Want to hear a construction joke? Sorry, I'm still working on it.
How do I like my eggs? In a cake.
What's your best non-swearing insult? I hope you step on a Lego.
Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have thick fingers.
You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.
You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent? That's why I never take baths.
Steven Alexander Wright
Why did Adele cross the road? To say 'Hello' from the other side.
Could you please be as silent as the G in lasagna?
How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How does the confused dog bark? Wutf? Wutf?
Why didn't Bruce Willis play the lead role in Titanic? He would have saved everyone.
How does a train eat? Chew, Chew...
Do you ever go out, and then something happens and you think to yourself 'this is exactly why I don't go out'?
Why do dentists use more anesthetic for longer procedures? So you won't be able to run away when it's time to pay the bill.
What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?
Isn't it funny that the number 2 pencil is the most popular?
Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'?
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?
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