Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

Why didn't Bruce Willis play the lead role in Titanic? He would have saved everyone. - Anonymous

Why didn't Bruce Willis play the lead role in Titanic? He would have saved everyone.

Questions Stupid Quotes

A fisherman who just caught a huge salmon reels the fish in, looks at the fish and says 'I am taking you for tonight's dinner!' The fish replies 'I already ate, can we go somewhere else?'

Animals Eat Quotes

I found the hotel with the most stars in the world. It has an open roof so you can see them all. - Anonymous

I found the hotel with the most stars in the world. It has an open roof so you can see them all.

Witty Quotes World Quotes

Sleeping on my keyboard. If I answer, I'm talking in my sleep. - Anonymous

Sleeping on my keyboard. If I answer, I'm talking in my sleep.

Computers Short Quotes Sleep Quotes

If only my teeth were as white as my legs. - Anonymous

If only my teeth were as white as my legs.

I was born to be wild, but only until around 9pm or so. - Anonymous

I was born to be wild, but only until around 9pm or so.

Life Quotes Short Quotes

When the cop told me to give him my first name and last name I told him, 'Are you crazy? What's my name going to be then?'

Questions Stupid Quotes

What if there was no Google? Good question.. I'll have to Google it.

Questions Short Quotes

It's easy to stop smoking. I stopped smoking today with no problems. I also stopped yesterday too, and the day before that.

Statements Stupid Quotes

I'm not stubborn, my way is just better than yours.

Know Quotes Short Quotes

Me watching Olympics: Woah! That was outstanding! Announcer: Another devastating mistake.

Exercise Quotes TV Quotes

Just once I'd like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear "Monday has been cancelled," and then go back to sleep.

Sleep Quotes Work Quotes

I'm always in a rush to go home, and do absolutely nothing.

Short Quotes Work Quotes

I try to contain my craziness, but the lid keeps popping off.

I'm slowly becoming an adult... please make it stop. - Anonymous

I'm slowly becoming an adult... please make it stop.

Life Quotes Short Quotes

Luckiness top moment: To get run over by an ambulance.

Moments Short Quotes

One day you're 18 eating pizza for every lunch, then suddenly you're 30 and eating salad with celery and kale juice.

Eat Quotes Life Quotes

I hate having a messy house. Not enough to actually clean it, but enough to give it a disgusted stare while I peacefully relax on the couch.

Be kind to people, and if that's too much to ask for then just be weird to people. It's the least you can do.

Life Quotes People Quotes

Whenever I have a headache I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

I wonder what people do with all the time they save by writing "K" instead of "OK."

It's hard to find a friend who is 95% talented, 96% funny, 98% loving, 99% intelligent and 100% sweet. So don't you dare lose me!

For this New Year's day, weather forecasters are warning of an incoming storm of hugs and kisses all over the planet... we advise closing your umbrella and opening your heart.

Love Quotes Moments

Newspaper ad: Hiring clowns, must be serious.

Short Quotes Stupid Quotes

Now if you'll excuse me... today's bad decisions aren't going to make themselves.