Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years.
Did you know electronics need smoke to work? Once the smoke comes out of them, they stop working.
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
Have you ever wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders, give them a good shake and whisper "Nobody cares!"
Chocolate doesn't ask silly questions, chocolate understands.
Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible?
What's best way to build upper arm strength? Take lots of selfies.
Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday?
Your idea is completely terrible... so what time shall we do it?
How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?
How do I like my eggs? In a cake.
At the end of the day life should ask us "Are you sure you want to save the changes?"
How come iPhone chargers are not called apple juice?
Have you ever looked at someone and knew the wheel was turning, but the hamster fell off long time ago?
If you had to choose between eating tacos every day or being skinny for life would you choose hard or soft tacos?
I wonder, we lazy people go to heaven... or do they send someone to pick us up?
Why didn't I use my turn signals? It's nobody's business where I'm going.
Dear life, when I said "can this day get any worse" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff. How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf. How does the confused dog bark? Wutf? Wutf?
Does anyone else have plastic bags full of plastic bags or is it just me?
What keys can't open locks? Monkeys, donkeys and turkeys.
Want to hear a construction joke? Sorry, I'm still working on it.
You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent? That's why I never take baths.
Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have thick fingers.
If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible?
