Anonymous Funny Quotes

Home / Authors / Anonymous / Page 38

A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Never forget those who helped you along the way... Google, Wikipedia and Dictionary.

Being a beaver is nice, if you're hungry you just eat a piece of your home. - Anonymous

Being a beaver is nice, if you're hungry you just eat a piece of your home.

It doesn't matter how low the dollar will go, I will always bend down and pick it up.

Honesty top moment: to be a cop and give yourself a ticket for going through a red light. - Anonymous

Honesty top moment: to be a cop and give yourself a ticket for going through a red light.

Moments

Kids, I don't know if our ceiling is the best ceiling... but it's definitely up there. - Anonymous

Kids, I don't know if our ceiling is the best ceiling... but it's definitely up there.

I am so tired ever my tiredness is tired. - Anonymous

I am so tired ever my tiredness is tired.

I don't understand what's bothering you honey, I bring you coffee in bed every morning, all you have to do is grind it. - Anonymous

I don't understand what's bothering you honey, I bring you coffee in bed every morning, all you have to do is grind it.

Stupid Quotes

Never judge a book by it's movie - Anonymous

Never judge a book by it's movie

When I tried to do a search for marital advise on Google, it tried to finish my sentence for me, just like my wife does.

Why didn't Bruce Willis play the lead role in Titanic? He would have saved everyone. - Anonymous

Why didn't Bruce Willis play the lead role in Titanic? He would have saved everyone.

"Don't worry you'll live." What are you a doctor or something? - Anonymous

"Don't worry you'll live." What are you a doctor or something?

A fisherman who just caught a huge salmon reels the fish in, looks at the fish and says 'I am taking you for tonight's dinner!' The fish replies 'I already ate, can we go somewhere else?'

I bet you anything that I can stop gambling right now. - Anonymous

I bet you anything that I can stop gambling right now.

Sleeping on my keyboard. If I answer, I'm talking in my sleep. - Anonymous

Sleeping on my keyboard. If I answer, I'm talking in my sleep.

I'm not weird, I'm just limited edition. - Anonymous

I'm not weird, I'm just limited edition.

I found the hotel with the most stars in the world. It has an open roof so you can see them all. - Anonymous

I found the hotel with the most stars in the world. It has an open roof so you can see them all.

Better moment

There is no better moment to postpone something you don't want to do other than right now.

If only my teeth were as white as my legs. - Anonymous

If only my teeth were as white as my legs.

Short Quotes

I was born to be wild, but only until around 9pm or so. - Anonymous

I was born to be wild, but only until around 9pm or so.

I don't know what's tighter, our jeans or our friendship. - Anonymous

I don't know what's tighter, our jeans or our friendship.

When the cop told me to give him my first name and last name I told him, 'Are you crazy? What's my name going to be then?'

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

It's easy to stop smoking. I stopped smoking today with no problems. I also stopped yesterday too, and the day before that.

Luckiness top moment: To get run over by an ambulance.

For this New Year's day, weather forecasters are warning of an incoming storm of hugs and kisses all over the planet... we advise closing your umbrella and opening your heart.