Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you.
The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.
Guys: No Shirt, No Service - Gals: No Shirt, No Charge
I'd like to live like a poor man - only with lots of money.
When is the longer way always better than the shorter one? When you're a taxi driver.
You're born free, then you're taxed to death.
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.
You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
Don't be stupid, it might make you famous.
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school.
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice' ?
A girl called me once and said "come over, nobody is home!" I went there and she was right, nobody was home!
You know your driving is really terrible when your GPS says 'After 300 feet, stop and let me out!'
If A is success in life, then A is equal to X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is play; and Z - keeping your mouth shut.
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