Top 100 Funny Quotes

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Cheer myself up.
I always try to cheer myself up by singing when I get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems. Anonymous
Moments Time Quotes
Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle free and three sizes smaller? - Anonymous
Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle free and three sizes smaller? Anonymous
Questions
In the morning you beg to sleep more, in the afternoon you are dying to sleep, and at night you refuse to sleep. - Anonymous
In the morning you beg to sleep more, in the afternoon you are dying to sleep, and at night you refuse to sleep. Anonymous
Life Quotes Sleep Quotes
God please give me patience, if you give me strength I will just punch them in the face.
God please give me patience, if you give me strength I will just punch them in the face. Anonymous
Life Quotes
Life isn't measured by the number of breaths you take.
Life isn't measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the number of moments that take your breath away. Anonymous
Life Quotes Moments
Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. You were too lazy to read that number. - Anonymous
Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. You were too lazy to read that number. Anonymous
Lazy Quotes People Quotes Short Quotes
Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years. - Anonymous
Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years. Anonymous
Lazy Quotes Questions Short Quotes
You don't have to be crazy to hang out with me... I'll train you. - Anonymous
You don't have to be crazy to hang out with me... I'll train you. Anonymous
Friend Quotes Short Quotes
Instead of calling it the John I'm going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning. - Anonymous
Instead of calling it the John I'm going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning. Anonymous
Exercise Quotes Stupid Quotes
It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills. - Anonymous
It takes real skills to choke on air, fall up the stairs and trip over nothing. I have those skills. Anonymous
Sayings
Have you ever looked at someone and knew the wheel was turning, but the hamster fell off long time ago? - Anonymous
Have you ever looked at someone and knew the wheel was turning, but the hamster fell off long time ago? Anonymous
Questions
I just finally discovered what's wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left. - Anonymous
I just finally discovered what's wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left. Anonymous
Wise Quotes
I'm a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot. - Anonymous
I'm a person who wants to do a lot of things trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep a lot. Anonymous
Lazy Quotes Life Quotes Sleep Quotes
Fart when someone hugs you, it makes them feel strong.
Fart when someone hugs you, it makes them feel strong. Anonymous
Short Quotes Stupid Quotes
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