Why is the sky blue? Sure there is an explanation, but lets just be thankful it's not red!
I wonder, we lazy people go to heaven... or do they send someone to pick us up?
Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'?
What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?
I wasn't mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if I'm mad.. yes, I'm mad!
Why didn't I use my turn signals? It's nobody's business where I'm going.
How do I like my eggs? In a cake.
Alcohol, what's that? It's not in my vodkabulary, but let me check in whiskypedia.
People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out... I mean, don't they have thoughts?
Isn't it funny how red white and blue represent freedom, unless they're flashing behind you?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams.
According to Archimedes' principle, what happens when you jump in a bathtub full of water? Answer: The phone rings.
I just got off a flight that crossed through five time zones. Does that make me a time traveler?
What animal can jump higher than a house? Any animal that can jump at all, because houses can't jump.
If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible?
Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
Have you ever wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders, give them a good shake and whisper "Nobody cares!"
Think you're smart? Come over and help me with my homework.
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
If someone says "Who are you gonna call?" and your instinct is to say "Ghostbusters" then I probably don't want to know you.
So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn't for throwing at people who stress you out?
Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle free and three sizes smaller?
How does a train eat? Chew, Chew...
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