Did you know electronics need smoke to work? Once the smoke comes out of them, they stop working.
Why do you wear glasses? My eyes are so beautiful they have to be kept behind glass, like a showcase.
So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn't for throwing at people who stress you out?
What's the best thing about living in Switzerland? The flag is a big plus.
Since there is only one of me, does that make me limited edition?
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
When the cop told me to give him my first name and last name I told him, 'Are you crazy? What's my name going to be then?'
You know the speed of light; so what is the speed of dark?
How do you feel when the coffee machine is out coffee? Depresso.
If you had to choose between eating tacos every day or being skinny for life would you choose hard or soft tacos?
Have you ever looked at someone and knew the wheel was turning, but the hamster fell off long time ago?
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu. One requires tweetment and the other requires oinkment.
What's best way to build upper arm strength? Take lots of selfies.
Does anyone else have plastic bags full of plastic bags or is it just me?
Why was the rabbit chasing the frog? Because the frog kept calling out "riaabit.. riabbit.."
Do you ever go out, and then something happens and you think to yourself 'this is exactly why I don't go out'?
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?
Why does the bad piano player refuse to play when you offer him $100 to play? The neighbour already gave him $200 to stop playing.
Why didn't Bruce Willis play the lead role in Titanic? He would have saved everyone.
Could you please be as silent as the G in lasagna?
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.
When is yelling during a robbery a bad idea? When you have gold teeth.
Who are you and how did you get in here? Frank: I'm a locksmith. And... I'm a locksmith...
Naked Gun (Movie)
How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?
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