Latest Funny Quotes

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Latest quotes in the order they were added.

Currently helping my kids find the chocolate that I ate last night. Anonymous

Back in my day there was so much toilet paper available that people used to string it up in trees to annoy people. Anonymous

If you were wondering about my culinary skills... I've been asked to bring paper towels to our family gatherings. Anonymous

Good morning self-isolation inmates! Anyone know how much vodka goes in scrambled eggs? - Anonymous

Good morning self-isolation inmates! Anyone know how much vodka goes in scrambled eggs? Anonymous

Eat Quotes Good Quotes

It's not boring staying in the house for weeks in a row. But how come one bag of rice has 48,356 gains and the other 47,998? Anonymous

Sorry, the deadline for complaints was yesterday. Anonymous

Husband: I am a grown man, stop mothering me. Also husband: Have you seen my keys? Have you seen my wallet? Where did we park? I don't have clean underwear. Anonymous

Life Quotes Marriage Quotes

Honestly, I don't even play an active role in my life any more. Things just happen and I'm like "I guess this is what we're doing now." Anonymous

Here's human empathy for you: Things die all over our windshields and we're like, "Man, I just washed this!" Anonymous

People said follow your dreams, so I went back to bed. Anonymous

Short Quotes Sleep Quotes

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