Dave Barry Quote

Fart when someone hugs you, it makes them feel strong.

I'm old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway.

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.

A cop pulled me over and told me "Papers", so I said "Scissors, I win!" and drove off.

My decision making skills are as good as a squirrel that's crossing the street.

I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.

I have been putting a lot of thought into it, and I just don't think being an adult is going to work for me.

We're all mature, until someone pulls out some bubble wrap.

Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.

I'd like to live like a poor man - only with lots of money.