Be crazy, be stupid, be silly, be weird. Be whatever, because life is too short to be anything but happy.
The hardest thing to find in life is happiness - money is only hard to find because it gets wasted trying to find happiness.
Life is too short to remove USB safely.
I'm not crazy, my unicorn just needs a tuneup.
I'm the kind of crazy you weren't warned about because no one knew this level existed.
The trick is to not let people know how weird you are until it's too late for them to back out.
Be kind to people, and if that's too much to ask for then just be weird to people. It's the least you can do.
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
Me and my wife lived happily for twenty years.... then we met.
You laugh because I'm different...........
I laugh cause I just farted!
I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them.
George W. Bush
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories...
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
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