I always try to cheer myself up by singing when I get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems.
If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. Lily Tomlin
The only problem with golf is that the slow people are always in front of you and the fast people always end up behind you. Anonymous
I think I'm starting to have a problem with my vision, ever since I got married I haven't seen any money through the entire house. Anonymous
Happiness: The emotion that puts your face in motion. Fear: The emotion that puts your legs in motion. Anger: The emotion that puts your fist in motion. Lesson: Don't be afraid or angry and you won't have to run and fight. Anonymous
Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place... the fridge. Anonymous
In grammar class the teacher asks her student: When you sing you say 'I sing' what do you say when your brother is singing? I say 'shut up you're a terrible singer'. Anonymous
Just because I can't sing doesn't mean that I won't sing. Anonymous
A good mood like is like a balloon, one prick is all it takes to ruin it. Anonymous