That moment you turn down the music while driving around looking for a street address, so you can see better.
The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
When is the longer way always better than the shorter one? When you're a taxi driver.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
Luckiness top moment: To get run over by an ambulance.
Ultimate lazy moment: Watching the sunrise on TV because you're too lazy to get up and watch it for real.
You know your driving is really terrible when your GPS says 'After 300 feet, stop and let me out!'
Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
Why didn't I use my turn signals? It's nobody's business where I'm going.
The traffic is so slow today that I read two books, ate lunch, dinner, replied to all my emails, and I still haven't got to work yet.
That moment when there's a spider on you, and you suddenly turn into a black belt karate master.
You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here.
A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off.
That moment when you spell a word so wrong, even auto-correct is like "I've got nothing man."
Sometimes I get road rage just pushing a shopping cart in a supermarket.
I love it when strangers smile at me and I smile back, and we have that nice stranger smiling moment.
That moment when you dip your cookie in milk for too long and it breaks off, then you wonder why bad things happen to good people.
That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you're shopping for something else because they just won't budge.
That moment the doorbell rings and you tip toe to the window pretending you're not home.
That awkward moment you can't understand what somebody is saying after they have repeated it about five times.
You know that moment when you get up in the morning, you're full of energy and you can't wait to get to work? Me neither!
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