Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

I always mean what I say, I don't always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it. - Anonymous

I always mean what I say, I don't always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it. Anonymous

I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it's someone's birthday and I like to celebrate. - Anonymous

I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it's someone's birthday and I like to celebrate. Anonymous

A text message can lead to a date, which can lead to a kiss, and a wonderful night together. Will you text me? - Anonymous

A text message can lead to a date, which can lead to a kiss, and a wonderful night together. Will you text me? Anonymous

Dear sleep, I'm sorry we broke up this morning. I want you back! - Anonymous

Dear sleep, I'm sorry we broke up this morning. I want you back! Anonymous

Life Quotes Short Quotes Sleep Quotes

I can make the doorbell ring any time I want, all I have to do is go to the bathroom. - Anonymous

I can make the doorbell ring any time I want, all I have to do is go to the bathroom. Anonymous

Life Quotes Time Quotes

Dear life, I understand very clearly that you are not fair so you can stop teaching me that lesson. - Anonymous

Dear life, I understand very clearly that you are not fair so you can stop teaching me that lesson. Anonymous

Kids, I don't know if our ceiling is the best ceiling... but it's definitely up there. - Anonymous

Kids, I don't know if our ceiling is the best ceiling... but it's definitely up there. Anonymous

Know Quotes Stupid Quotes

They say "don't try this at home" so I'm coming over to your house to try it. - Anonymous

They say "don't try this at home" so I'm coming over to your house to try it. Anonymous

Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. - Anonymous

Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. Anonymous

Life Quotes Short Quotes

I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at the floor, and think "I'd tap that." - Anonymous

I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at the floor, and think "I'd tap that." Anonymous

A good friend is like a bra: hard to find one you're comfortable with...

A good friend is like a bra: hard to find one you're comfortable with, always provides support, holds you tight and is always close to your heart. Anonymous

Friend Quotes Good Quotes

Another fine day ruined by responsibilities... - Anonymous

Another fine day ruined by responsibilities... Anonymous

Life Quotes Short Quotes

I'm not being smart, I'm just a skilled trained professional in pointing out the obvious. - Anonymous

I'm not being smart, I'm just a skilled trained professional in pointing out the obvious. Anonymous

What is the one machine at your local gym you should use to impress the ladies? The bank machine.

What is the one machine at your local gym you should use to impress the ladies? The bank machine. Anonymous

Moments Money Quotes

Me: What a terrible day. Mom: Be more positive! Me: What a beautiful terrible day. - Anonymous

Me: What a terrible day. Mom: Be more positive! Me: What a beautiful terrible day. Anonymous

For 2019 I wish you 12 months of happiness, 52 weeks of fun, 365 days of success, 8760 hours of great health and 525600 lucky minutes! Happy New Year! - Anonymous

For 2019 I wish you 12 months of happiness, 52 weeks of fun, 365 days of success, 8760 hours of great health and 525600 lucky minutes! Happy New Year! Anonymous

Me sarcastic? Never. - Anonymous

Me sarcastic? Never. Anonymous

Questions Short Quotes

My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 97 years old and we have no clue where he is. - Anonymous

My grandpa started walking five miles a day when he was 60. Now he's 97 years old and we have no clue where he is. Anonymous

Exercise Quotes Life Quotes

What's best way to build upper arm strength? Take lots of selfies.

What's best way to build upper arm strength? Take lots of selfies. Anonymous

Exercise Quotes Questions Short Quotes

An adult is a person who no longer grows in height, but instead grows in length and width. - Anonymous

An adult is a person who no longer grows in height, but instead grows in length and width. Anonymous

Sayings Top 100

Carrots are a great thing to eat when you're hungry, and want to stay that way. - Anonymous

Carrots are a great thing to eat when you're hungry, and want to stay that way. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Short Quotes

The only problem with golf is that the slow people are always in front of you and the fast people always end up behind you. Anonymous

Parenthood, the scariest hood to go through. - Anonymous

Parenthood, the scariest hood to go through. Anonymous

Life Quotes Short Quotes

Could you please be as silent as the G in lasagna?

Could you please be as silent as the G in lasagna? Anonymous

People Quotes Questions Short Quotes