A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by two minutes, and a day of work by seven to ten hours.
Drinking after work is fine, but if you really want to enjoy working then drink before work.
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is bacteria.
What is the difference between having a cold beer and going to the bathroom? About 35 minutes.
How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
I'm in desperate need of a 6 month vacation... twice a year.
Let's have a beer together, you can open it and I will drink it.
Give a man a fish and he will have food for one day. Teach him to catch fish and he will spend all day at the lake drinking beer.
If my life was an action movie, my boss would be the spy trying to sabotage my mission, and my mission would be going on Facebook.
Retirement is when you stop living at work, and start working at living.
The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well.
I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
If you don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in every day, and do it really half assed. That's the American way. - Homer Simpson
Everyone needs to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.
William Charles Dement
The best things in life are free. The rest are too expensive.
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