Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

My decision making skills are as good as a squirrel that's crossing the street. - Anonymous
My decision making skills are as good as a squirrel that's crossing the street. Anonymous
Analogies Short Quotes Top 100
I hope we're good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people. - Anonymous
I hope we're good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people. Anonymous
Friend Quotes Good Quotes People Quotes
Why didn't I use my turn signals? It's nobody's business where I'm going. - Anonymous
Why didn't I use my turn signals? It's nobody's business where I'm going. Anonymous
Questions Short Quotes Stupid Quotes
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Making food: 1 hour. Eating food: 20 seconds. Washing dishes: never ending. - Anonymous
Making food: 1 hour. Eating food: 20 seconds. Washing dishes: never ending. Anonymous
Eat Quotes Never Quotes Short Quotes
I did a push-up today. Well actually I fell down, but I had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough. - Anonymous
I did a push-up today. Well actually I fell down, but I had to use my arms to get back up, so close enough. Anonymous
Exercise Quotes Statements Top 100
Give a man a fish and he will have food for one day. Teach him to catch fish and he will spend all day at the lake drinking beer.
Give a man a fish and he will have food for one day. Teach him to catch fish and he will spend all day at the lake drinking beer. Anonymous
Beer Quotes Drinking Eat Quotes
No one will ever be as entertained by us as us. - Anonymous
No one will ever be as entertained by us as us. Anonymous
Friend Quotes Short Quotes
If a philosopher answers your question, you will no longer understand what you asked in the first place.
If a philosopher answers your question, you will no longer understand what you asked in the first place. Anonymous
Questions Sayings Top 100
Me sarcastic? Never. - Anonymous
Me sarcastic? Never. Anonymous
Questions Short Quotes
My superpower? I can look you right in the eyes while you're talking and not hear a single word you said. Anonymous
What great energy, intelligence, and magnificent beautiful eyes...
What great energy, intelligence, and magnificent beautiful eyes... But enough about me, how are you doing? Anonymous
People Quotes
I follow a rigorous exercise routine that I never get lazy about; fetching beer bottles from the fridge.
I follow a rigorous exercise routine that I never get lazy about; fetching beer bottles from the fridge. Anonymous
Drinking Exercise Quotes Lazy Quotes
Everyone needs to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
Everyone needs to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer. Anonymous
Beer Quotes Drinking Lazy Quotes
What did my doctor tell me when I rushed into his office and told him I have 40 seconds to live? Hold on a minute! - Anonymous
What did my doctor tell me when I rushed into his office and told him I have 40 seconds to live? Hold on a minute! Anonymous
Life Quotes Questions
Cupcakes
If you know how many cupcakes I'm holding behind my back I'll give you both of them. Anonymous
Eat Quotes Know Quotes Stupid Quotes

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