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The most important four words for a successful marriage: 'I'll do the dishes.'

The most important four words for a successful marriage: 'I'll do the dishes.'

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Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years.... then we met.

Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years.... then we met.

Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. - Joey Adams

Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

Marriage Quotes

Newspaper Ad. For sale: Encyclopedia Britannica, complete set of 45 volumes. No longer needed due to getting married. My wife knows everything. $200 Or best offer. - Anonymous

Newspaper Ad. For sale: Encyclopedia Britannica, complete set of 45 volumes. No longer needed due to getting married. My wife knows everything. $200 Or best offer.

Marriage is a wonderful institution... but who wants to live in an institution? - Groucho Marx

Marriage is a wonderful institution... but who wants to live in an institution?

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Rita Rudner

Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years. - Anonymous

Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.

Benjamin Franklin

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. - Henny Youngman

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it's having the phone number of somebody who does!

The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it's having the phone number of somebody who does!

When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad. - Helen Rowland

When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the one that's mad.

Helen Rowland

Marriage Quotes

Ever since it started snowing my husband is standing in front of the window and watching.

Ever since it started snowing my husband is standing in front of the window and watching. If the snow gets much worse, I might let him inside the house.

Marriage Quotes

When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner.

When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner.

CoolFunnyQuotes.com

I always help my wife out with housework such as washing the dishes and doing the laundry. She washes them, and I let them dry. - Anonymous

I always help my wife out with housework such as washing the dishes and doing the laundry. She washes them, and I let them dry.

When I tried to do a search for marital advise on Google, it tried to finish my sentence for me, just like my wife does.

My wife never gives up. She is so insistent that she entered the wrong password over and over again until she managed to convince the computer that she's right!

My wife loves me so much, she tries her best to attract me to her. The other day she put on a perfume that smells like a computer.

CoolFunnyQuotes.com

I think I'm starting to have a problem with my vision, ever since I got married I haven't seen any money through the entire house. - CoolFunnyQuotes.com

I think I'm starting to have a problem with my vision, ever since I got married I haven't seen any money through the entire house.

CoolFunnyQuotes.com

One day my wife's credit card got stolen.

One day my wife's credit card got stolen.. what a relief it was to find that the thief spends less than my wife!

Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.

Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.

Ogden Nash

My wife told me the other day that I don't take her to expensive places any more, so I took her to the gas station. - Anonymous

My wife told me the other day that I don't take her to expensive places any more, so I took her to the gas station.

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