A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you're shopping for something else because they just won't budge.
I might get a job cleaning mirrors. It's definitely a job I can see myself doing.
The chains on my mood swing just snapped. Run!
Me and my bed are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.
Due to intense brain fog all of my thoughts have been grounded until further notice.
There's life without Facebook and Internet? Really? Send me the link.
You're born free, then you're taxed to death.
Bathroom sign above toilet: It's like basketball, the basket is bigger than the ball! Learn to score properly!
I would go out of my mind, but I can't find the exit.
How do you make your cell phone smarter? Turn up the brightness.
My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it.
Me: I am so glad I saved all this money. Me again: It's time to spend it, you know you want to.
Sure, I do marathons. On Netflix.
As your best friend I'll always pick you up when you fall, after I finish laughing.
I'm off to club bed, featuring DJ Pillow and MC Blanky.
Life status: Currently holding it all together with one bobby pin.
I don't need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.
I already want to take a nap tomorrow.
You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here.
Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
I always say "morning" instead of "good morning", because if it was a good morning, I'd still be asleep.
You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.
I hate when people ask me what I'm doing tomorrow, I don't even know what I'm doing today.
I looked into my wallet and it was empty, I looked through all my pockets and they were all empty. Then I looked into my heart and I found you, and only then I figured out how rich I was.
I didn't like my beard at first... then it grew on me.
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