Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming. Anonymous
You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.
Want someone to stop texting you? Send back 'SERVICE ERROR 305: DELIVERY FAILED, FURTHER MESSAGES WILL BE CHARGED AT A RATE OF $1 PER MESSAGE TO YOUR ACCOUNT." Anonymous
Chocolate doesn't ask silly questions, chocolate understands. Anonymous
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.' Anonymous
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. Woody Allen
Why do you wear glasses? My eyes are so beautiful they have to be kept behind glass, like a showcase. Anonymous
Have you ever wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders, give them a good shake and whisper "Nobody cares!" Anonymous
Why was the rabbit chasing the frog? Because the frog kept calling out "riaabit.. riabbit.." CoolFunnyQuotes.com
When is the longer way always better than the shorter one? When you're a taxi driver. CoolFunnyQuotes.com
Why didn't Bruce Willis play the lead role in Titanic? He would have saved everyone. Anonymous
When the cop told me to give him my first name and last name I told him, 'Are you crazy? What's my name going to be then?' Anonymous
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu. One requires tweetment and the other requires oinkment. Anonymous
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