The most important thing in life is not knowing everything, it's having the phone number of somebody who does!
If you can't laugh at your own problems, call me and I'll laugh at them.
If you keep annoying me, I'll give your phone number to all the kids and tell them it's Santa's hotline.
I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
Girls are like phones. We love to be held and talked to, but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.
William Charles Dement
The best things in life are free. The rest are too expensive.
Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control.
All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.
The most fun things in life are either immoral, illegal or they make you fat.
I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
That's the secret to life... replace one worry with another....
I live my life one weekend at time, for those two days nothing else matters, I am FREE.
Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years.
The most important four words for a successful marriage: 'I'll do the dishes.'
You come into the world with nothing, and the purpose of your life is to make something out of nothing.
Henry Louis Mencken
In life, we must find happiness. I've been looking everywhere and still haven't found it.
The hardest thing to find in life is happiness - money is only hard to find because it gets wasted trying to find happiness.
CoolFunnyQuotes.com © 2020