You know what's funny? Lots of things, so lighten up!
I just got off a flight that crossed through five time zones. Does that make me a time traveler?
You know the speed of light; so what is the speed of dark?
Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
Think you're smart? Come over and help me with my homework.
What's the best thing about living in Switzerland? The flag is a big plus.
Why does the bad piano player refuse to play when you offer him $100 to play? The neighbour already gave him $200 to stop playing.
What is the difference between having a cold beer and going to the bathroom? About 35 minutes.
Why is the sky blue? Sure there is an explanation, but lets just be thankful it's not red!
When is the longer way always better than the shorter one? When you're a taxi driver.
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
According to Archimedes' principle, what happens when you jump in a bathtub full of water? Answer: The phone rings.
Who are you and how did you get in here? Frank: I'm a locksmith. And... I'm a locksmith...
Naked Gun (Movie)
When is yelling during a robbery a bad idea? When you have gold teeth.
If you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
Why shouldn't you ever iron a four leaf clover? You don't want to press your luck.
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu. One requires tweetment and the other requires oinkment.
How do you feel when the coffee machine is out coffee? Depresso.
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