A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes.
I've always wanted to turn around in an executive chair and say "I've been expecting you."
I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow.
You know the potholes on a road are bad when they assign lifeguards to them, in case anybody falls inside.
I noticed you are not noticing me.
Stop crying, Monday will be over soon.
It's so hot outside that I went to buy vegetables, and by the time I got home they turned into soup already.
If you know something will go wrong and you do everything to stop it from happening, then something else will go wrong.
I would like to thank my middle finger for always sticking up for me when I needed it.
I have a new hair style today, it's called "I tried."
Make yourself at home... clean my kitchen.
Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible?
I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it's someone's birthday and I like to celebrate.
Life is a pretty cheezy game, but at least it has good graphics.
I'm so sorry about what I said when I was hungry.
I really should do something with my life... maybe tomorrow.
I didn't mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button.
Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when I'm with you.
Interviewer: Would you say you are independent? Me: *looks at mum*, *mum nods* Me: I'd say so, yes.
If at first you don't succeed, order some pizza.
Love is like playing bridge, if you don't have a good partner, it's good to at least have a good hand.
It's not important to win, it's important to make the other guy lose.
Don't wake me up! I'm studying.
The only problem with golf is that the slow people are always in front of you and the fast people always end up behind you.
I know that Einstein's theory of relativity is correct because every weekend goes by twice as fast as normal.
CoolFunnyQuotes.com © 2019