David Letterman Quote

Don't be stupid, it might make you famous.

CoolFunnyQuotes.com

There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

Anonymous

To make a mistake is human, but to blame it on someone else, that's even more human.

Anonymous

You laugh because I'm different........... I laugh cause I just farted!

Anonymous

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Dave Barry

Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.

Dave Barry

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.

Sam Levenson

You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent? That's why I never take baths.

Steven Alexander Wright

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

Steven Alexander Wright

If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.

Jack Handey

A joke is a very serious thing.

Winston Churchill

The last thing that blew my mind was the wind.

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If there is a wrong way to do something, then someone will do it.

Edward A. Murphy (Murphy's Law)

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Albert Einstein

We have to do the impossible, but it is possible.

Kevin Garnett

I'm not here to judge, I'm just pointing out all the mistakes you're making.

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When inspiration does not come to me, I go halfway to meet it.

Sigmund Freud

A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time when he actually gets the joke, and a third time when he realizes he was laughing without getting the joke at first.

Anonymous

If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door.

Anonymous

After a lot of research, scientists have concluded that the most vitamins are found in the pharmacy.

Anonymous