A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
I thought about losing weight once, but I don't like losing.
I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I'm gonna need everybody to stop living here.
That moment when you spell a word so wrong, even auto-correct is like "I've got nothing man."
Marriage is like a hot bath, once you get used to it it's not so hot any more.
I'm a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.
There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after a vacation.
My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!
What's your favorite childhood memory? Not paying bills.
Ancient Egyptians used to worship cats and write on walls, a practice we still continue to do today on the Internet.
When my boss told me this is the fifth time I'm late, I smiled and thought to myself, it's Friday!!
I don't have the time or crayons to explain myself to you.
Age only matters if you are a cheese.
Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn't contain any calories.
To make a mistake is human, but to blame it on someone else, that's even more human.
Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along.
Friends are like rainbows, always there to cheer you up after a storm.
They say "don't try this at home" so I'm coming over to your house to try it.
If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot.
How come iPhone chargers are not called apple juice?
If you think patience is a virtue, try surfing the net without high speed Internet.
That awkward moment you can't understand what somebody is saying after they have repeated it about five times.
Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.
I was thinking of getting a German Shepherd once, but I didn't want to learn another language just to have a dog.
Retirement is when you stop living at work, and start working at living.
You know what's funny? Lots of things, so lighten up!
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