If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible?
What keys can't open locks? Monkeys, donkeys and turkeys.
Do you ever go out, and then something happens and you think to yourself 'this is exactly why I don't go out'?
Why can't cats work on the computer? They get too distracted chasing the mouse around.
How does a train eat? Chew, Chew...
Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle free and three sizes smaller?
If I had 10 cookies and you took half, do you know what you would have? That's right, a black eye and a broken hand.
What did my doctor tell me when I rushed into his office and told him I have 40 seconds to live? Hold on a minute!
Want to hear a construction joke? Sorry, I'm still working on it.
You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.
What's best way to build upper arm strength? Take lots of selfies.
Think you're smart? Come over and help me with my homework.
What's your best non-swearing insult? I hope you step on a Lego.
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?
Isn't it funny how red white and blue represent freedom, unless they're flashing behind you?
People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out... I mean, don't they have thoughts?
Did you know electronics need smoke to work? Once the smoke comes out of them, they stop working.
What did the traffic light say to the other traffic light? Don't look, I'm changing.
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