CoolFunnyQuotes.com Quote

A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by two minutes, and a day of work by seven to ten hours.

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The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well.

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If you don't like your job, you don't strike! You just go in every day, and do it really half assed. That's the American way. - Homer Simpson

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Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

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When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.

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When my boss told me this is the fifth time I'm late, I smiled and thought to myself, it's Friday!!

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I love my job only when I'm on vacation.

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If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be 'meetings.'

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I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

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Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.

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In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is bacteria.

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If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.

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It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

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When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

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I follow a rigorous exercise routine that I never get lazy about; fetching beer bottles from the fridge.

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Alcohol kills brain cells slowly, but that never bothered me because I'm not in a hurry.

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Working in a team means spending half your time convincing the others that your idea is better than theirs.

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What is the difference between having a cold beer and going to the bathroom? About 35 minutes.

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I started thinking about the dangers of drinking on new year's eve. After that, I decided to stop thinking.

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The best part of going to work is coming back home at the end of the day.

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Actual meanings of various terms:
TEAM WORK: Having somebody else you can blame it on.
HARDWARE: The part of a computer you can kick when there are software problems.
IMPATIENT: Somebody who is waiting in a hurry.
INFLATION: Paying today's prices with last year's salary.

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