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Three monkeys escaped from the zoo, one was caught watching TV, the other playing hockey, and the third one was caught reading this quote!

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Animals TV Quotes

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I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say.

Ronnie Shakes

Short QuotesKnow Quotes

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

Steven Alexander Wright

Short QuotesWise QuotesThink Quotes

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

Steven Alexander Wright

Wise Quotes

Whether you give a crap or don't give a crap, nobody wants crap anyway!

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Short QuotesSayings

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I'm not here to judge, I'm just pointing out all the mistakes you're making.

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Short QuotesStupid Quotes
The broccoli says....

The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change the subject?'

Anonymous

Stupid QuotesTree Quotes

My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn't take it out of my garden.

Eric Morecambe

Stupid Quotes
Photo of lioness sitting on grass with quotation about lion being afraid.

A zooology teacher asks the class 'What is the one animal in the jungle that a lion is afraid of?' The class answers: a lioness.

Anonymous

Animals
Happiness: The emotion that puts your face in motion. Fear: The emotion that puts your legs in motion.

Happiness: The emotion that puts your face in motion. Fear: The emotion that puts your legs in motion. Anger: The emotion that puts your fist in motion. Lesson: Don't be afraid or angry and you won't have to run and fight.

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Life QuotesHappy Quotes
If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much.

If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life vest... I would miss you so much.

Anonymous

Life QuotesPeople Quotes

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What's happening with your phone, every time I call you it says 'The subscriber you're calling is a monkey, please contact the zoo.'

Anonymous

Stupid QuotesAnimalsTime Quotes
Prescribed laughter

My doctor prescribed laughter as the most efficient medicine. Unfortunately the pharmacist said too many people were crying from laughter so it's no longer available.

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Stupid QuotesPeople Quotes

My advice is to never listen to any advice, not even this one.

Anonymous

Short QuotesStupid QuotesWise Quotes
My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them.

My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them.

Anonymous

Short QuotesLife QuotesNever Quotes

I love that cute thing you do when you stop texting me for hours, it's adorable.

Anonymous

StatementsPeople Quotes
I wanted to make a clever chemistry joke, but the best ones argon.

I wanted to make a clever chemistry joke, but the best ones argon.

Anonymous

Short QuotesWise QuotesBest Quotes

My kitchen cleaner says "for a clean kitchen" so I can't use it, mine is dirty.

Anonymous

Short QuotesStupid Quotes

I found the hotel with the most stars in the world. It has an open roof so you can see them all.

Anonymous

World Quotes

Why must I prove that I am me when I pay bills over the phone? Did some else call to pay my bills, and if they did, why don't you let them?

Anonymous

Life QuotesMoney Quotes

Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once.

Anonymous

Short QuotesAnimalsPeople Quotes

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