Top 100 Funny Quotes

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My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. - Anonymous

My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. Anonymous

Money Quotes Short Quotes

I'm glad I don't have to hunt my own food, I don't even know where sandwiches live. - Anonymous

I'm glad I don't have to hunt my own food, I don't even know where sandwiches live. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Know Quotes Sayings

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure! - Anonymous

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure! Anonymous

Know Quotes Never Quotes Time Quotes

If Facebook has taught us anything it's that a lot of people aren't quite ready for a spelling bee. - Anonymous

If Facebook has taught us anything it's that a lot of people aren't quite ready for a spelling bee. Anonymous

Facebook People Quotes

I hate when people ask me what I'm doing tomorrow, I don't even know what I'm doing today. - Anonymous

I hate when people ask me what I'm doing tomorrow, I don't even know what I'm doing today. Anonymous

Know Quotes Life Quotes People Quotes

When you wake up at 6 in the morning, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's already 6:45. When you're at work and it's 2:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's 2:31.

When you wake up at 6 in the morning, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's already 6:45. When you're at work and it's 2:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it's 2:31. Anonymous

Sleep Quotes Work Quotes

That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you're shopping for something else because they just won't budge. - Anonymous

That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you're shopping for something else because they just won't budge. Anonymous

Life Quotes Moments

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I'd have to do. - Anonymous

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I'd have to do. Anonymous

Exercise Quotes Sayings Short Quotes

I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot, sleep for a while, and then wake up beautiful. - Anonymous

I want to be like a caterpillar. Eat a lot, sleep for a while, and then wake up beautiful. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Life Quotes Sleep Quotes

If you have crazy friends you have everything you'll ever need. - Anonymous

If you have crazy friends you have everything you'll ever need. Anonymous

Friend Quotes Short Quotes

If you let out a loud fart and someone hears you, just yell "Jet Power" and start running. - Anonymous

If you let out a loud fart and someone hears you, just yell "Jet Power" and start running. Anonymous

Sayings

I wish my wallet came with free refills. - Anonymous

I wish my wallet came with free refills. Anonymous

Money Quotes Short Quotes

I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we're having cake. - Anonymous

I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we're having cake. Anonymous

Eat Quotes Short Quotes

I was told to check my attitude. I did, and it's still there.. it hasn't gone anywhere. What's the problem? - Anonymous

I was told to check my attitude. I did, and it's still there.. it hasn't gone anywhere. What's the problem? Anonymous

Witty Quotes

My best friends are like fairy tales, they've been there since once upon a time and will be there until forever after. - Anonymous

My best friends are like fairy tales, they've been there since once upon a time and will be there until forever after. Anonymous

Friend Quotes

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