Top 100 Funny Quotes

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My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead. - Anonymous

My goal this weekend is to move... just enough so people don't think I'm dead. Anonymous

Lazy Quotes People Quotes Sayings

I love ordering things online because when they arrive it's like a present from me to me. - Anonymous

I love ordering things online because when they arrive it's like a present from me to me. Anonymous

Love Quotes Sayings

just once I'd like to read a medication label that says: Warning, may cause permanent weight loss, increased energy and wrinkle removal. - Anonymous

just once I'd like to read a medication label that says: Warning, may cause permanent weight loss, increased energy and wrinkle removal. Anonymous

Wise Quotes

Dear life, when I said "can this day get any worse" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge. - Anonymous

Dear life, when I said "can this day get any worse" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge. Anonymous

Life Quotes Questions

Just because I'm awake doesn't mean I'm ready to do things. - Anonymous

Just because I'm awake doesn't mean I'm ready to do things. Anonymous

Life Quotes Short Quotes Sleep Quotes

Don't know where your kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they'll show up quickly.

Don't know where your kids are in the house? Turn off the internet and they'll show up quickly. Anonymous

Internet

The surest sign that there's intelligent life elsewhere in the universe, is that it has never contacted us. - Bill Waterson

The surest sign that there's intelligent life elsewhere in the universe, is that it has never contacted us.

Bill Waterson

Yes officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn't see your car. - Anonymous

Yes officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn't see your car. Anonymous

Short Quotes Wise Quotes

I'm in desperate need of a 6 month vacation... twice a year.

I'm in desperate need of a 6 month vacation... twice a year. Anonymous

Life Quotes Short Quotes Work Quotes

Instead of calling it the John I'm going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning. - Anonymous

Instead of calling it the John I'm going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning. Anonymous

Exercise Quotes Stupid Quotes

The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest. - Anonymous

The first five days after the weekend are always the hardest. Anonymous

Life Quotes Short Quotes Work Quotes

Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle free and three sizes smaller? - Anonymous

Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle free and three sizes smaller? Anonymous

Questions

I want to change my name on Facebook to "Nobody," so when I see someone posting something stupid I can Like their post and it will say "Nobody likes this." - Anonymous

I want to change my name on Facebook to "Nobody," so when I see someone posting something stupid I can Like their post and it will say "Nobody likes this." Anonymous

Facebook

I had an extremely busy day, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. - Anonymous

I had an extremely busy day, converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. Anonymous

Life Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

Since there is only one of me, does that make me limited edition? - Anonymous

Since there is only one of me, does that make me limited edition? Anonymous

Questions Short Quotes

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