Anonymous Quote

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

Anonymous

You can't have everything... where would you put it?

Steven Alexander Wright

If you had to choose between eating tacos every day or being skinny for life would you choose hard or soft tacos?

Anonymous

Did you just fall? No, I was checking if gravity still works.

Anonymous

Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

Anonymous

You laugh because I'm different........... I laugh cause I just farted!

Anonymous

Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.

Dave Barry

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.

Sam Levenson

You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent? That's why I never take baths.

Steven Alexander Wright

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

Steven Alexander Wright

If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.

Jack Handey

Don't be stupid, it might make you famous.

CoolFunnyQuotes.com

The ideal man doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, doesn't do drugs, doesn't swear, doesn't get angry, doesn't exist.

Anonymous

What animal can jump higher than a house? Any animal that can jump at all, because houses can't jump.

Anonymous

The last thing that blew my mind was the wind.

CoolFunnyQuotes.com

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?

Steven Alexander Wright

Did you ever notice, whenever you need your keys the most, that's when they're the hardest to find?

CoolFunnyQuotes.com

When inspiration does not come to me, I go halfway to meet it.

Sigmund Freud

A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time when he actually gets the joke, and a third time when he realizes he was laughing without getting the joke at first.

Anonymous

If what you've done is stupid but it works, then it really isn't that stupid at all.

David Letterman