Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Most of us don't realize it, but we're all part of something much bigger than ourselves, and we're all connected in some way, not just through Facebook. - Anonymous

Most of us don't realize it, but we're all part of something much bigger than ourselves, and we're all connected in some way, not just through Facebook.

A relationship with a best friend is like a sugarcane... You can crush it, shred it, grind it, squeeze it and it's still sweet. - Anonymous

A relationship with a best friend is like a sugarcane... You can crush it, shred it, grind it, squeeze it and it's still sweet.

Friend Quotes

I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot, sleep for a while, and then wake up beautiful. - Anonymous

I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot, sleep for a while, and then wake up beautiful.

Dear Diamond, we all know who is really a girl's best friend. Sincerely yours, Chocolate Cake. - Anonymous

Dear Diamond, we all know who is really a girl's best friend. Sincerely yours, Chocolate Cake.

Be bold, be italic, but never regular. - Anonymous

Be bold, be italic, but never regular.

You know what part I like about waking up early? None.. let me go back to sleep. - Anonymous

You know what part I like about waking up early? None.. let me go back to sleep.

On Mercury a day lasts 1,408 hours. Just like every Monday does on Earth. - Anonymous

On Mercury a day lasts 1,408 hours. Just like every Monday does on Earth.

Today is one of those days that even my coffee needs a coffee. - Anonymous

Today is one of those days that even my coffee needs a coffee.

Newspaper Ad. For sale: Encyclopedia Britannica, complete set of 45 volumes. No longer needed due to getting married. My wife knows everything. $200 Or best offer. - Anonymous

Newspaper Ad. For sale: Encyclopedia Britannica, complete set of 45 volumes. No longer needed due to getting married. My wife knows everything. $200 Or best offer.

I love my six pack so much, I protect is with a layer of fat. - Anonymous

I love my six pack so much, I protect is with a layer of fat.

If my life was an action movie, my boss would be the spy trying to sabotage my mission, and my mission would be going on Facebook. - Anonymous

If my life was an action movie, my boss would be the spy trying to sabotage my mission, and my mission would be going on Facebook.

Life is the dash between the birth date and the passed away date. - Anonymous

Life is the dash between the birth date and the passed away date.

The chains on my mood swing just snapped. Run! - Anonymous

The chains on my mood swing just snapped. Run!

Me: For the first time in life, things seem to be getting better.

Me: For the first time in life, things seem to be getting better. :)
Life: LOL, give me a second!

Of all my body parts my eyes get the most exercise, I do at least a thousand eye rolls every day. - Anonymous

Of all my body parts my eyes get the most exercise, I do at least a thousand eye rolls every day.

I looked into my wallet and it was empty, I looked through all my pockets and they were all empty.

I looked into my wallet and it was empty, I looked through all my pockets and they were all empty. Then I looked into my heart and I found you, and only then I figured out how rich I was.

I'm not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing. - Anonymous

I'm not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.

Marriage is like a hot bath, once you get used to it it's not so hot any more. - Anonymous

Marriage is like a hot bath, once you get used to it it's not so hot any more.

I'm not sure how long my body can handle this "getting out of bed early in the morning" nonsense. - Anonymous

I'm not sure how long my body can handle this "getting out of bed early in the morning" nonsense.

Work Quotes

If you had to choose between eating tacos every day or being skinny for life would you choose hard or soft tacos? - Anonymous

If you had to choose between eating tacos every day or being skinny for life would you choose hard or soft tacos?

An apple a day keeps anyone anyway, if you throw it hard enough. - Anonymous

An apple a day keeps anyone anyway, if you throw it hard enough.

I'm so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. - Anonymous

I'm so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed.

Actual meanings of various terms.

Actual meanings of various terms:
TEAM WORK: Having somebody else you can blame it on.
HARDWARE: The part of a computer you can kick when there are software problems.
IMPATIENT: Somebody who is waiting in a hurry.
INFLATION: Paying today's prices with last year's salary.

I miss the days when you could just push someone in the swimming pool without worrying about their cell phone. - Anonymous

I miss the days when you could just push someone in the swimming pool without worrying about their cell phone.

Got to work this morning and my boss told me 'have a good day', so I went home and had a great day!

Got to work this morning and my boss told me 'have a good day', so I went home and had a great day!