A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.
Why didn't Bruce Willis play the lead role in Titanic? He would have saved everyone.
A fisherman who just caught a huge salmon reels the fish in, looks at the fish and says 'I am taking you for tonight's dinner!' The fish replies 'I already ate, can we go somewhere else?'
I found the hotel with the most stars in the world. It has an open roof so you can see them all.
Sleeping on my keyboard. If I answer, I'm talking in my sleep.
If only my teeth were as white as my legs.
I was born to be wild, but only until around 9pm or so.
When the cop told me to give him my first name and last name I told him, 'Are you crazy? What's my name going to be then?'
What if there was no Google? Good question.. I'll have to Google it.
It's easy to stop smoking. I stopped smoking today with no problems. I also stopped yesterday too, and the day before that.
I'm not stubborn, my way is just better than yours.
Me watching Olympics: Woah! That was outstanding! Announcer: Another devastating mistake.
Just once I'd like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear "Monday has been cancelled," and then go back to sleep.
I'm always in a rush to go home, and do absolutely nothing.
I try to contain my craziness, but the lid keeps popping off.
I'm slowly becoming an adult... please make it stop.
Luckiness top moment: To get run over by an ambulance.
One day you're 18 eating pizza for every lunch, then suddenly you're 30 and eating salad with celery and kale juice.
I hate having a messy house. Not enough to actually clean it, but enough to give it a disgusted stare while I peacefully relax on the couch.
Be kind to people, and if that's too much to ask for then just be weird to people. It's the least you can do.
Whenever I have a headache I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.
I wonder what people do with all the time they save by writing "K" instead of "OK."
It's hard to find a friend who is 95% talented, 96% funny, 98% loving, 99% intelligent and 100% sweet. So don't you dare lose me!
For this New Year's day, weather forecasters are warning of an incoming storm of hugs and kisses all over the planet... we advise closing your umbrella and opening your heart.
Newspaper ad: Hiring clowns, must be serious.
Now if you'll excuse me... today's bad decisions aren't going to make themselves.
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