A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
I haven't tried Yoga, but I bent over to pick up my keys off the floor.. so I'm sure I wouldn't like Yoga.
Finding a treasure is like working on algebra equations, all you have to do is find the X.
Math: the only place where you have to figure out the ratio of yellow candy to blue candy when all you're thinking about is eating them.
At the end of the day life should ask us "Are you sure you want to save the changes?"
I only want one thing from fake people: distance.
A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time when he actually gets the joke, and a third time when he realizes he was laughing without getting the joke at first.
When people tell me "You're going to regret that in the morning," I sleep in until noon because I'm a problem solver.
If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried.
Be bold, be italic, but never regular.
You laugh because I'm different...........
I laugh cause I just farted!
If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door.
A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by two minutes, and a day of work by seven to ten hours.
If you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
If a philosopher answers your question, you will no longer understand what you asked in the first place.
Alcohol kills brain cells slowly, but that never bothered me because I'm not in a hurry.
Men are like bank accounts.
Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
You don't have to be crazy to hang out with me... I'll train you.
The probability of meeting someone you know increases a hundredfold when you're with someone you're not supposed to be seen with.
An adult is a person who no longer grows in height, but instead grows in length and width.
I'm so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed.
My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them.
My advice is to never listen to any advice, not even this one.
Never trust someone who takes hours to text you back, but when you hang out with them they check their phone every minute.
If you can't laugh at your own problems, call me and I'll laugh at them.
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