Anonymous Funny Quotes

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A list of funny quotes that are written by an author that is not known or anonymous. Although not known, these amusing phrases must've had an author, so if you think you know who wrote any of them, please let us know.

I was born to be wild, but only until around 9pm or so. - Anonymous

I was born to be wild, but only until around 9pm or so.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.

When the cop told me to give him my first name and last name I told him, 'Are you crazy? What's my name going to be then?'

A person who always disturbs you is a person who loves you.

It's easy to stop smoking. I stopped smoking today with no problems. I also stopped yesterday too, and the day before that.

Luckiness top moment: To get run over by an ambulance.

What if there was no Google? Good question.. I'll have to Google it.

I'm not stubborn, my way is just better than yours.

Me watching Olympics: Woah! That was outstanding! Announcer: Another devastating mistake.

Just once I'd like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear "Monday has been cancelled," and then go back to sleep.

I'm always in a rush to go home, and do absolutely nothing.

I try to contain my craziness, but the lid keeps popping off.

Short Quotes

I'm slowly becoming an adult... please make it stop. - Anonymous

I'm slowly becoming an adult... please make it stop.

For this New Year's day, weather forecasters are warning of an incoming storm of hugs and kisses all over the planet... we advise closing your umbrella and opening your heart.

Newspaper ad: Hiring clowns, must be serious.

Got a new phone today, my old one failed the swimming test. - Anonymous

Got a new phone today, my old one failed the swimming test.

One day you're 18 eating pizza for every lunch, then suddenly you're 30 and eating salad with celery and kale juice.

I hate having a messy house. Not enough to actually clean it, but enough to give it a disgusted stare while I peacefully relax on the couch.

Life Quotes

Be kind to people, and if that's too much to ask for then just be weird to people. It's the least you can do.

Whenever I have a headache I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

Life Quotes

I wonder what people do with all the time they save by writing "K" instead of "OK."

Questions

It's hard to find a friend who is 95% talented, 96% funny, 98% loving, 99% intelligent and 100% sweet. So don't you dare lose me!

Friend Quotes

Now if you'll excuse me... today's bad decisions aren't going to make themselves.

Sayings

People say "go big or go home" like going home is a bad thing. Heck yeah I want to go home, and I'll have a nap when I get there.

I'm having people over to stare at their phones later, if you want to come by...