David Letterman Quote

Don't be stupid, it might make you famous.

CoolFunnyQuotes.com

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.

Anonymous

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

Anonymous

To make a mistake is human, but to blame it on someone else, that's even more human.

Anonymous

You laugh because I'm different........... I laugh cause I just farted!

Anonymous

Newspaper ad: Hiring clowns, must be serious.

Anonymous

You're born free, then you're taxed to death.

Anonymous

If you don't succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried.

Anonymous

The probability of meeting someone you know increases a hundredfold when you're with someone you're not supposed to be seen with.

Anonymous

Two fleas are coming out of a bar when one asks the other 'Do we take a dog or do we walk home?'

Anonymous

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

Albert Einstein

Don't ask me anything, and I won't tell you any lies.

Anonymous

Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can't see.

Anonymous

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Dave Barry

Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.

Dave Barry

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.

Sam Levenson

You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent? That's why I never take baths.

Steven Alexander Wright

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

Steven Alexander Wright

If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.

Jack Handey

A joke is a very serious thing.

Winston Churchill