Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Don't wake me up! I'm studying. - Anonymous

Don't wake me up! I'm studying.

The only problem with golf is that the slow people are always in front of you and the fast people always end up behind you.

People Quotes

I know that Einstein's theory of relativity is correct because every weekend goes by twice as fast as normal. - Anonymous

I know that Einstein's theory of relativity is correct because every weekend goes by twice as fast as normal.

I'm not a morning person. I'm not even an afternoon person. I pretty much start functioning after 6pm.

Lazy Quotes

A day without coffee is like something without something.

A day without coffee is like something without something.

I wake up looking better every day, but today I'm exaggerating. - Anonymous

I wake up looking better every day, but today I'm exaggerating.

I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. - Anonymous

I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge.

Always be positive. *Trips down the stairs* Whew, I got down those stairs fast. - Anonymous

Always be positive. *Trips down the stairs* Whew, I got down those stairs fast.

Short Quotes

What's the best thing about living in Switzerland? The flag is a big plus. - Anonymous

What's the best thing about living in Switzerland? The flag is a big plus.

Don't disturb me, I am disturbed enough already.

Don't disturb me, I am disturbed enough already.

I never apologize. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way I am.

I never apologize. I’m sorry, but that’s just the way I am..

Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed and permanently set.

Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed and permanently set.

Zoning out is your brain's way of saying "You look bored. Let me take you to a better place."

Zoning out is your brain's way of saying "You look bored. Let me take you to a better place."

Think Quotes

You know you are lazy when you get excited about cancelling your plans. - Anonymous

You know you are lazy when you get excited about cancelling your plans.

Tried going out with my girlfriend but by the time she finished putting on her makeup the weekend was over.

Tried going out with my girlfriend but by the time she finished putting on her makeup the weekend was over.

When you're thinking that I'm thinking of you, I'm thinking you're thinking of me.

When you're thinking that I'm thinking of you, I'm thinking you're thinking of me.

I get tired from just thinking of everything I have to do. - Anonymous

I get tired from just thinking of everything I have to do.

How do I like my eggs? In a cake. - Anonymous

How do I like my eggs? In a cake.

My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy. - Anonymous

My diet for today: 1% food, 99% Halloween candy.

Dear LOL, thank you for being there for me all those times I never had something else to say. - Anonymous

Dear LOL, thank you for being there for me all those times I never had something else to say.

Store front sign: Entire store on sale, everything $1 or more.

Love is like a tornado, picks you up off your feet and sometimes takes half your house. - Anonymous

Love is like a tornado, picks you up off your feet and sometimes takes half your house.

Love Quotes

Life is too short to worry about matching socks. - Anonymous

Life is too short to worry about matching socks.

Lies I tell myself: Just one more cookie. Just one more movie. Just one more minute. - Anonymous

Lies I tell myself: Just one more cookie. Just one more movie. Just one more minute.

"Tomorrow is another day..." Oh sorry, I thought the world is ending today. - Anonymous

"Tomorrow is another day..." Oh sorry, I thought the world is ending today.