Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

I finally found love... in Webster's dictionary, page 357 at the bottom right. - Anonymous

I finally found love... in Webster's dictionary, page 357 at the bottom right.

Love Quotes Short Quotes

Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive. - Anonymous

Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.

Sayings Short Quotes

I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. - Anonymous

I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge.

Exercise Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

Don't worry, the spider is smaller than you. "Yeah. So is a grenade." - Anonymous

Don't worry, the spider is smaller than you. "Yeah. So is a grenade."

Animals Short Quotes

Always be positive. *Trips down the stairs* Whew, I got down those stairs fast. - Anonymous

Always be positive. *Trips down the stairs* Whew, I got down those stairs fast.

I hate it when people text "Call me." I'm going to start calling people and as soon as they answer I'll say "text me," then hang up. - Anonymous

I hate it when people text "Call me." I'm going to start calling people and as soon as they answer I'll say "text me," then hang up.

People Quotes Statements

Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. - Anonymous

Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal.

Short Quotes Statements

Now if you'll excuse me... today's bad decisions aren't going to make themselves.

People say "go big or go home" like going home is a bad thing. Heck yeah I want to go home, and I'll have a nap when I get there.

Sayings Sleep Quotes

You know you're a mom when you understand why mama bear's porridge was cold. - Anonymous

You know you're a mom when you understand why mama bear's porridge was cold.

Know Quotes Life Quotes Short Quotes

I'm having people over to stare at their phones later, if you want to come by...

People Quotes Phone Stupid Quotes

Sharks are not so bad... If a stranger came into my house wearing only a bathing suit, I'd probably get angry too. - Anonymous

Sharks are not so bad... If a stranger came into my house wearing only a bathing suit, I'd probably get angry too.

Smile like a monkey with a new banana.

Sayings Short Quotes

Listen, before I had my coffee I didn't know how awesome I was going to be today either.

If there's no love in the world,... let's make some.

If there's no love in the world,... let's make some.

Love Quotes Short Quotes World Quotes

What is the one machine at your local gym you should use to impress the ladies? The bank machine.

What is the one machine at your local gym you should use to impress the ladies? The bank machine.

Moments Money Quotes

If you're all wrapped up in yourself then you are overdressed.

If you're all wrapped up in yourself then you are overdressed.

Life Quotes Short Quotes

If camera lenses are round, why are the pictures square?

Questions Short Quotes

If one door closes and another door opens... your house is probably haunted.

Sayings Short Quotes

My four moods: I'm too old for doing that. I'm too tired for doing that. I'm too sober for doing that. I don't have time for doing that.

Two mice are eating a movie film roll at a cinema when one says to the other: this movie is good, but the book was better!

Two mice are eating a movie film roll at a cinema when one says to the other: this movie is good, but the book was better!

Animals Eat Quotes Good Quotes

Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here. - Anonymous

Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.

Short Quotes Time Quotes Work Quotes

To a dog, a fire hydrant under maintenance is like a bathroom that's out of service.

To a dog, a fire hydrant under maintenance is like a bathroom that's out of service.

Animals Dog Quotes

I'm not arguing, I'm just telling you why you're wrong. - Anonymous

I'm not arguing, I'm just telling you why you're wrong.

Short Quotes Wise Quotes

When the cop told me to give him my first name and last name I told him, 'Are you crazy? What's my name going to be then?'

Questions Stupid Quotes