Anonymous Funny Quotes

Home / Authors / Anonymous / Page 25

A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Don't worry, better days are coming. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday. - Anonymous

Don't worry, better days are coming. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

I wish that all of my enemies had three cars parked in front of their house. An ambulance, fire truck and police car. - Anonymous

I wish that all of my enemies had three cars parked in front of their house. An ambulance, fire truck and police car.

I drank so much Vodka last night that this morning I woke up with a Russian accent. - Anonymous

I drank so much Vodka last night that this morning I woke up with a Russian accent.

Drinking Statements

If you can't find your better half, try finding your better two quarters. - Anonymous

If you can't find your better half, try finding your better two quarters.

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes Top 100

If you eat in the kitchen, your room is always clean...

If you eat in the kitchen, your room is always clean, and you go to sleep at 9 o'clock, it means you don't have Internet!!

Eat Quotes Internet

That moment when you spell a word so wrong, even auto-correct is like "I've got nothing man." - Anonymous

That moment when you spell a word so wrong, even auto-correct is like "I've got nothing man."

Man Quotes Moments

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? - Anonymous

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

Love Quotes Questions Short Quotes

Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on a beach drinking margaritas. - Anonymous

Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on a beach drinking margaritas.

Drinking Life Quotes

My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 97 years old and we have no clue where he is. - Anonymous

My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 97 years old and we have no clue where he is.

Exercise Quotes Life Quotes

Today is one of those days that even my coffee needs a coffee. - Anonymous

Today is one of those days that even my coffee needs a coffee.

Short Quotes Work Quotes

I am on a 20 day diet, so far I've lost 10 days.

I am on a 20 day diet, so far I've lost 10 days.

Eat Quotes Exercise Quotes Short Quotes

Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? - Anonymous

Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible?

Questions Short Quotes Sleep Quotes

I'll call it a smartphone when I yell "Where's my phone?" and it yells back "Down here in the couch cushions!" - Anonymous

I'll call it a smartphone when I yell "Where's my phone?" and it yells back "Down here in the couch cushions!"

My boss asked me where I see myself in 5 years. I told him if his hair keeps falling out, I'll see myself in his bald spot. - Anonymous

My boss asked me where I see myself in 5 years. I told him if his hair keeps falling out, I'll see myself in his bald spot.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest. - Anonymous

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Short Quotes Wise Quotes

In the morning I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the evening I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the night I can't sleep.. I'm so hungry! - Anonymous

In the morning I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the evening I can't eat, I'm thinking of you. In the night I can't sleep.. I'm so hungry!

Eat Quotes Love Quotes Sayings

True friends don't judge each other, they judge other people... together. - Anonymous

True friends don't judge each other, they judge other people... together.

Friend Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money. - Anonymous

I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.

Money Quotes Short Quotes

Chocolate doesn't ask silly questions, chocolate understands. - Anonymous

Chocolate doesn't ask silly questions, chocolate understands.

Questions Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

Not to brag but I don't even need alcohol to make really bad decisions. - Anonymous

Not to brag but I don't even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.

Drinking Short Quotes

Why must I prove that I am me when I pay bills over the phone? Did some else call to pay my bills, and if they did, why don't you let them? - Anonymous

Why must I prove that I am me when I pay bills over the phone? Did some else call to pay my bills, and if they did, why don't you let them?

Life Quotes Money Quotes Phone

You can trust your dog to guard your house.

You can trust your dog to guard your house but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich.

Animals Dog Quotes Eat Quotes

If Monday had a face... I would punch it. - Anonymous

If Monday had a face... I would punch it.

Sayings Short Quotes Work Quotes

I'm just going to flip this omelette... Okay, we're having scrambled eggs. - Anonymous

I'm just going to flip this omelette... Okay, we're having scrambled eggs.

Eat Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

I'm not running away from hard work, I'm too lazy to run. - Anonymous

I'm not running away from hard work, I'm too lazy to run.

Exercise Quotes Lazy Quotes Short Quotes