Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

I haven't tried Yoga, but I bent over to pick up my keys off the floor.. so I'm sure I wouldn't like Yoga. - Anonymous

I haven't tried Yoga, but I bent over to pick up my keys off the floor.. so I'm sure I wouldn't like Yoga.

Finding a treasure is like working on algebra equations, all you have to do is find the X. - Anonymous

Finding a treasure is like working on algebra equations, all you have to do is find the X.

Math Quotes Wise Quotes

$Math: the only place where you have to figure out the ratio of yellow candy to blue candy when all you're thinking about is eating them. - Anonymous$

Math: the only place where you have to figure out the ratio of yellow candy to blue candy when all you're thinking about is eating them.

Eat Quotes Math Quotes Sayings

At the end of the day life should ask us "Are you sure you want to save the changes?" - Anonymous

At the end of the day life should ask us "Are you sure you want to save the changes?"

Life Quotes Questions

I only want one thing from fake people: distance. - Anonymous

I only want one thing from fake people: distance.

People Quotes Short Quotes

A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time when he actually gets the joke, and a third time when he realizes he was laughing without getting the joke at first. - Anonymous

A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time when he actually gets the joke, and a third time when he realizes he was laughing without getting the joke at first.

People Quotes Stupid Quotes Time Quotes

When people tell me "You're going to regret that in the morning," I sleep in until noon because I'm a problem solver. - Anonymous

When people tell me "You're going to regret that in the morning," I sleep in until noon because I'm a problem solver.

People Quotes Sayings Sleep Quotes

If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. - Anonymous

If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried.

Sayings Short Quotes Top 100

Be bold, be italic, but never regular. - Anonymous

Be bold, be italic, but never regular.

Life Quotes Never Quotes Short Quotes

You laugh because I'm different...........
I laugh cause I just farted! - Anonymous

You laugh because I'm different........... I laugh cause I just farted!

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door. - Anonymous

If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door.

Sayings Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by two minutes, and a day of work by seven to ten hours.

A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by two minutes, and a day of work by seven to ten hours.

Beer Quotes Drinking Life Quotes

If you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing? - Anonymous

If you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?

Questions Short Quotes

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

Animals Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

If a philosopher answers your question, you will no longer understand what you asked in the first place.

If a philosopher answers your question, you will no longer understand what you asked in the first place.

Questions Sayings Top 100

Alcohol kills brain cells slowly, but that never bothered me because I'm not in a hurry.

Alcohol kills brain cells slowly, but that never bothered me because I'm not in a hurry.

Drinking Never Quotes Stupid Quotes

Men are like bank accounts.<br/>
Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest. - Anonymous

Men are like bank accounts.
Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.

Analogies Money Quotes

You don't have to be crazy to hang out with me... I'll train you. - Anonymous

You don't have to be crazy to hang out with me... I'll train you.

Friend Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

The probability of meeting someone you know increases a hundredfold when you're with someone you're not supposed to be seen with.

The probability of meeting someone you know increases a hundredfold when you're with someone you're not supposed to be seen with.

Know Quotes Sayings

An adult is a person who no longer grows in height, but instead grows in length and width. - Anonymous

An adult is a person who no longer grows in height, but instead grows in length and width.

Sayings Top 100

I'm so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. - Anonymous

I'm so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed.

Good Quotes Life Quotes Short Quotes

My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them.

My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them.

Life Quotes Never Quotes Short Quotes

My advice is to never listen to any advice, not even this one. - Anonymous

My advice is to never listen to any advice, not even this one.

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes Wise Quotes

Never trust someone who takes hours to text you back, but when you hang out with them they check their phone every minute. - Anonymous

Never trust someone who takes hours to text you back, but when you hang out with them they check their phone every minute.

Never Quotes People Quotes Phone

If you can't laugh at your own problems, call me and I'll laugh at them. - Anonymous

If you can't laugh at your own problems, call me and I'll laugh at them.

Life Quotes People Quotes Phone