Top 100 Funny Quotes

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I'm the kind of crazy you weren't warned about because no one knew this level existed. - Anonymous
I'm the kind of crazy you weren't warned about because no one knew this level existed. Anonymous
Life Quotes Stupid Quotes
I always give 100% at work! 12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday and 5% on Friday. Welcome back weekend. - Anonymous
I always give 100% at work! 12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday and 5% on Friday. Welcome back weekend. Anonymous
Work Quotes
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Rita Rudner

Life Quotes Love Quotes Marriage Quotes
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My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I'd have to do. - Anonymous
My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I'd have to do. Anonymous
Exercise Quotes Sayings Short Quotes
It's really complicated to make something simple.
It's really complicated to make something simple, but very simple to make something something complicated. Anonymous
Sayings Statements
I want time to sit and read, take a nap and snack. Basically, I want to be in Kindergarten. - Anonymous
I want time to sit and read, take a nap and snack. Basically, I want to be in Kindergarten. Anonymous
Life Quotes Time Quotes
I love my six pack so much, I protect is with a layer of fat. - Anonymous
I love my six pack so much, I protect is with a layer of fat. Anonymous
Exercise Quotes Lazy Quotes Love Quotes
I just finally discovered what's wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left. - Anonymous
I just finally discovered what's wrong with my brain: on the left side there is nothing right and on the right side, there is nothing left. Anonymous
Wise Quotes
I would like to apologize to anyone whom I haven't offended yet. Please be patient, I will get to you shortly. - Anonymous
I would like to apologize to anyone whom I haven't offended yet. Please be patient, I will get to you shortly. Anonymous
Stupid Quotes
Fart when someone hugs you, it makes them feel strong.
Fart when someone hugs you, it makes them feel strong. Anonymous
Short Quotes Stupid Quotes
Listen, smile, agree.. Then do whatever you were gonna do anyway. - Anonymous
Listen, smile, agree.. Then do whatever you were gonna do anyway. Anonymous
Life Quotes Sayings Short Quotes
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera. - Anonymous
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera. Anonymous
Sayings
If you can't find your better half, try finding your better two quarters. - Anonymous
If you can't find your better half, try finding your better two quarters. Anonymous
Short Quotes Stupid Quotes
Modern intelligence: if all bathrooms in the house are taken, turn off the internet. - Anonymous
Modern intelligence: if all bathrooms in the house are taken, turn off the internet. Anonymous
Internet Witty Quotes
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