How do I like my eggs? In a cake.
Do I run? Yes.. Out of time, patients and money.
If someone says "Who are you gonna call?" and your instinct is to say "Ghostbusters" then I probably don't want to know you.
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
Steven Alexander Wright
Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years.
What is the best thing to do when you have a hole in a boat and water is leaking inside? Make another hole to drain the water.
How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?
You don't know something? Google it. You don't know someone? Facebook it. You don't know where something is? MOM!
Alcohol, what's that? It's not in my vodkabulary, but let me check in whiskypedia.
If a philosopher answers your question, you will no longer understand what you asked in the first place.
What do I do for a living? I breathe in and out.
I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. "Alright, get in the basket."
You have Facebook? Yup. You have Whatsapp? Yup. You have love? Forgot to install it.
If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible?
What keys can't open locks? Monkeys, donkeys and turkeys.
What animal can jump higher than a house? Any animal that can jump at all, because houses can't jump.
Do you ever go out, and then something happens and you think to yourself 'this is exactly why I don't go out'?
Why can't cats work on the computer? They get too distracted chasing the mouse around.
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