Anonymous Funny Quotes

Home / Authors / Anonymous / Page 35

A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

I have a new hair style today, it's called "I tried." - Anonymous

I have a new hair style today, it's called "I tried."

I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it's someone's birthday and I like to celebrate. - Anonymous

I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it's someone's birthday and I like to celebrate.

Eat Quotes

I noticed you are not noticing me. - Anonymous

I noticed you are not noticing me.

There's something missing in my life, I just don't know if it's a puppy, a person, or a slice of pizza. - Anonymous

There's something missing in my life, I just don't know if it's a puppy, a person, or a slice of pizza.

I've always wanted to turn around in an executive chair and say "I've been expecting you." - Anonymous

I've always wanted to turn around in an executive chair and say "I've been expecting you."

I didn't mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. - Anonymous

I didn't mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button.

Interviewer: Would you say you are independent? Me: *looks at mum*, *mum nods* Me: I'd say so, yes. - Anonymous

Interviewer: Would you say you are independent? Me: *looks at mum*, *mum nods* Me: I'd say so, yes.

Work Quotes

If at first you don't succeed, order some pizza. - Anonymous

If at first you don't succeed, order some pizza.

Love is like playing bridge, if you don't have a good partner, it's good to at least have a good hand.

Don't wake me up! I'm studying. - Anonymous

Don't wake me up! I'm studying.

The only problem with golf is that the slow people are always in front of you and the fast people always end up behind you.

People Quotes

Sorry I didn't pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. - Anonymous

Sorry I didn't pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone.

Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when I'm with you. - Anonymous

Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when I'm with you.

I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at the floor, and think "I'd tap that." - Anonymous

I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at the floor, and think "I'd tap that."

Statements

All you have to know about celery is that it's made up of 95% water, and it's 100% not pizza. - Anonymous

All you have to know about celery is that it's made up of 95% water, and it's 100% not pizza.

A day without coffee is like something without something.

A day without coffee is like something without something.

I'm not a morning person. I'm not even an afternoon person. I pretty much start functioning after 6pm.

Lazy Quotes

I know that Einstein's theory of relativity is correct because every weekend goes by twice as fast as normal. - Anonymous

I know that Einstein's theory of relativity is correct because every weekend goes by twice as fast as normal.

Life is a pretty cheezy game, but at least it has good graphics. - Anonymous

Life is a pretty cheezy game, but at least it has good graphics.

I really should do something with my life... maybe tomorrow. - Anonymous

I really should do something with my life... maybe tomorrow.

It's so hot outside that I went to buy vegetables, and by the time I got home they turned into soup already. - Anonymous

It's so hot outside that I went to buy vegetables, and by the time I got home they turned into soup already.

I wake up looking better every day, but today I'm exaggerating. - Anonymous

I wake up looking better every day, but today I'm exaggerating.

I'm so sorry about what I said when I was hungry.

I'm so sorry about what I said when I was hungry.

I would like to thank my middle finger for always sticking up for me when I needed it. - Anonymous

I would like to thank my middle finger for always sticking up for me when I needed it.

Sayings

Don't disturb me, I am disturbed enough already.

Don't disturb me, I am disturbed enough already.