I always try to cheer myself up by singing when I get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems.
If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. Lily Tomlin
The only problem with golf is that the slow people are always in front of you and the fast people always end up behind you. Anonymous
I think I'm starting to have a problem with my vision, ever since I got married I haven't seen any money through the entire house. CoolFunnyQuotes.com
Happiness: The emotion that puts your face in motion. Fear: The emotion that puts your legs in motion. Anger: The emotion that puts your fist in motion. Lesson: Don't be afraid or angry and you won't have to run and fight. CoolFunnyQuotes.com
Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place... the fridge. Anonymous
In grammar class the teacher asks her student: When you sing you say 'I sing' what do you say when your brother is singing? I say 'shut up you're a terrible singer'. CoolFunnyQuotes.com
Just because I can't sing doesn't mean that I won't sing. Anonymous
A good mood like is like a balloon, one prick is all it takes to ruin it. Anonymous
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera. Anonymous
To be a good hunter you need good eyes, a steady hand, and a loud voice so you can yell for help when you're in a tree top. Anonymous
Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.
Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you. Anonymous
Stop worrying about the world ending today. It's already tomorrow in Australia. Charles M. Schulz
I'm not suffering from insanity, I'm enjoying every minute of it. Anonymous
When a door closes another door should open, but if it doesn't then go in through the window. Anonymous
Don't worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. Anonymous
Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? Anonymous