Top 100 Funny Quotes

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I know my limits. I don't always obey them, but I know them. - Anonymous
I know my limits. I don't always obey them, but I know them. Anonymous
Know Quotes Life Quotes Short Quotes
It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills. - Anonymous
It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills. Anonymous
Sayings
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? - Anonymous
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? Anonymous
Love Quotes Questions Short Quotes
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Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading this quote! - Anonymous
Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading this quote! Anonymous
Animals TV Quotes Witty Quotes
Side by side or miles apart real friends are always close to the heart. - Anonymous
Side by side or miles apart real friends are always close to the heart. Anonymous
Friend Quotes Love Quotes Short Quotes
I only have one wish in life... For all my dreams to come true. - Anonymous
I only have one wish in life... For all my dreams to come true. Anonymous
Life Quotes Short Quotes
I'm not crazy, my unicorn just needs a tuneup.
I'm not crazy, my unicorn just needs a tuneup. Anonymous
Short Quotes Stupid Quotes
A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest.
A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest. Winston Churchill
Analogies Famous Quotes Good Quotes
In the morning you beg to sleep more, in the afternoon you are dying to sleep, and at night you refuse to sleep. - Anonymous
In the morning you beg to sleep more, in the afternoon you are dying to sleep, and at night you refuse to sleep. Anonymous
Life Quotes Sleep Quotes
So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn't for throwing at people who stress you out? - Anonymous
So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn't for throwing at people who stress you out? Anonymous
Questions
Cheer myself up.
I always try to cheer myself up by singing when I get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems. Anonymous
Moments Time Quotes
It's so simple to be wise.
It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it. Sam Levenson
Stupid Quotes Think Quotes Wise Quotes
The most important four words for a successful marriage: 'I'll do the dishes.'
The most important four words for a successful marriage: 'I'll do the dishes.' Anonymous
Marriage Quotes Short Quotes
You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.
You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.

Rita Rudner

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