Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Newspaper Ad. For sale: Encyclopedia Britannica, complete set of 45 volumes. No longer needed due to getting married. My wife knows everything. $200 Or best offer. - Anonymous
Newspaper Ad. For sale: Encyclopedia Britannica, complete set of 45 volumes. No longer needed due to getting married. My wife knows everything. $200 Or best offer. Anonymous
Know Quotes Marriage Quotes Wife Quotes
Today I will live in the moment... unless that moment becomes unpleasant, in which case I'll take a nap. - Anonymous
Today I will live in the moment... unless that moment becomes unpleasant, in which case I'll take a nap. Anonymous
Lazy Quotes Moments
Officer: I had a feeling I'd catch someone speeding here. Driver: I know, that's why I came as fast as I could!
Officer: I had a feeling I'd catch someone speeding here. Driver: I know, that's why I came as fast as I could! Anonymous
Know Quotes Stupid Quotes
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The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com
The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well. Anonymous
Drinking
Asleep first
Those who snore always fall asleep first. Anonymous
People Quotes Sayings Short Quotes
I don't work on weekends, or any other day that ends with "Y".
I don't work on weekends, or any other day that ends with "Y". Anonymous
Lazy Quotes Short Quotes Top 100
I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. - Anonymous
I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better. Anonymous
Know Quotes Short Quotes Stupid Quotes
I don't think inside the box and I don't think outside the box... I don't even know where the box is. - Anonymous
I don't think inside the box and I don't think outside the box... I don't even know where the box is. Anonymous
Know Quotes Sayings Think Quotes
My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. - Anonymous
My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. Anonymous
Money Quotes Short Quotes Top 100
My wife told me the other day that I don't take her to expensive places any more, so I took her to the gas station. - Anonymous
My wife told me the other day that I don't take her to expensive places any more, so I took her to the gas station. Anonymous
Marriage Quotes Top 100 Wife Quotes
To make time fly, throw your watch out the window. - Anonymous
To make time fly, throw your watch out the window. Anonymous
Sayings Short Quotes Time Quotes
Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe. - Anonymous
Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe. Anonymous
Eat Quotes Exercise Quotes
They say money doesn't bring happiness, but everyone still wants to prove it.
They say money doesn't bring happiness, but everyone still wants to prove it for themselves. Anonymous
Happy Quotes Money Quotes
I know how to live my life to the fullest.. but let's speak later after I finish playing some computer games.
I know how to live my life to the fullest.. but let's speak later after I finish playing some computer games. Anonymous
Computers Life Quotes
Happy New Year! Here's to another year of binge eating, Facebook surfing, and Netflix marathons. Anonymous
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