Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money! - Anonymous

I'm a Nillionaire. I have little to no money!

Anonymous

I'm not lazy, I'm waiting for inspiration to hit me... should be here any time now. - Anonymous

I'm not lazy, I'm waiting for inspiration to hit me... should be here any time now.

Anonymous

I once had a job in a orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate. - Anonymous

I once had a job in a orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn't concentrate.

Anonymous

I haven't even gone to bed yet and I already can't wait to get home from work tomorrow. - Anonymous

I haven't even gone to bed yet and I already can't wait to get home from work tomorrow.

Anonymous

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Make yourself at home... clean my kitchen. - Anonymous

Make yourself at home... clean my kitchen.

Anonymous

Work again? Really? Didn't I just do that yesterday? - Anonymous

Work again? Really? Didn't I just do that yesterday?

Anonymous

Next week I'm going on a diet, you can buy me jewelry instead of chocolate. - Anonymous

Next week I'm going on a diet, you can buy me jewelry instead of chocolate.

Anonymous

A horse is dangerous at both ends, and uncomfortable in the middle.

A horse is dangerous at both ends, and uncomfortable in the middle.

Anonymous

I'm a ninja! No you're not. Did you see that? See what? Exactly! - Anonymous

I'm a ninja! No you're not. Did you see that? See what? Exactly!

Anonymous

Honesty top moment: to be a cop and give yourself a ticket for going through a red light. - Anonymous

Honesty top moment: to be a cop and give yourself a ticket for going through a red light.

Anonymous

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Photo of lioness sitting on grass with quotation about lion being afraid.

A zooology teacher asks the class 'What is the one animal in the jungle that a lion is afraid of?' The class answers: a lioness.

Anonymous

Relax, it's the weekend... just don't blink or it will be all over. - Anonymous

Relax, it's the weekend... just don't blink or it will be all over.

Anonymous

You know the potholes on a road are bad when they assign lifeguards to them, in case anybody falls inside. - Anonymous

You know the potholes on a road are bad when they assign lifeguards to them, in case anybody falls inside.

Anonymous

Why do you wear glasses? My eyes are so beautiful they have to be kept behind glass, like a showcase. - Anonymous

Why do you wear glasses? My eyes are so beautiful they have to be kept behind glass, like a showcase.

Anonymous

I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.'

I hate it when people see me at the supermarket and they're like 'Hey, what are you doing here?' I tell them 'You know.. hunting elephants.'

Anonymous

My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch... I call it lunch. - Anonymous

My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch... I call it lunch.

Anonymous

Never forget those who helped you along the way... Google, Wikipedia and Dictionary.

Anonymous

I don't mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years. - Anonymous

I don't mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years.

Anonymous

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