What did my doctor tell me when I rushed into his office and told him I have 40 seconds to live? Hold on a minute! Anonymous
Do you ever go out, and then something happens and you think to yourself 'this is exactly why I don't go out'? Anonymous
I wasn't mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if I'm mad.. yes, I'm mad! Anonymous
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling? Anonymous
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? Steven Alexander Wright
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? Anonymous
How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost? Anonymous
What's best way to build upper arm strength? Take lots of selfies. Anonymous
Why do you wear glasses? My eyes are so beautiful they have to be kept behind glass, like a showcase. Anonymous
Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle free and three sizes smaller? Anonymous
You can't have everything... where would you put it? Steven Alexander Wright
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