Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

I would like to thank my middle finger for always sticking up for me when I needed it. - Anonymous

I would like to thank my middle finger for always sticking up for me when I needed it.

How do I like my eggs? In a cake. - Anonymous

How do I like my eggs? In a cake.

Eat Quotes Questions Short Quotes

Never wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, and the pig likes it. - Anonymous

Never wrestle with a pig. You'll both get dirty, and the pig likes it.

Never Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

I used to think I was indecisive, but I'm not too sure any more. - Anonymous

I used to think I was indecisive, but I'm not too sure any more.

Short Quotes Think Quotes

Facebook status: I'm not online, it's just an optical illusion.

Facebook status: I'm not online, it's just an optical illusion.

Facebook Moments Short Quotes

My daily routine. Morning: Feeling tired, cranky and lazy. Afternoon: I could go for a nap. Night: I can't sleep. - Anonymous

My daily routine. Morning: Feeling tired, cranky and lazy. Afternoon: I could go for a nap. Night: I can't sleep.

Lazy Quotes Sleep Quotes

I can't sleep good when I know the food is feeling cold in the fridge. - Anonymous

I can't sleep good when I know the food is feeling cold in the fridge.

Eat Quotes Short Quotes Sleep Quotes

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

Love Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

Silence is golden. Too bad nobody is buying.

Silence is golden. Too bad nobody is buying.

Short Quotes Wise Quotes

Better moment

There is no better moment to postpone something you don't want to do other than right now.

Lazy Quotes Moments Sayings

Dear sleep: thanks for trying, but you can't beat surfing the net. - Anonymous

Dear sleep: thanks for trying, but you can't beat surfing the net.

Internet Life Quotes Short Quotes

Never let your best friends get lonely... keep disturbing them. - Anonymous

Never let your best friends get lonely... keep disturbing them.

Friend Quotes Short Quotes Top 100

I don't always clear my calculator, but when I do, I hit both C and CE a bunch of times because I don't know exactly what they do. - Anonymous

I don't always clear my calculator, but when I do, I hit both C and CE a bunch of times because I don't know exactly what they do.

I am physically, mentally and emotionally ready to enter a new phase in my life.... hibernation. - Anonymous

I am physically, mentally and emotionally ready to enter a new phase in my life.... hibernation.

I thought I wanted a career. Turns out all I wanted is paychecks. - Anonymous

I thought I wanted a career. Turns out all I wanted is paychecks.

Money Quotes Short Quotes Work Quotes

Some friends are like the wind, some are like mountains. They come in and breeze out of your life, or they are there for a lifetime. - Anonymous

Some friends are like the wind, some are like mountains. They come in and breeze out of your life, or they are there for a lifetime.

Friend Quotes Life Quotes Top 100

I'm never wrong. Just different levels of right. - Anonymous

I'm never wrong. Just different levels of right.

Never Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me...

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.

Sayings Top 100

Your legs must be tired because you have been running through my mind all night.

Your legs must be tired because you have been running through my mind all night.

Love Quotes Stupid Quotes

Paper cut: A tree's final moment of revenge. - Anonymous

Paper cut: A tree's final moment of revenge.

Funny Tree Quotes Moments Short Quotes

I did a push-up today. Well actually I fell down, but I had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough. - Anonymous

I did a push-up today. Well actually I fell down, but I had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough.

Exercise Quotes Statements Top 100

Your mind needs exercise just as much as your body does, that's why I think of jogging every day. - Anonymous

Your mind needs exercise just as much as your body does, that's why I think of jogging every day.

Exercise Quotes Stupid Quotes Think Quotes

The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it's having the phone number of somebody who does!

The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it's having the phone number of somebody who does!

Know Quotes Life Quotes Phone

You call it nagging, I call it 'listen to what I said the first time!' - Anonymous

You call it nagging, I call it 'listen to what I said the first time!'

Sayings Short Quotes Time Quotes