When the teacher said "Don't forget to bring clothes for Gym," I thought "Who is Jim and why doesn't he bring his own clothes?"
New year resolutions you can actually keep!
Skip more classes in school.
Call in sick at work more.
Go shopping more often.
Eat more unhealthy food like fries and burgers.
Drink more pop cans instead of freshly squeezing healthy fruits.
Do less exercise and watch more TV.
Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.
Today I laughed until my abs started hurting, so I can skip the gym.
Instead of calling it the John I'm going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.
Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?
Teacher: Why are you talking during my lesson? Student: Why are you teaching during my conversation?
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.
Louis Hector Berlioz
The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
After many years of studying my Geography book I finally know by heart that Australia is on page 23.
Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.
Genius without education is like silver in the mine.
I follow a rigorous exercise routine that I never get lazy about; fetching beer bottles from the fridge.
The best advise I have for all my teachers during a test is to pass the test out as fast as possible before I forget everything.
I am on a 20 day diet, so far I've lost 10 days.
Laughing is one of the best exercises, it's like running inside your mind. You can do it almost anywhere and it's even better with a friend.
When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess.
In grammar class the teacher asks her student: When you sing you say 'I sing' what do you say when your brother is singing? I say 'shut up you're a terrible singer'.
A zooology teacher asks the class 'What is the one animal in the jungle that a lion is afraid of?' The class answers: a lioness.
What is the one machine at your local gym you should use to impress the ladies? The bank machine.
Your mind needs exercise just as much as your body does, that's why I think of jogging every day.
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