs.
I'm not running away from hard work, I'm too lazy to run.
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