Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

How come iPhone chargers are not called apple juice? - Anonymous

How come iPhone chargers are not called apple juice?

I had an extremely busy day, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. - Anonymous

I had an extremely busy day, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.

You know the speed of light; so what is the speed of dark?

If you don't cut the cake in pieces and just eat the whole cake, then you only had one piece. - Anonymous

If you don't cut the cake in pieces and just eat the whole cake, then you only had one piece.

Have some patience, I'm screwing things up as fast as possible.

Have some patience, I'm screwing things up as fast as possible.

You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. - Anonymous

You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here.

If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth. - Anonymous

If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth.

I was thinking of getting a German Shepherd once, but I didn't want to learn another language just to have a dog.

I was thinking of getting a German Shepherd once, but I didn't want to learn another language just to have a dog.

The secret of success is to go from mistake to mistake without losing your enthusiasm.

The secret of success is to go from mistake to mistake without losing your enthusiasm.

Life Quotes

I've made it from the bed to the couch. There's no stopping me now. - Anonymous

I've made it from the bed to the couch. There's no stopping me now.

I wish that all of my enemies had three cars parked in front of their house. An ambulance, fire truck and police car. - Anonymous

I wish that all of my enemies had three cars parked in front of their house. An ambulance, fire truck and police car.

Stupid Quotes

I was gonna take over the world today but I overslept. Postponed, again! - Anonymous

I was gonna take over the world today but I overslept. Postponed, again!

Do you have a band-aid, because I just scraped my knee falling in love with you. - Anonymous

Do you have a band-aid, because I just scraped my knee falling in love with you.

Love Quotes

I put the "Pro" in procrastinate. - Anonymous

I put the "Pro" in procrastinate.

A relationship with a best friend is like a sugarcane... You can crush it, shred it, grind it, squeeze it and it's still sweet. - Anonymous

A relationship with a best friend is like a sugarcane... You can crush it, shred it, grind it, squeeze it and it's still sweet.

Friend Quotes

I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot, sleep for a while, and then wake up beautiful. - Anonymous

I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot, sleep for a while, and then wake up beautiful.

Beer together

Let's have a beer together, you can open it and I will drink it.

Dear Diamond, we all know who is really a girl's best friend. Sincerely yours, Chocolate Cake. - Anonymous

Dear Diamond, we all know who is really a girl's best friend. Sincerely yours, Chocolate Cake.

Be bold, be italic, but never regular. - Anonymous

Be bold, be italic, but never regular.

You know what part I like about waking up early? None.. let me go back to sleep. - Anonymous

You know what part I like about waking up early? None.. let me go back to sleep.

Most of us don't realize it, but we're all part of something much bigger than ourselves, and we're all connected in some way, not just through Facebook. - Anonymous

Most of us don't realize it, but we're all part of something much bigger than ourselves, and we're all connected in some way, not just through Facebook.

On Mercury a day lasts 1,408 hours. Just like every Monday does on Earth. - Anonymous

On Mercury a day lasts 1,408 hours. Just like every Monday does on Earth.

Chocolate is great, it gives you energy which can be used to go buy more chocolate. - Anonymous

Chocolate is great, it gives you energy which can be used to go buy more chocolate.

Today is one of those days that even my coffee needs a coffee. - Anonymous

Today is one of those days that even my coffee needs a coffee.

Newspaper Ad. For sale: Encyclopedia Britannica, complete set of 45 volumes. No longer needed due to getting married. My wife knows everything. $200 Or best offer. - Anonymous

Newspaper Ad. For sale: Encyclopedia Britannica, complete set of 45 volumes. No longer needed due to getting married. My wife knows everything. $200 Or best offer.