Anonymous Funny Quotes

Home / Authors / Anonymous / Page 36

A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

If you have crazy friends you have everything you'll ever need. - Anonymous

If you have crazy friends you have everything you'll ever need.

Spilling hot coffee on your lap wakes you up faster than drinking it. - Anonymous

Spilling hot coffee on your lap wakes you up faster than drinking it.

I would like to thank my middle finger for always sticking up for me when I needed it. - Anonymous

I would like to thank my middle finger for always sticking up for me when I needed it.

Sayings

Don't disturb me, I am disturbed enough already.

Don't disturb me, I am disturbed enough already.

I just got off a flight that crossed through five time zones. Does that make me a time traveler? - Anonymous

I just got off a flight that crossed through five time zones. Does that make me a time traveler?

The best advise I have for all my teachers during a test is to pass the test out as fast as possible before I forget everything.

Wise Quotes

The best way to show a giraffe your love is to knit a scarf for it. - Anonymous

The best way to show a giraffe your love is to knit a scarf for it.

It's so hot outside that I went to buy vegetables, and by the time I got home they turned into soup already. - Anonymous

It's so hot outside that I went to buy vegetables, and by the time I got home they turned into soup already.

Tried going out with my girlfriend but by the time she finished putting on her makeup the weekend was over.

Tried going out with my girlfriend but by the time she finished putting on her makeup the weekend was over.

Love is like a tornado, picks you up off your feet and sometimes takes half your house. - Anonymous

Love is like a tornado, picks you up off your feet and sometimes takes half your house.

Love Quotes

Your cake

"Oh you want to have your cake and eat it too?" Darn right, what good is cake if you can't eat it ?

Dear sleep: thanks for trying, but you can't beat surfing the net. - Anonymous

Dear sleep: thanks for trying, but you can't beat surfing the net.

Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? - Anonymous

Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible?

Think you're smart? Come over and help me with my homework.

Think you're smart? Come over and help me with my homework.

Guys: No Shirt, No Service - Gals: No Shirt, No Charge

I only check my voice mail to get rid of the annoying little icon. - Anonymous

I only check my voice mail to get rid of the annoying little icon.

Some people have "aha" moments, I just have "Oh Seriously?" moments. - Anonymous

Some people have "aha" moments, I just have "Oh Seriously?" moments.

Dear LOL, thank you for being there for me all those times I never had something else to say. - Anonymous

Dear LOL, thank you for being there for me all those times I never had something else to say.

It's a good thing I brought my library card because I'm totally checking you out. - Anonymous

It's a good thing I brought my library card because I'm totally checking you out.

Lies I tell myself: Just one more cookie. Just one more movie. Just one more minute. - Anonymous

Lies I tell myself: Just one more cookie. Just one more movie. Just one more minute.

How do I like my eggs? In a cake. - Anonymous

How do I like my eggs? In a cake.

It's not important to win, it's important to make the other guy lose.

It's not important to win, it's important to make the other guy lose.

Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but I'm still going to keep looking. - Anonymous

Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but I'm still going to keep looking.

You're like a sharpie - super fine.

You're like a sharpie - super fine.

Short Quotes

That moment the doorbell rings and you tip toe to the window pretending you're not home. - Anonymous

That moment the doorbell rings and you tip toe to the window pretending you're not home.