If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Ever looked at your ex and wondered... was I drunk the entire relationship?
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.
Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'?
You know the speed of light; so what is the speed of dark?
What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?
Who are you and how did you get in here? Frank: I'm a locksmith. And... I'm a locksmith...
Naked Gun (Movie)
How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?
There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart.
Why is the sky blue? Sure there is an explanation, but lets just be thankful it's not red!
Why was the rabbit chasing the frog? Because the frog kept calling out "riaabit.. riabbit.."
When the cop told me to give him my first name and last name I told him, 'Are you crazy? What's my name going to be then?'
Love is like playing bridge, if you don't have a good partner, it's good to at least have a good hand.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent? That's why I never take baths.
Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.
They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?
What animal can jump higher than a house? Any animal that can jump at all, because houses can't jump.
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
Did you ever notice, whenever you need your keys the most, that's when they're the hardest to find?
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