Stupid Funny Quotes

The last thing that blew my mind was the wind.

Officer: I had a feeling I'd catch someone speeding here. Driver: I know, that's why I came as fast as I could!

After a while, I eventually fell in love and there was nobody to pick me up.

It's better to shut up and give the impression that you're stupid than to say something and erase all doubt.

I started thinking about the dangers of drinking on new year's eve. After that, I decided to stop thinking.

He grabbed her hand and held it tightly, and she thought, "he loves me!" And he thought, "wow this sidewalk is icy!"

I never apologize. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way I am..

You can't have everything... where would you put it?

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

Stop saying "B4" instead of "Before," you're ruining my Bingo game.