I thought I wanted a career. Turns out all I wanted is paychecks.
Actual meanings of various terms:
TEAM WORK: Having somebody else you can blame it on.
HARDWARE: The part of a computer you can kick when there are software problems.
IMPATIENT: Somebody who is waiting in a hurry.
INFLATION: Paying today's prices with last year's salary.
Minimum wage is like work enthusiasm, it disappears quickly.
My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.
If you don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in every day, and do it really half assed. That's the American way. - Homer Simpson
Men are like bank accounts.
Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest.
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
If there is a "WILL", there are 500 relatives.
When there's a will, I want to be in it.
Drinking after work is fine, but if you really want to enjoy working then drink before work.
I'd like to live like a poor man - only with lots of money.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!... He's dreaming too.
When my boss told me this is the fifth time I'm late, I smiled and thought to myself, it's Friday!!
Due to current economic conditions the light
at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
I love my job only when I'm on vacation.
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?
If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.
There was a time when people said, 'Jim, if you keep on making faces, your face will freeze like that.' Now they just say, 'Pay him!'
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