A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
If you can't laugh at your own problems, call me and I'll laugh at them.
Do you have a band-aid, because I just scraped my knee falling in love with you.
I was gonna take over the world today but I overslept. Postponed, again!
I'm a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot.
An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.
I love my six pack so much, I protect is with a layer of fat.
A relationship with a best friend is like a sugarcane... You can crush it, shred it, grind it, squeeze it and it's still sweet.
The trick is to not let people know how weird you are until it's too late for them to back out.
I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot, sleep for a while, and then wake up beautiful.
Dear Diamond, we all know who is really a girl's best friend. Sincerely yours, Chocolate Cake.
You know what part I like about waking up early? None.. let me go back to sleep.
On Mercury a day lasts 1,408 hours. Just like every Monday does on Earth.
I did a push-up today. Well actually I fell down, but I had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough.
Newspaper Ad. For sale: Encyclopedia Britannica, complete set of 45 volumes. No longer needed due to getting married. My wife knows everything. $200 Or best offer.
Life is always rocky when you're a gem.
If my life was an action movie, my boss would be the spy trying to sabotage my mission, and my mission would be going on Facebook.
Life is the dash between the birth date and the passed away date.
I'm not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.
If you had to choose between eating tacos every day or being skinny for life would you choose hard or soft tacos?
Why must I prove that I am me when I pay bills over the phone? Did some else call to pay my bills, and if they did, why don't you let them?
Listen, smile, agree.. Then do whatever you were gonna do anyway.
Of all my body parts my eyes get the most exercise, I do at least a thousand eye rolls every day.
I looked into my wallet and it was empty, I looked through all my pockets and they were all empty. Then I looked into my heart and I found you, and only then I figured out how rich I was.
I'm not sure how long my body can handle this "getting out of bed early in the morning" nonsense.
Those who snore always fall asleep first.
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