Drinking after work is fine, but if you really want to enjoy working then drink before work.
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A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by two minutes, and a day of work by seven to ten hours.
The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well.
If you don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in every day, and do it really half assed. That's the American way. - Homer Simpson
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
When my boss told me this is the fifth time I'm late, I smiled and thought to myself, it's Friday!!
I love my job only when I'm on vacation.
If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is bacteria.
If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
I follow a rigorous exercise routine that I never get lazy about; fetching beer bottles from the fridge.
Alcohol kills brain cells slowly, but that never bothered me because I'm not in a hurry.
Working in a team means spending half your time convincing the others that your idea is better than theirs.
What is the difference between having a cold beer and going to the bathroom? About 35 minutes.
I started thinking about the dangers of drinking on new year's eve. After that, I decided to stop thinking.
The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.
Actual meanings of various terms:
TEAM WORK: Having somebody else you can blame it on.
HARDWARE: The part of a computer you can kick when there are software problems.
IMPATIENT: Somebody who is waiting in a hurry.
INFLATION: Paying today's prices with last year's salary.
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