A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
When my boss told me this is the fifth time I'm late, I smiled and thought to myself, it's Friday!!
I don't have the time or crayons to explain myself to you.
Age only matters if you are a cheese.
Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn't contain any calories.
You have never experienced true fear until a poster falls off the wall in the middle of the night.
To make a mistake is human, but to blame it on someone else, that's even more human.
Friends are like rainbows, always there to cheer you up after a storm.
They say "don't try this at home" so I'm coming over to your house to try it.
Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday?
If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot.
If you think patience is a virtue, try surfing the net without high speed Internet.
That awkward moment you can't understand what somebody is saying after they have repeated it about five times.
Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.
You know what's funny? Lots of things, so lighten up!
My imaginary friend thinks he has problems.
Officer: I had a feeling I'd catch someone speeding here. Driver: I know, that's why I came as fast as I could!
My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch... I call it lunch.
You're riding a horse full speed, and there's a giraffe on your left and a lion chasing you from behind, so what do you do? Get off the carousel!
Tell your boss what you really think about him, and the truth shall set you free, from your job.
Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up.
A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by two minutes, and a day of work by seven to ten hours.
Sometimes I can't tell if I'm in preschool or school... Oh wait, I'm at work.
That moment when you dip your cookie in milk for too long and it breaks off, then you wonder why bad things happen to good people.
Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along.
Birthdays are nature's way of feeding us cake.
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