A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch... I call it lunch.
Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up.
A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by two minutes, and a day of work by seven to ten hours.
I hate mosquitoes. I mean, I know I am delicious, but I don't give out free samples.
Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along.
I may not know Karate, but I know crazy and I'm not afraid to use it.
Birthdays are nature's way of feeding us cake.
What animal can jump higher than a house? Any animal that can jump at all, because houses can't jump.
I'm a Victoria's Secret model. It's such a secret, not even Victoria knows.
Alcohol kills brain cells slowly, but that never bothered me because I'm not in a hurry.
Sometimes I can't tell if I'm in preschool or school... Oh wait, I'm at work.
Did a cartwheel the other day, thinking it was like riding a bike. It's not.
Some relationships are like Tom and Jerry, they argue and disagree all the time, but they still can't live without each other.
Retirement is when you stop living at work, and start working at living.
Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring so I go back to being myself.
Not to brag but I don't even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
Marriage is like a walk in the park... Jurrasic Park.
I always say "morning" instead of "good morning", because if it was a good morning, I'd still be asleep.
I don't like morning people... or mornings, or people.
In Math class we learned more about algebra today, such as X+10=Y should I care?
I am so broke, I can't even afford to fill up my bicycle.
It's really complicated to make something simple, but very simple to make something something complicated.
Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years.... then we met.
Some people walk into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts. Others walk into our lives and we want to leave footprints on their face!
That moment when you dip your cookie in milk for too long and it breaks off, then you wonder why bad things happen to good people.
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