How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he's lost?
Did you know electronics need smoke to work? Once the smoke comes out of them, they stop working.
If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible?
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?
People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out... I mean, don't they have thoughts?
What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?
What's your best non-swearing insult? I hope you step on a Lego.
If a philosopher answers your question, you will no longer understand what you asked in the first place.
Why did Adele cross the road? To say 'Hello' from the other side.
Think you're smart? Come over and help me with my homework.
Could you please be as silent as the G in lasagna?
How does the healthy dog bark? Ruff Ruff.
How does the cold dog bark ? Scarf Scarf.
How does the confused dog bark? Wutf? Wutf?
When is yelling during a robbery a bad idea? When you have gold teeth.
Does anyone else have plastic bags full of plastic bags or is it just me?
What does a blonde ask her blonde friend who just did a pregnancy test? Were the questions hard? Did you pass?
Why does the bad piano player refuse to play when you offer him $100 to play? The neighbour already gave him $200 to stop playing.
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