Not to brag but I don't even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
Alcohol kills brain cells slowly, but that never bothered me because I'm not in a hurry.
Alcohol, what's that? It's not in my vodkabulary, but let me check in whiskypedia.
I drank so much Vodka last night that this morning I woke up with a Russian accent.
Now if you'll excuse me... today's bad decisions aren't going to make themselves.
The problem with drinking and driving is that trees defend themselves very well.
Drinking after work is fine, but if you really want to enjoy working then drink before work.
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
In beer there is freedom, in wine there is health, in cognac there is power and in water there is bacteria.
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
I follow a rigorous exercise routine that I never get lazy about; fetching beer bottles from the fridge.
What is the difference between having a cold beer and going to the bathroom? About 35 minutes.
I started thinking about the dangers of drinking on new year's eve. After that, I decided to stop thinking.
A glass of beer shortens your life by one minute, a glass of wine by two minutes, and a day of work by seven to ten hours.
How do you know a man is thinking about his future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
Let's have a beer together, you can open it and I will drink it.
Hate your job? Join our support group! It’s called EVERYBODY. We meet at the bar.
Don't drink to forget me, you'll end up seeing me double.
Give a man a fish and he will have food for one day. Teach him to catch fish and he will spend all day at the lake drinking beer.
I don't have a drinking problem, I have thirst problem.
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