Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

The trick is to not let people know how weird you are until it's too late for them to back out. - Anonymous

The trick is to not let people know how weird you are until it's too late for them to back out.

People Quotes

I'm not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing. - Anonymous

I'm not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.

People say you can't live without love, but I think oxygen is more important.

People say you can't live without love, but I think oxygen is more important.

Got to work this morning and my boss told me 'have a good day', so I went home and had a great day!

Got to work this morning and my boss told me 'have a good day', so I went home and had a great day!

I only have one wish in life... For all my dreams to come true. - Anonymous

I only have one wish in life... For all my dreams to come true.

Some days I wish I had the wisdom of a 90 year old, the body of a 20 year old, and the energy of a 3 year old. - Anonymous

Some days I wish I had the wisdom of a 90 year old, the body of a 20 year old, and the energy of a 3 year old.

Sayings

Asleep first

Those who snore always fall asleep first.

If I'm silent it's because there's thunder inside me. Or I'm just chilling, may the odds be in your favor. - Anonymous

If I'm silent it's because there's thunder inside me. Or I'm just chilling, may the odds be in your favor.

Silence is golden. Too bad nobody is buying.

Silence is golden. Too bad nobody is buying.

I wish the homes of all my friends were connected to mine by secret underground tunnels. - Anonymous

I wish the homes of all my friends were connected to mine by secret underground tunnels.

Friend Quotes

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

Yesterday I really wanted tacos, and now I'm eating tacos. Follow your dreams! - Anonymous

Yesterday I really wanted tacos, and now I'm eating tacos. Follow your dreams!

Smile today, tomorrow could be worse.

Smile today, tomorrow could be worse.

I didn't find out what happiness means until I got married... and then it was too late. - Anonymous

I didn't find out what happiness means until I got married... and then it was too late.

I'm not feeling very worky today. - Anonymous

I'm not feeling very worky today.

How do you make your cell phone smarter? Turn up the brightness. - Anonymous

How do you make your cell phone smarter? Turn up the brightness.

Best friend: the one you can only get mad at for a short period, because you have important stuff to tell them. - Anonymous

Best friend: the one you can only get mad at for a short period, because you have important stuff to tell them.

Friend Quotes

Me and my best friend can communicate with just facial expressions. - Anonymous

Me and my best friend can communicate with just facial expressions.

I started thinking about the dangers of drinking on new year's eve. After that, I decided to stop thinking. - Anonymous

I started thinking about the dangers of drinking on new year's eve. After that, I decided to stop thinking.

Some days, you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue, just live with it.

Some days, you're the pigeon, some days you're the statue, just live with it.

I don't need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry! - Anonymous

I don't need anger management, you just need to stop making me angry!

Marriage is like a hot bath, once you get used to it it's not so hot any more. - Anonymous

Marriage is like a hot bath, once you get used to it it's not so hot any more.

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my fingers, because I can always count on them. - Anonymous

I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side, my legs for always supporting me, and my fingers, because I can always count on them.

Sayings

A few days ago I lost my weapon of Math instruction... my trusty pocket calculator. - Anonymous

A few days ago I lost my weapon of Math instruction... my trusty pocket calculator.

Actual meanings of various terms.

Actual meanings of various terms:
TEAM WORK: Having somebody else you can blame it on.
HARDWARE: The part of a computer you can kick when there are software problems.
IMPATIENT: Somebody who is waiting in a hurry.
INFLATION: Paying today's prices with last year's salary.