Me sarcastic? Never.
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday?
Did you ever notice, whenever you need your keys the most, that's when they're the hardest to find?
At the end of the day life should ask us "Are you sure you want to save the changes?"
Why didn't I use my turn signals? It's nobody's business where I'm going.
If you had to choose between eating tacos every day or being skinny for life would you choose hard or soft tacos?
You can't have everything... where would you put it?
Steven Alexander Wright
Chocolate doesn't ask silly questions, chocolate understands.
How do I like my eggs? In a cake.
Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have thick fingers.
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
Do I run? Yes.. Out of time, patients and money.
Why didn't Bruce Willis play the lead role in Titanic? He would have saved everyone.
If you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years.
If a philosopher answers your question, you will no longer understand what you asked in the first place.
How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?
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