Why did Adele cross the road? To say 'Hello' from the other side.
People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out... I mean, don't they have thoughts?
What animal can jump higher than a house? Any animal that can jump at all, because houses can't jump.
What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?
You don't know something? Google it. You don't know someone? Facebook it. You don't know where something is? MOM!
Isn't it funny how red white and blue represent freedom, unless they're flashing behind you?
Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'?
You know what's funny? Lots of things, so lighten up!
How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How does the confused dog bark? Wutf? Wutf?
I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at the floor, and think "I'd tap that."
Could you please be as silent as the G in lasagna?
What's the best excuse to ask the girl you like for her photo? Tell her you're collecting all the Pokemon's.
Want to hear a construction joke? Sorry, I'm still working on it.
What's your best non-swearing insult? I hope you step on a Lego.
How does a train eat? Chew, Chew...
Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible?
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