When I was 16 I worked in a pet store, and they fired me because... they had three snakes in there, and one day I braided them.
If you don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in every day, and do it really half assed. That's the American way. - Homer Simpson
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
Drinking after work is fine, but if you really want to enjoy working then drink before work.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
When my boss told me this is the fifth time I'm late, I smiled and thought to myself, it's Friday!!
I love my job only when I'm on vacation.
If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.
Working in a team means spending half your time convincing the others that your idea is better than theirs.
A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by two minutes, and a day of work by seven to ten hours.
The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.
Actual meanings of various terms:
TEAM WORK: Having somebody else you can blame it on.
HARDWARE: The part of a computer you can kick when there are software problems.
IMPATIENT: Somebody who is waiting in a hurry.
INFLATION: Paying today's prices with last year's salary.
Tell your boss what you really think about him, and the truth shall set you free, from your job.
I don't work on weekends, or any other day that ends with "Y".
I'm in desperate need of a 6 month vacation... twice a year.
The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television.
If it's the fifth day in a row that you don't feel like working, it means it's finally Friday!
When you wake up at 6 in the morning, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's already 6:45. When you're at work and it's 2:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's 2:31.
Stop crying, Monday will be over soon.
Got to work this morning and my boss told me 'have a good day', so I went home and had a great day!
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